All things have to come to an end

Alas, my days were numbered at Shangri-La. I would love to return to those sunny days walking along the lake with the mountains in the background, but I am back to Rochester and back to reality.

This morning greeted me with dark clouds and rain as I made my way to the gym. It wasn't the way I wanted to start back into things but as the song says, we can't always get what we want.

Making a slight transition but in the same vain as "all good things have to come to an end", I would like to begin the discussion about Marion Jones. For those of you who don't know who she is, Marion is the track star from the Sydney and Athens games. She has several medals under belt (or used to until she gave them back two weeks ago).

I can't tell you how sad I was to find out that she admitted to "juicing up" for the Olympics because from what I hear she was so talented that she didn't need to. I remember standing near her during the opening ceremonies of the Sydney Games and she was a super star amongst the Olympic athletes. Here we all were, the best of the best of our sports, and some of us were going up to her for autographs.

I am so dissapointed to hear about her. According to an article I read she is now married to a former track athlete, has a four year old son, and is broke. How sad-she went from being a super star to another poor ex-athlete.

Things brings me to what I've been thinking about since I read about Marion. Does the ends justify the means? A lot of athletes succumb to pressure, peer pressure, pressure from parents, pressure from fans, pressure from coaches and teammates to do everything it takes to win that medal. Is it really that important? I mean yes, I would love to have a gold medal, but am I willing to sacrifice my morals and values in order to do so? Am I willing to cheat to make it happen?

I once dated a shot put player for a VERY brief period at Stanford before the 2004 Games. He was much smaller than the rest of the shot put guys but he was very strong and could throw far. There were scandals then about track athletes using steroids and I asked him if he would be willing to take them. He said he would because it evens the field, everyone takes supplements. I wasn't shocked that he would but I remember being taken aback that he was so matter a fact about it. He didn't even blink when he answered and it was almost like I asked him if he could inhale and exhale.

However, I am sure in the moment Marion felt that it was the best thing to do. I'm not saying I would go that route but I don't think I blame her entirely for her actions. Dave Chapelle during his comedy routine mentions Michael Jackson and all his surgeries and he says, "In some sick twisted way he did it for you". And I think in this case, in some sick twisted way Marion wasn't srong inside and caved to media, fan, and personal pressure to succeed.

What is this doing to the athlete? What are we willing to sacrifice to win? Everyone believes that an athlete should live, breathe, and die their sport but at what cost to the person as a whole? Dedication is one thing but unhealthly obsession over achievement is another.

This topic strikes a cord with me not only because it's about Marion Jones whom I admired during the Sydney Games but the question, "Does the end justify the means?", comes up often in my talk about athletes. What are we willing to sacrifice in order to win that precious medal? What does that mean to you?

The ones who know me and read this blog, understand what I went through for twenty years of my life-utter abuse, physically and mentally, from my former coach. At the time it was fine and accepted because I was winning everything (the ends justified his abuse and also made it worse in the end) but now as an adult this method no longer serves me as an athlete and human being. The road is much harder and sometimes not as clear in terms of results but in terms of life things have never been better.

I hope this last paragraph wasn't too obtuse for most of you but I don't think I am quite ready to reveal everything on this blog. I am hoping to eventually write a book about the relationships between coaches and athletes sometime down the line but the wound is still too much on the surface.

To sum things up I think this debate has many layers to it as most good debates do. I am sad for Marion and I am sad that she did what she did. However, I understand that she probably felt a lot of pressure from outside sources which over road her better judgement. The unfortunate thing is that she is not the only one to crack. There is so much pressure to break new records to be better than the last, to be a hero, to be a super person that sometimes the athletes don't even question whether or not this is wrong. "If everyone is doing it, it just makes sense for me to as well."

And finally, a message to every athlete. The ends DOES NOT justify the means. When it's wrong, it's just wrong. An abusive coach, taking steroids, if you are a good athlete you will get there. Besides, the medal isn't everything and it is in the pursuit that we know and reveal our true selves. After the medal you will still be Marion Jones and you will have to live with your decisions for the rest of your life.

Well, all good things have to come to an end and this blog entry has reached it's finale.

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend! I'm off to NYC for training and treatment on Monday morning until the following Saturday.

Shangri-La

I'm lucky my sister lives in such a beautiful place that is perfect for a small respite from the Olympic run.

There isn't much to say except for I think I've never been so relaxed. I've gotten a hair cut, taken many naps, walked my friend Gwen's dog everyday around the lake, and now I am off to a yoga retreat near Denver. I do have to talk about the lake though.

Every morning the sun rises over the mountains and reflects into the lake. The water is calm except for the few duck families passing by every once in a while. Everyone is happily walking their dogs while children play on swingsets and jungle gym nearby. Everything is framed by the sometimes snow capped mountains in the background. The word for it is picturesque but I prefer to use Shangri-La. I love Denver.

The ashram we are going to is called Shoshoni Retreat and we will be spending the next 24 hours doing yoga, meditation, eating vegetarian foods, and exploring the surroundings. I am definitely falling in love with this place, not sure if I want to return to real life just yet.

I did try to do some real work in the gym yesterday but I decided it was too nice out to be stuck lifting weights so I went to the lake again for a walk. I am definitely resting mind, body, and spirit.

Wish you all were here.