When I left Rochester about a month ago to make my journey through Europe, the ground was still frozen and covered over with snow and my car was still an ashy shade of gray from all the salt on the strees and highways.
Thus to my surprise, the sun was still out at 6:30pm when I touched down at the Rochester "International" airport. The sun is a rare sight in March, especially in a city that is infamous for ice storms in the early spring months. I was also suprised that I didn't need my large winter coat when I stepped onto the tarmack; spring is definitely in the air.
A lot has happened in my time away and unfortunately I didn't chronicle all of it as I was going through most of Eastern and some parts of Western Europe. Mostly it was a matter of time and internet constraints, but it was also that I wanted to be more present in the experience.
It will take me the next several weeks of downtime to untangle and write about my time in Europe and what it has done for my fencing and my life in general. But before I go on with the things I have learned, I think it's important that I explain something that I have been thinking about for a while.
About a month ago I received some feedback about this blog. This person shall remain nameless. As you all know I have been trying my best to raise money for my fencing and seeking sponsorship. A friend of mine looked at this blog and told me point blank, if you want people to fund you then you have to either keep the current blog secret or start a new one where your voice is more confident and less unsure. He thought I always sounded like the underdog in my entries.
I have to admit that I was truly taken aback and agreed. Yes of course, if I want sponsorship then it would be best to tell people how sure I am that I will win an Olympic medal. (An aside, yes, I am sure that I have what it takes to medal, but as to what happens at the Olympics one can only guess.) My catch phrase would be, "once a champion, always and forever a champion". In some ways that is true but at the moment taking top-64 at each tournament isn't making me feel much like a superstar.
Because of his comment, I just blogged some very superficial things and didn't reveal what I was really thinking. This went on for several weeks and then came Spain, and it was there that I had a revelation. (Leave it up to long lunches in the plaza mayor with wine and good company to make revelations possible.)
It was there in the plaza in Salamanca over crouquettes and ensalada that I thought about what I've been through and in what ways it defined me. I realized that it was through all these trials, struggles, and adversity that I would truly find out how strong I am and could be. Sometimes my words are too true for some but in order to accomplish the great things I am striving for, I have to be able to objectively evaluate both the good AND the bad.
The truth is that even the greatest men and women in history are revealed to have some of the greatest insecurities. Their accomplishments despite their problems are the very reasons why they are revered. Let's take Helen Keller for example-I am sure there were times where she cursed her life and felt angry or upset. But without admitting at least once that she had been dealt a rough hand, she wasn't able to pursue the other direction and move forward. It is a crazy example but we cannot accept the true greatness within her without realizing her struggle.
The purpose of this blog is a daily journal of my thoughts that are very real to the process. If I don't write these thoughts then I am not being true to the purpose. I think it's part of my job to show that this journey that I have chosen includes self-doubt, hardship, self-evaluation and re-evaluation, deep thought, etc. But I would think the audience would realize the truth about this journey; every step of the way is filled with hope and unwaivering faith in myself, my team, and the people who care for me.
Maybe when I was younger I did win everything, but it was never from a place of understanding but rather a place of ignorance and fear. Most often I won out of desperation because my former coach would react severely if I did otherwise. In the end I hardly remembered the good times and the wins because in those moments I felt a relief that I didn't let my coach down.
But now my fencing world is much different because I feel a sense of strength and freedom that I never felt before. This is all because what I am building now is a firm foundation to place the good parts of my past, the ones I remember, with the joys of practicing my sport, and from there will come the success I always dreamed of. I have deep faith in what I am building and I would hope that the people who read this blog would understand that.
All that being said, I think I will continue to chronicle this journey as I see it with all it's blemishes along with it's great moments. The reality is that there isn't one without the other and if the audience will bear it, I will tell you the important details of what it is like to be Iris Zimmermann on the road to Beijing.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Just finished reading the latest installment tonight. Not only am I enjoying the read, but I am greatly enjoying your writing style and consciously aware of how quite good it is. If you haven't considered it before, I think you should plan a book. It is interesting to see the metamorphosis of your self awareness from when I used to converse with you when you were still in your teens to where you are today. Many of us would like to know that even the Champions have their doubts about it all from time to time. I think they call that "normal". But it is just like fencing. The best re-evaluate, re-group, and prevail. The ones that don't can only admire the ones that do. You have a great blog. By the way, welcome home!
Steve
Thanks so much for your comments, Steve! It really means a lot that you would even mention something about my writing. You read my mind-I definitely want to write a book at some point in my life, but I still have a long way to go in refining my writing voice. Thankfully you can just write your thoughts on the blog without putting too much into grammar and punctuation. ;)
You DO have a great writing style. And as I said I couldn't help noticing as I was reading that it has a wonderful flow. When I read it I feel like either I am sitting beside you and having a conversation or walking along with you and discussing points of view.
I particularly enjoy your word choices and illustrations. I went to the University of Kansas attending the School of Journalism. Not that the intention is to critique you or
find faults; I just find myself being immersed in the narrative and I am very aware of the immersion. Kind of like a good movie. You know it's good because of the feeling of naturalness [is that a word?] and not from a technical perspective. Besides, you have a fascinating story to tell regardles if the reader is a fencer or not. Peter Westbrook was the same way. Even if I didn't know him or you it would be a great read!
This blog is likely to become the first rough draft. Be sure and archive it.
Best-
Steve
Hey Iris
I wanted to let you know that I completely agree with you. I've been told by some that me and Maya's blog is too negative -- but its really just the facts, the struggle, the up and down. There are good parts and bad parts and its better to be honest. Also, aside, from the entries I've glanced through you seem pretty positive to me!
Best of luck in your quest. Your blog is inspiring me to do a better job of writing about the mental aspects, which I often dont take the time to share with others...
Anyway, I'll try to check in and comment on your from time to time...hope you'll do the same for ours!
Lindsay,
Thank you so much for checking out my blog. If you can, please email me or leave your blog site on your next post. I can put a link to your blog on my blog.
For everyone else reading this-Lindsay is an epee fencer who is also training for Beijing.
Thanks again, Lindsay!
--Iris
Nevermind Lindsay, I found your blog by clicking on your name. It's still early in the morning. ;)
Post a Comment