Home sweet home

When I left Rochester about a month ago to make my journey through Europe, the ground was still frozen and covered over with snow and my car was still an ashy shade of gray from all the salt on the strees and highways.

Thus to my surprise, the sun was still out at 6:30pm when I touched down at the Rochester "International" airport. The sun is a rare sight in March, especially in a city that is infamous for ice storms in the early spring months. I was also suprised that I didn't need my large winter coat when I stepped onto the tarmack; spring is definitely in the air.

A lot has happened in my time away and unfortunately I didn't chronicle all of it as I was going through most of Eastern and some parts of Western Europe. Mostly it was a matter of time and internet constraints, but it was also that I wanted to be more present in the experience.

It will take me the next several weeks of downtime to untangle and write about my time in Europe and what it has done for my fencing and my life in general. But before I go on with the things I have learned, I think it's important that I explain something that I have been thinking about for a while.

About a month ago I received some feedback about this blog. This person shall remain nameless. As you all know I have been trying my best to raise money for my fencing and seeking sponsorship. A friend of mine looked at this blog and told me point blank, if you want people to fund you then you have to either keep the current blog secret or start a new one where your voice is more confident and less unsure. He thought I always sounded like the underdog in my entries.

I have to admit that I was truly taken aback and agreed. Yes of course, if I want sponsorship then it would be best to tell people how sure I am that I will win an Olympic medal. (An aside, yes, I am sure that I have what it takes to medal, but as to what happens at the Olympics one can only guess.) My catch phrase would be, "once a champion, always and forever a champion". In some ways that is true but at the moment taking top-64 at each tournament isn't making me feel much like a superstar.

Because of his comment, I just blogged some very superficial things and didn't reveal what I was really thinking. This went on for several weeks and then came Spain, and it was there that I had a revelation. (Leave it up to long lunches in the plaza mayor with wine and good company to make revelations possible.)

It was there in the plaza in Salamanca over crouquettes and ensalada that I thought about what I've been through and in what ways it defined me. I realized that it was through all these trials, struggles, and adversity that I would truly find out how strong I am and could be. Sometimes my words are too true for some but in order to accomplish the great things I am striving for, I have to be able to objectively evaluate both the good AND the bad.

The truth is that even the greatest men and women in history are revealed to have some of the greatest insecurities. Their accomplishments despite their problems are the very reasons why they are revered. Let's take Helen Keller for example-I am sure there were times where she cursed her life and felt angry or upset. But without admitting at least once that she had been dealt a rough hand, she wasn't able to pursue the other direction and move forward. It is a crazy example but we cannot accept the true greatness within her without realizing her struggle.

The purpose of this blog is a daily journal of my thoughts that are very real to the process. If I don't write these thoughts then I am not being true to the purpose. I think it's part of my job to show that this journey that I have chosen includes self-doubt, hardship, self-evaluation and re-evaluation, deep thought, etc. But I would think the audience would realize the truth about this journey; every step of the way is filled with hope and unwaivering faith in myself, my team, and the people who care for me.

Maybe when I was younger I did win everything, but it was never from a place of understanding but rather a place of ignorance and fear. Most often I won out of desperation because my former coach would react severely if I did otherwise. In the end I hardly remembered the good times and the wins because in those moments I felt a relief that I didn't let my coach down.

But now my fencing world is much different because I feel a sense of strength and freedom that I never felt before. This is all because what I am building now is a firm foundation to place the good parts of my past, the ones I remember, with the joys of practicing my sport, and from there will come the success I always dreamed of. I have deep faith in what I am building and I would hope that the people who read this blog would understand that.

All that being said, I think I will continue to chronicle this journey as I see it with all it's blemishes along with it's great moments. The reality is that there isn't one without the other and if the audience will bear it, I will tell you the important details of what it is like to be Iris Zimmermann on the road to Beijing.

Last but not least

My friend in NYC asked me where I was the other day and after that I realized I wasn't doing a great job of updating the blog and letting people know where I am.

Well, I am currently in Marseille, France and I am awaiting a 9pm flight to Madrid. I finished the last world cup for this month just yesterday and now I am going to spend one week in Spain with a friend of mine before heading back to the states on Friday.

The competition in Marseille went well and I feel as thought I've made a lot of progress. My game is coming along slowly but I know that things will start to roll soon. It's nice to have one month off to train before heading to another batch of world cups. I think my mentor and fellow Olympian Casey says it best (this was an email that he sent to me before the last competition).

"....anybody that's a world class athlete knows that once things start heading in the right direction it doesn't take very long to make big jumps. One or two minor things improved, the confidence and relaxation that comes with it....all of a sudden you're rolling."

The team event was actually pretty amazing. We beat Japan and France to take fourth place. US women's foil hasn't taken a result this high since 2001 when we won the bronze medal at the world championships. I can't believe how fast our group has gelled to become a powerhouse. We are definitely determined and on our way to qualifying a USA team to Beijing.

As for me I am ready for a well deserved nap and break. These three tournaments have taken a lot of energy and I'm excited for some r&r with a good friend of mine from college. She's currently playing basketball in Salamanca and I am excited to hang out with her and not think about fencing for a few days.

I hope that Spring is in the air in the USA because it's definitely gorgeous here in Marseille. :)