In some of my blog posts I think-do people really believe I am this happy all the time with my Olympic pursuit? Especially after my last post I may have made it seem as though I have crossed over into this world of child's play. Well, here I am to squash those myths.
NYC was a place of a lot of realization for me. Not only were my conversations with my friends great and inspiring but the city itself ignited something in me.
I had a chance to stay at my friend's apartment and since he was never there it felt like I was living on my own again. That taste of freedom was a little too exciting for me because living with my parents at 26 years old isn't always what it is cracked up to be. I love my parents and especially the food my mom makes each night but living with them was never really in the long term after college plans. It wasn't even a should of-it was something of a life or death issue. (Just kidding.)
This new life in Rochester has opened many doors for me personally, but it has also put a bit of a damper on my social life. Let's not even ask how long it's been since I have been on a date or even asked out on a date. This is where everyone chimes in with a collective, "awwwww...". I know, I know, very tragic.
Traveling, training, and living with my parents isn't really the perfect formula for meeting friends let alone meeting potential boyfriends. Alright I do give that it isn't all that great to be "distracted" by relationships but sometimes that distraction is much needed when each day is filled with thoughts about fencing or fencing related topics. There is only so much Scrabble I can play with my Dad or so many movies I can watch with my Mom. My teammate, Hanna, and I do hang out but there are limited places to go in a small city like Rochester. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
The reality is that I miss this other life I lead. The one where I wore outfits each day that didn't include my standard uniform of sweats, sports bra, socks, and snekers. I also miss having nights out with my good friends-talking over the phone isn't always the same as seeing each other in person. None of my friends live here and going out alone is more depressing than staying at home on a Friday. Complain, complain.
Okay, how many notches have I gone down in your book now? I know these complaints aren't really that crucial in the big scheme of things, but I do have to acknowledge the fact that being in NYC last week made me long for the life in a bigger city with more things to do and more people to meet. Don't get me wrong-Rochester is an interesting city..if you are raising kids, not if you are 26 years old and single. Just keeping it real-so to speak.
I do understand that the choices we make put some things on the back burner while other parts of our lives become a higher priority. The best and worst quote-"Nothing ever stays the same. Change is always constant." I am sure that I will be yearning for more time in the gym a year from now. Grass is always greener? Maybe I should read my last blog post and just be happy in this moment.
Enough about my rants and ravings. It's almost my bedtime-I have to get up early again tomorrow to hit the gym.
Happy Halloween!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Swingsets, sandboxes, and playgrounds
A friend of mine turned 37 years old the other day and I asked him what age he really felt. This of course was after several jokes about aging at his expense. Even after all the jokes he looked me square in the eye, as only he knows how to do, and answered, "I feel 25". Then he said something that I've been thinking about a lot since our conversation. He said that he feels 25, but inside he sometimes feels like he never left the 15 year old kid behind. That's true-he's quite the prankster.
Today I overheard a couple of women who had a conversation about age. One said that I can't believe I'm 40 years old, and of course that was followed by the obligatory, "you don't look that old, come on, stop it, you aren't forty". The truth is that this woman does not look her age at all and I'm always very taken aback by her exotic beauty. Then another woman, aged 65, chimed in and said that sometimes she looks in the mirror and can't seem to believe what is staring back at her. The wrinkles on her face represent an age that she doesn't connect with when she is away from the mirror. The bottom line is that these women don't really look their age, whatever that means. In this Botox world, age has become a very fluid and sometimes paralyzed concept.
We are all very much defined by age-at 16 we get a driver's license, 18 we can vote and smoke and enlist in the military, at 21 we can drink, then the birthdays sort of fall off. We start counting the numbers and start to get scared somewhere down the line. Shouldn't I be married, shouldn't I have kids, shouldn't I? Shouldn't I? This is similar to the the doubts I expressed when I first started my journey, I'm 25 years old, shouldn't I move on from fencing and start my career? Shouldn't I be moving towards my "real life"?
In my (humble) opinion we are sometimes too busy getting to certain ages and doing all the shoulds that we don't just stop and have some fun. Even saying those words seems a little off. We don't all have to quit our jobs and start fencing but isn't it time we make room for something we love in our lives? The pursuit of something for the sake of it's pursuit rather than the pursuit for an absolute end result. Very revolutionary concept in this day and age.
My friend who turned 37 years old last week mentioned that we should spend some time nurturing and loving our inner kids. To laugh more and be more present like only kids can be. Children aren't thinking or worrying about what they are going to do in next minute or hour, they are immersed in what they are doing at the moment they are doing it.
This point struck another cord with me today when I stayed for a while after my practice to hang out and teach the younger group of fencers. The room was filled with so much joy and excitement, which was so great to witness and be a part of. I laughed with them as they make jokes (at my expense of course) and I reveled in their curiosity about the most random things.
Where does the joy for life go when we grow up? I think that my friend is right-the little kid in everyone needs some time to play without structure. I think that's why when I got back from the world championships I spent some time walking in the park and swinging on the swing sets. I must have been an odd sight at the park but it was so much fun to fly through the air, with my feet kicking away as I rose higher and higher. I truly enjoyed the experience of having the breeze blow through my hair and the broad grin on my face.
