As we all close another year and begin another, and as I close my 25th year to start my 26th (my birthday is on Saturday), I feel the need to reflect. I think most 25-year-olds feel a strong desire to understand the point of their journey. However, I do know that self-reflection isn't unique to age, but at 25 there is a strong pull of maturity and a letting go of youth. Afterall, wasn't it John Mayer, a popular singer and spokesmen for twenty something’s, that coined the phrase “quarter-life crisis”? If you haven’t heard the song, it’s a good one.
In 2006, I have become a college graduate, worked on a major political campaign in California, and moved back home to pursue a childhood dream. The pursuit of my fencing dreams is more than just an athletic endeavor, it has inspired me to really dig deep emotionally, physically, and mentally. And you all get to read about it! Aren’t you lucky?
So, without further ado, what better way to present these very personal thoughts about my life journey thus far than a list? If it’s good enough for David Letterman, it’s good enough for me.
Small caveat, some of these points may be related but it’s my list and I’ll do what I wanna.
List of Fundamental Truths as Learned by a 25 year old
1. Life is not something you can plan out. After a high school diploma and college degree, there really isn’t anything else (besides grad school) that is as planned out or structured. And even if you try and plan your life in four or five year increments, you will learn just as the Soviets did, even the best laid plans come collapsing down.
2. It is what it is. Meaning, there are some things that you cannot change and must accept. My favorite prayer is the “serenity prayer” which basically sums up point two. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change. The courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” I’m still working on all the above.
3. To forgive is to forget. We only do more harm to ourselves when we choose not to forgive.
4. Change is constant. The picture of today is not always the picture of tomorrow. Which brings me to my next point.
5. Be in the moment. Live in the moment. Each moment passes faster and faster as we get older. Somewhere along the way deadlines take over our lives and we tend to lose perspective. How many times have you said, “No, I can’t. I don’t have time.”? To which I use Lao Tzu’s words:
“Time is a created thing. To say, ’I don’t have time’ is to say‘I don’t want to.’”
6. Being honest with yourself is just as important as honesty with others. Honesty with yourself means being able to admit all the bad and good things that make you, you. But the inability to admit the good things can hold you back just as much as the inability to admit the bad things.
7. Pass on the kindness that you have been shown. You can’t always reciprocate when people do things for you or impact your life, but you can pass on that same kindness to others as one type of repayment. Anyone ever seen the movie Pay It Forward?
8. Loyalty is hard to find and when you find it, hold on to it.
9. Women in fashion magazines are airbrushed. Just had to add that for my own benefit.
10. The brand of clothing I wear does not determine my self worth. Unless they become a sponsor….just kidding.
11. One’s primary source of validation must come from one’s own self-evaluation. After college there are no more gold stars or A+’s, or teachers and parents to tell us what is good and what is bad. But we still feel a need to look to others to form opinions about our lives. Who knows you better? I would hope that the answer is you.
12. Self-confidence should be paired with flexibility to accept change and criticism.
13. Treat everyone with the respect that you would like to receive.
14. Think before you act.
15. Patience is more than a virtue, it is everything. Things happen in small quantities or sometimes in large steps, but the simple fact is that you will spend time waiting for things to happen by your creation or by other’s determination. So while you are waiting you might as enjoy the wait. There is no destination without a journey.
16. You are not the only one. As much as we like to believe that we are the center of the universe, we aren’t.
17. No one is paying attention to you but you, so worrying about what other people think of you is an exercise in futility.
18. Do as much as you can each day even if that is only a little bit.
19. Surround yourself with people that support you but are always willing to question your motives.
20. Happiness is in the eye of the beholder. You are the only one that both determines and controls your own happiness. Don’t blame others for making you unhappy.
21. Give people the room to change because first impressions are not always as they seem.
22. Make time for the most important people in your life—your family.
23. Pursue your dreams with passion.
24. Believe that you will reach your destination even when you aren’t anywhere near it.
25. Never give up. Recently I have been reading Chris Gardner’s book, “Pursuit of Happyness”, and I would hope at this point most people know about Chris' incredible journey from homelessness to a self-made multi-millionaire, entrepreneur, motivational speaker and philanthropist from the new hit movie starring Will Smith. Sometimes when things would get difficult (as they often did in his life) Chris would chant the words “Go forward” until that’s all he could hear.
So for the New Year, I hope that you will all follow Chris Gardner's example and continue to “Go forward”. We may not all end up multi-millionaires, but we each have our own goals.
Go forward, go forward, go forward, go forward, go forward, go forward, go forward……….
