Fearless

I recently went to see Jet Li's latest and final film of his career, Fearless. The movie itself was okay but there was a point in the movie where I felt a connection with the main character played by Jet Li. This connection will serve as a useful way to transition into what I've been thinking about the past few weeks since Torino.

Jet Li's character is based on a famous Chinese martial arts master named Huo Yuanjia. The character undergoes a transition from an arrogant fighter with ruthless will and determination to stay undefeated, to a wise character with a greater perspective for the role of martial arts in understanding life.

At one point in the movie an older and wiser Huo Yuanjia is having tea with his Japanese opponent before they compete against each other. Tanaka, the Japanese martial artist, believes that the goal of a martial artist is to defeat his opponent but Huo impresses Tanaka by successfully arguing that the goal of studying martial arts is for the purpose of self-improvement. Ultimately the goal of competition isn't to win or lose but a path to self discovery.

Okay, okay, I know this is very cheesy in a chinese martial arts movie/confucius/fortune cookie way, but he has a point.

When I got back from Torino I had a lot of negative thoughts in my head that I wasn't accustomed to. I thought about quitting and I thought that I wasn't strong enough to endure the journey. The exact words running through my head were, "I can't do this, I am never going to be good enough, I am never going to make the team, I used to be good and now I'm nothing, and so on and so on." Pretty positive thinking, huh? I would say that I was depressed for about a week after competing. Obviously something was wrong and I couldn't get out of the funk, so I decided I needed help and I called up contacts at the US Olympic Committee for a sports psychologist.

It turns out there is a lot more I have to deal with than just coming back after two years and getting used to the new rules of fencing. I have to grow up.

When I was younger my old coach would use strict methods of control to mold me into a good fencer. He told me what to do, when to do it, what was good, what was bad, and my thoughts were only on making him proud of me. It seems strange putting it on the blog but I think it makes a lot of sense. His opinion was the only opinion that ever mattered and I never had to think for myself.

Fast forward to 2006 and a new coach with a completely different perspective on life and coaching. I would describe her method as absolute freedom. She will never say something is right or wrong, she will never yell, but she will work with me as a partner to get me to my goal. Now I am the ultimate arbiter of my success. The downside now is that I have no one to blame except for myself. Talk about growing pains.

What does this have to do with the movie Fearless? Well, going through all this after Torino taught me a lot about myself-in this case competition was a path to self discovery. I discovered that although my life outside of fencing had matured, my attitude towards fencing hadn't changed. I thought in absolutes meaning, success was first place and that was it. I am a failure if I come in any other place. People won't believe in me unless I win all the time. What a harsh place to exist and I didn't want to be there anymore.

Enter the sports psychologist. One of the most important lessons I have learned from my time with her is that competition, sports, life, is all about the process. Think about it, what if I woke up tomorrow and I was an overnight champion with all the money in the world to do what I wanted in my sport. Yes, that would be great but it wouldn't mean anything because I didn't earn it.

No one becomes a success without work. We spend our lives working our way up and sometimes we get public recognition but most of the time we don't. What we do have is all the knowledge and experience we acquire along the way. I may have lost in Torino but I walked away with an experience and lessons about myself that I will never forget.

Updates

Just a few updates on the (un)glamorous life of an Olympian.

I'm currently spending most of my time getting ready for the Pan-American zonal competition in Valencia, Venezuela. I heard that the competition venue has changed once again and that it's going to be very hot and humid. At least it's not snowing and raining like it is here.

I'm also spending some of my off hours looking for a part-time job for money. Needless to say I'm still struggling with funding and sponsorship. I also need to have something to do besides fencing. Although a lot of my attention is invested in training, it's hard to get up each morning and feel truly energized to go to the fencing gym. No matter what anyone else says, there are some limits to ultimate devotion and sacrifice. It would also be nice to get out and have a job in the "real world" and perhaps meet some non fencing people in Rochester.

Anyways, here's the true story of the week.

I went to the Rochester City School District office on Monday to apply for a substitute teaching position at my old high school, The School of the Arts. Let me just preface this with-I spent a a lot of time trying to carefully and thoughtfully put together an application of employement for the City School District. They needed three letters of recommendation, an official transcript, resume, essay, blood type, my first born, etc.

When I went to the office I met a wonderful lady who lives behind a sliding glass window-it's probably bullet proof glass. I told the woman behind the sliding glass window that I was there to apply for a substitute teaching position. The response was, "No." Hmmm...okay???!!! Why? Well, there aren't enough substitute teaching positions for the already existing overflow of substitute teachers.

Okay, plan B-think fast. Well, can't I just leave my application here because surely at some point, somewhere, there is going to be a need for substitute teachers in the Rochester City School District. Response, "No." Well, okay, hasn't anyone heard of flu season? Cold season? Spinach with Ecoli? Lettuce with Ecoli? I guess not.

Then I asked the kind woman behind the bullet proof glass (who obviously knows no other word besides the word "no") if I could just leave my application. I had, after all, spent a lot of time and effort to put the application together with the THREE letters of recommendation. You can just guess what her response was, but she did add, "I don't even want to take your application and file it because I don't want to give you any ideas that you would ever be hired to fill a position as a substitute teacher. There are no positions available." Well, no arguing with that.

This is the city of Rochester folks. I would also like to add that I applied to be a waitress at a coffee shop and they still haven't gotten back to me (it's been three weeks). It's nice to know that a Stanford degree doesn't amount to a hill of beans in an economically depressed area like this. If you want a job, you can't get a job.

Considering my previous ask to the mayor for a position and my ask to the Rochester City School District for a job, my total score is the following:

The City of Rochester, 2 Iris Zimmermann, 0

No one ever said that training for the Olympics was easy.

Great job Doris!

Just wanted to mention that Doris Willette, a fellow teammate of mine, has just won a junior world cup competition in Bratislava, Slovakia. She went there only a week after getting back from the World Championships in Torino and interestingly enough she beat an Italian fencer to win gold.

I admire Doris' ability to deal with all the stress of going to school and competing at a high level. After Torino, Doris had to take her mid-term exams and prepare for another world level competition in less than a week. She is a super star for being so successful at juggling all of her tasks and responsibilities. It's not easy and I am very proud of her.

Elite athletes choose this life of hard work and more often than not the path to success is incredibly stressful. Doris just started her freshman year at Penn State and hasn't spent too many full weeks at the school which impacts her social life and activities outside of academics and athletics. I remember when I was in High School and even at Stanford, I would miss out on so many things because I was traveling or taking time off to train for something. In the end it is worth it (especially when you win) but while you are going through it all you can see is the struggle and sometimes all you can feel is tired.

She and I spent a lot of time together in Italy because we shared a room. I have said this in the past but it has been great having her as a fellow teammate and sounding board. Whenever I could not find the strength to believe in myself or believe in the team, Doris was always there to be a positive influence and light. No matter what she is always so positive about the future which in itself is a very admirable characteristic.

So, congrats to you Doris! See you in Venezuela in a week.