What does this have to do with training? Everything. Being present in the moment and enjoying what I do even on the hardest days makes all the difference. Before this year, I spent twenty years practicing for the next thing without ever really enjoying the process or even enjoying the moments that I would succeed. To my coach, to me as a driven girl, one gold medal meant I had to strive for another gold medal to continue to prove that I belonged on top. They say that experiences and joy are truly lost on youth and I can't say that is entirely untrue. I think I was more stressed out at 15 than I am at 27-maybe my inner kid is the more mature one? Or maybe now we are old enough now to enjoy the things that kids take for granted? We shouldn't miss that opportunity.
So the moral of this rambling story is to enjoy some time with your inner kid and have save moments to laugh or play. Be present in the moment. As Will Smith says in the movie Hitch, "Live each day as if it were on purpose."
Today I overheard a couple of women who had a conversation about age. One said that I can't believe I'm 40 years old, and of course that was followed by the obligatory, "you don't look that old, come on, stop it, you aren't forty". The truth is that this woman does not look her age at all and I'm always very taken aback by her exotic beauty. Then another woman, aged 65, chimed in and said that sometimes she looks in the mirror and can't seem to believe what is staring back at her. The wrinkles on her face represent an age that she doesn't connect with when she is away from the mirror. The bottom line is that these women don't really look their age, whatever that means. In this Botox world, age has become a very fluid and sometimes paralyzed concept.
We are all very much defined by age-at 16 we get a driver's license, 18 we can vote and smoke and enlist in the military, at 21 we can drink, then the birthdays sort of fall off. We start counting the numbers and start to get scared somewhere down the line. Shouldn't I be married, shouldn't I have kids, shouldn't I? Shouldn't I? This is similar to the the doubts I expressed when I first started my journey, I'm 25 years old, shouldn't I move on from fencing and start my career? Shouldn't I be moving towards my "real life"?
In my (humble) opinion we are sometimes too busy getting to certain ages and doing all the shoulds that we don't just stop and have some fun. Even saying those words seems a little off. We don't all have to quit our jobs and start fencing but isn't it time we make room for something we love in our lives? The pursuit of something for the sake of it's pursuit rather than the pursuit for an absolute end result. Very revolutionary concept in this day and age.
My friend who turned 37 years old last week mentioned that we should spend some time nurturing and loving our inner kids. To laugh more and be more present like only kids can be. Children aren't thinking or worrying about what they are going to do in next minute or hour, they are immersed in what they are doing at the moment they are doing it.
This point struck another cord with me today when I stayed for a while after my practice to hang out and teach the younger group of fencers. The room was filled with so much joy and excitement, which was so great to witness and be a part of. I laughed with them as they make jokes (at my expense of course) and I reveled in their curiosity about the most random things.
Where does the joy for life go when we grow up? I think that my friend is right-the little kid in everyone needs some time to play without structure. I think that's why when I got back from the world championships I spent some time walking in the park and swinging on the swing sets. I must have been an odd sight at the park but it was so much fun to fly through the air, with my feet kicking away as I rose higher and higher. I truly enjoyed the experience of having the breeze blow through my hair and the broad grin on my face.
What does this have to do with training? Everything. Being present in the moment and enjoying what I do even on the hardest days makes all the difference. Before this year, I spent twenty years practicing for the next thing without ever really enjoying the process or even enjoying the moments that I would succeed. To my coach, to me as a driven girl, one gold medal meant I had to strive for another gold medal to continue to prove that I belonged on top. They say that experiences and joy are truly lost on youth and I can't say that is entirely untrue. I think I was more stressed out at 15 than I am at 27-maybe my inner kid is the more mature one? Or maybe now we are old enough now to enjoy the things that kids take for granted? We shouldn't miss that opportunity.
So the moral of this rambling story is to enjoy some time with your inner kid and have save moments to laugh or play. Be present in the moment. As Will Smith says in the movie Hitch, "Live each day as if it were on purpose."
Sunday, October 28, 2007
P.S.
P.S. I found (actually a friend of mine found) a great yoga place in NYC after the blog post of the nightmare yoga studio. I went there and the vibe was everything I was looking for in a yoga studio. You can read about Dharma Yoga Center by clicking here. If you are ever in NYC I do recommend going there for a class.
Home....again....
I flew back to Rochester this afternoon from NYC where I had a great week of trainings, getting treated, and visiting various friends. There is never enough time in a new york minute to fit everything in and unfortunately I couldn't see all of my friends. Besides I was technically there on "business" if you can truly call fencing a business.
Tomorrow will be my first day back in the gym in about three weeks. I don't think I have stepped foot in the Mid-twon athletic club and the fencing center for about that long. I'm looking forward to seeing the familiar faces and getting back to work on a regular daily schedule.
I hope everyone has a great week ahead of them.
Oh yeah, trick or treat! Or is it Happy Thanksgiving or is it Merry Christmas since Holiday knick knacks are already out in all the stores. Why would I fill out Christmas cards in October when you can send them the day before Christmas. Should I have already addressed and sent out my Channukah cards?
I digress.
Have a great and productive week!
Tomorrow will be my first day back in the gym in about three weeks. I don't think I have stepped foot in the Mid-twon athletic club and the fencing center for about that long. I'm looking forward to seeing the familiar faces and getting back to work on a regular daily schedule.
I hope everyone has a great week ahead of them.
Oh yeah, trick or treat! Or is it Happy Thanksgiving or is it Merry Christmas since Holiday knick knacks are already out in all the stores. Why would I fill out Christmas cards in October when you can send them the day before Christmas. Should I have already addressed and sent out my Channukah cards?
I digress.
Have a great and productive week!
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