Friendship, advice, and self discovery

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe unto him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up."
-- Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.


Every once in a while I find myself struggling with my choice to keep fencing rather than pursue the path more traveled-graduate school and a career. Although my convictions to train for Beijing are strong and true, there are many times where I invite doubt to cloud my perspective.

Last week Thursday was one of those days. I came home from practice and received a call from one of my old fencing friends who has long since retired from the sport. He was a great American fencer who set records on the international scene at the same time as I was making incredible results. He would often tell me that we were alike in our pursuits and desires to win. But unlike me, he quit after his second Olympics to pursue a very lucrative career in finance.

He is older than me and I always looked up to him like a mentor or big brother. Even now I find myself seeking his approval therefore when we spoke I was hesitant to approach the subject of my decision to fence. I was waiting for him to say something like-you're wasting your time, this takes away from your career goals, you're better than that, etc. However, he didn't say anything about it and his silence was even more disheartening because I just knew that he didn't even want to talk about it.

Sometimes one person or friend can shake your foundation and cause you to rethink everything. This is even more true when there is even the slightest amount of self doubt about a decision that has been made. In some cases the questions could be good but in this particular case I found myself shaken and worried. I was worried that I wasn't confident enough in my decision in order to defend it to my long time friend. I was worried that I still needed someone's approval and validation. How could he know everything that had led me to this point? How could he know what it feels like to compete again? How could he know how my future would play out?

I became rather depressed as I began spinning negative thoughts into a larger and larger web. But then-I received another phone call and this time it was from one of my best friends from college, Mikey Lee. There is a picture posted of him on an earlier blog of when I was just leaving California.

It's funny how serendipitous this moment was because it was at the very moment I needed a friend to lift me up. I spilled the beans to Mikey and let him know that I was having some serious trepidation about moving home to pursue fencing. I told him how I felt like all it seemed like everyone around me was moving in a forward trajectory and I was the only one moving backwards. I even gave him the example of how he went from the gubernatorial race to running a California city council campaign-and I went from working on the gubernatorial race to living at home and working out all day. It was like I went from budding star to desperate rich housewife.

Then he said the following which I wrote down, "What you are having is a typical grass is greener problem. The question really is,are you going to enjoy what you're doing in the moment or compare it to what you could be doing?

Really think about what he said and if it doesn't strike you, then you weren't really reading the words. How many times do we second guess ourselves because we believe that somewhere out there is a better path? How often do we doubt that we can make he right decisions for our own lives? Why do we believe that others' approval of our choices provide a better validation than our own approval? More importantly, why couldn't I trust myself and believe that I could still be successful even if I was taking time out to make the Olympic team? Sounds ludicrous writing it out but I often doubt that I am a successful person.

Then I thought about what Lisa Slater said to me this week after shooting some photos of me for my portfolio. She told me to look back at the photos that she had taken of me starting at age 13 until now and to note the marked difference in the brightness and playfulness of my smile. At age 13 I was a goofy kid who would crack a smile just because I was thinking about fencing, school, friends, family, etc. And then if you look at a picture of me as the Olympian in 2000, you can see someone worried and stressed about results and success. A picture is worth a thousand words.

Granted life is different at 13 than it is at 25 but it doesn't have to be so serious. Somewhere along the line when I was trying out for the Olympic team, trying to get good grades at Stanford, trying to fit in, moving from place to place, I lost what it really meant to enjoy the process of living.

Trying out for the Olympic games shouldn't define me or shut me out of my own future, but it should become part of a more complex fabric and meaning of what it is to be Iris Zimmermann.

An uncomfortable truth

Not to overstate the obvious for east coasters but

IT'S HOT OUT HERE!!!!

Fencing in a non air conditioned facility during a heat wave - - not as exhilarating as one would think.

The last few days we have moved practice to the mornings to keep from melting onto the floor into a puddle under our masks. I am still unsure how we managed to move into a building that doesn't have air conditioning, only a few windows and a garage door. The garage door is a remnant from when the space was used as a storage facility.

Nat, my coach, tried to reassure me that "that which does not kill us makes us stronger". However, being a PhD and an eloquent speaker decided to disguise her message in a story.

Nat told me about a physiological study that was done on German soldiers stationed in Africa. The soldiers were being moved from one point in Africa to the German base camp for training in another part of Africa. One of the groups had the misfortune of riding on a train with a non-functioning air conditioning system. Of course they complained the entire ride (much like I was during practice) but it turns out that when these soldiers began training in the sweltering heat they were less susceptible to heat related injuries and stress. The moral of the story-it's hot in Africa and I should just wipe the sweat off my face and continue fencing.


And.....


This week's episode of the Young, Athletic, and Broke is titled, "When do patience and perseverance intersect?".

I have decide to take any disappointment I feel by the lack of response from the mayor about a job and the slow pace of donations and turn it into some positive fuel for perseverance.


Storyline for the Mayor of Rochester:

Once again I am going to to go the athletic club on Friday morning at an amazingly crazy hour - 6:30am (don't let any athlete let you believe they actually get up that early unless they swim or row). I think this encounter will be rather awkward but I think politicians are used to those awkward "what did I say/promise" moments. Well, at least I hope our current president has some of those moments or at least those moments where he recognizes the fact that years of taking drugs could possibly limit brain function.


Storyline on what it's like to live as an athlete:

I have decided to take matters into my own hands and create a portfolio for myself in order to solicit local Rochester companies and businesses for sponsorship. It doesn't seem like it should be that hard to raise $35,000. I have a photo shoot today for photos to include on both my portfolio and some posters my friend will sell at his frame shop.

The fact is that if I didn't live with parents at the moment I wouldn't be able to afford to train. I see a trainer twice a week which costs $55 each session. Being an athlete is not so cheap. I also need new foils which cost over $100. Fencing is not a cheap sport.


Storyline on what it's like for a fencer making a comeback:

I have spent the last month getting used to the new games and rules of foil (my weapon). In the past I was able to dominate my opponents through strength and power-I would overrun my opponents by pushing and attacking them. Sounds kind of brutal when you write it in a blog. Anyways, the rules of the game have changed and patience is now key but you have to find a way to cross patience with short bursts of action. The attacks have to be calculated and disguised much more cleverly than before.


So what do these three stories reveal about the answer to today's question - Where do patience and perseverance intersect?


Answer:Patience actually becomes perseverance when action is required.

What do Floyd Landis, Justin Gatlin, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have in common?

Good biceps perhaps? I wish.

It's not just Mr. Universe/the Terminator/California governors that use steroids anymore.

Much to my dismay Floyd Landis' sample tested positive for high levels of testosterone. If his second sample does not exonerate him that he stands to be the first biker to be stripped of his Tour de France title. Of course, Landis claims that he has never taken performance enhancing drugs and that the raised levels of testosterone are due to a thyroid condition. I'm no medical expert so I couldn't even tell you if any of this is even feasible but it sounds kind of fishy. For his and mostly my sake, I hope he is right and this is just a fluke.

About a week after the news of Floyd's steroid scandal broke, Justin Gatlin, Olympic and world 100m champion tested positive for testosterone. Now Gatlin faces a lifetime suspension given this is his second infraction. During the 2000 Olympic Games I heard a lot of rumors in the village about the use of steroids throughout track and field events-I wouldn't be surprised if Gatlin is suspended. I wonder what is going to happen to all the world record times he set?

This news is nothing new. Athletes have been taking performance enhancing drugs for a long time now. The stakes are high. A high level Olympic athlete is surrounded by pressures that are often out of their control and more importantly, there is very little seperating the athlete from taking last or taking first. Considering all this, I can understand how some athletes take dangerous risks to win.

I did some thinking and some reading about the lengths athletes go to in order to be the best. I had a little incident of my own during the 2000 Olympic Games. I found out the woman I lost to in the individual event tested positive for the human growth hormone. It turns out when they tested her blood in Italy it was positive but because they only did urine samples at the Olympics she was clean according to the Olympic standards.

I came across two articles last week that dealt with the issue of performance enhancement methods. One of the articles iis from the NY Times and the other article is from the Wall Street Journal-both outlining methods used by athletes to enhance their performance outside the use of drugs.

The first article is from the New York Times about WADA (World Anti-Doping Agency) trying to ban the use of altitude tents as a training method.



The picture is of an athlete training in a chamber that simulates high altitude by decreasing the amount of oxygen in the room. The tent is similar to this chamber but substitute the stairmaster and bike for a matress and pillows.

Sleeping at high altititudes can increase red blood cell counts which can significantly increase activity levels given that more oxygen can be carried to the muscles. Again, I am not a medical expert so you should read the article to make sure that all my "scientific facts" are accurate.

The fact that WADA wants to ban these tents is a little controversial. Some people already live and train at high altitudes-the United States Olympic Training Center is in Colorado Springs. So the question is-why can't someone else at sea level buy an expensive tent to simulate what other athletes have access to? Aren't we just trying to even the playing field? Should we ban working out in high altitudes altogether? Good luck with that.

Click here to read the NY Times article.

The second article from the Wall Street Journal this past weekend is about how athletes use neurofeedback games and tests to change their responses to stress. No, this scientific method isn't being banned. In fact this method was used most recently by the Italian World Cup soccer team.



I just thought it was interesting that you can actually change the way your brain works and responds with expensive technology. Staying in the zone is just as important if not more important than being physically capable.

In the end, I understand that Floyd Landis has done something incredible despite the steroids. Performance enhancing drugs can only take you so far but you still need to be an athlete with all the right components-spirit, drive, talent, mental and physical ability, a good team, etc. I hope that Landis' second sample exonorates him but we will have to wait and see. As for Schwarzenegger-steroids may not help him win the election but he will be back for his gubernatorial sequel.