When the pendulum swings towards a more positive trajectory we start to see the world in a completely different light. It's funny--I think the sun is even out today after a period of rain and dark clouds. Or maybe I haven't even noticed the weather because I've been carrying around a dark storm cloud over my head for the last week and a half.
I was wrong about that Dr. Slick, and perhaps I should start calling him Dr. Nice Guy because he delivered good news yesterday. After seeing the MRI he confirmed that there is no new tear in my meniscus. Whew! I can finally breathe a sigh of relief.
All this good news was followed by several good things:
1. The Sacramento Monarchs won their first game in the WNBA Finals. Next game against the Detroit Shock is on Friday and can be seen on ESPN 2 7:30pm EST.
2. I had a great therapy session followed by a great lesson this morning.
3. It's a month out from the first day of World Championships and I am finally feeling strong and ready.
This is all in stark contrast to yesterday.
When days are good I can silence the negative thoughts but when the days are bad those negative thoughts somehow find their way to a loud speaker. Yesterday I allowed those negative thoughts ("you're not good enough" and "you can't do this" and "you'll never be able to do this") to cripple me and I couldn't continue working. My coach had to stop the lesson half way through because I could no longer execute the simplest actions. Nat then sat me down and took some time to talk me down off of that ledge. I have to remember that some days will be better than others but I can't allow myself to feel like the glass is no longer half full.
Today I asked Nat how she is able to silence the negative thoughts and she said, "I find happiness in the little things like a sunny day, my beautiful home, my relationships, etc. Try reading the front page of the newspaper and then you won't feel so badly about your life." Meaning, even when you put all of your focus into doing something it is key to maintain the proper perspective when the going gets tough because one day--this too shall pass.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
If all else fails, cry
In order to find a picture of my doctor, pick up a dictionary and look up the word "slick". I think my jaw dropped a little when he entered the exam room. I was dressed in a sweaty t-shirt and shorts while this tall and handsome surgeon was wearing a well tailored tan summer suit with matching tie and cuff links. The whole look was topped off by his well gelled hairdo that would have made Elvis jealous. I will admit he was good looking enough to throw off my hearts and minds strategy but only at the beginning.
After so many surgeries he knows his stuff but I don't think we connected because like a true surgeon Dr. Slick practically pulled out a scalpel at the mere mention of "meniscus tear". To his credit he did try to offer me some reassuring phrases of, "I know what you are going through and I will do my best to help you". Thanks, Doc.
At the end of the visit he asked me if I was going to be okay and I responded with a short period of silence followed by tears. Oh yes, I cried. I don't think this guy has any children because I think I scared him. It was sorta comforting how he awkwardly tapped me on the shoulder and threw me a box of tissues. At least he tried but I still hold true to my belief that they remove the soul from each orthopaedic surgeon before they take the doctor's oath.
The one good thing that Dr. Hair Gel did was ask about the kind of traits I wanted in a physical therapist. I told him I wanted someone that was humble enough to admit they didn't know a whole lot about the mechanics of fencing, smart enough to learn and apply his skills, and nice enough to invest in a working relationship with a neurotic fencer (AKA: Me). And much to my delight, my physical therapist at the sports therapy clinic is all those things.
My first session with the physical therapist went really well and I feel very positive about his abilities. At some point in the conversation-two hours later-he said something about this rehabilitation being a long-term task and "our" goal was to get me performing at my best. It was nice to know that he was at least thinking about working as a team for the long-term. We spent a lot of time together going over exercises of course but he did spend a great deal of time trying to reassure me that everything was going to be okay.
Dr. Well Groomed hasn't gotten back to me about the MRI results, but from what Chris mentioned he doesn't seem to think it has anything to do with the meniscus. He thinks that a lot of this has to do with the changes I have made in my mechanics in order to compensate for my knee pain/surgeries. I've developed several compensations after three surgeries that are putting stresses in previously healthy areas. I have to spend time strengthening my quads and working to break myself of the bad habits. One of the most obvious compensation I've developed is not keeping my back straight while I lunge so that most of the stress goes to my gluts instead of my quads and knees.
It was good that something happened at the beginning to force me to get a physical therapist so I can prevent any major mishaps down the line. Although I wasn't entirely impressed with Dr. Scalpel Happy, I am glad he had the sense enough to put me with a good physical therapist.
Life has it's ups and downs and hopefully things are on an upward trajectory.
A shout out to my coach for trying to keep me in a happy mental place. She has been kind enough to put up with all my neuroses.
After so many surgeries he knows his stuff but I don't think we connected because like a true surgeon Dr. Slick practically pulled out a scalpel at the mere mention of "meniscus tear". To his credit he did try to offer me some reassuring phrases of, "I know what you are going through and I will do my best to help you". Thanks, Doc.
At the end of the visit he asked me if I was going to be okay and I responded with a short period of silence followed by tears. Oh yes, I cried. I don't think this guy has any children because I think I scared him. It was sorta comforting how he awkwardly tapped me on the shoulder and threw me a box of tissues. At least he tried but I still hold true to my belief that they remove the soul from each orthopaedic surgeon before they take the doctor's oath.
The one good thing that Dr. Hair Gel did was ask about the kind of traits I wanted in a physical therapist. I told him I wanted someone that was humble enough to admit they didn't know a whole lot about the mechanics of fencing, smart enough to learn and apply his skills, and nice enough to invest in a working relationship with a neurotic fencer (AKA: Me). And much to my delight, my physical therapist at the sports therapy clinic is all those things.
My first session with the physical therapist went really well and I feel very positive about his abilities. At some point in the conversation-two hours later-he said something about this rehabilitation being a long-term task and "our" goal was to get me performing at my best. It was nice to know that he was at least thinking about working as a team for the long-term. We spent a lot of time together going over exercises of course but he did spend a great deal of time trying to reassure me that everything was going to be okay.
Dr. Well Groomed hasn't gotten back to me about the MRI results, but from what Chris mentioned he doesn't seem to think it has anything to do with the meniscus. He thinks that a lot of this has to do with the changes I have made in my mechanics in order to compensate for my knee pain/surgeries. I've developed several compensations after three surgeries that are putting stresses in previously healthy areas. I have to spend time strengthening my quads and working to break myself of the bad habits. One of the most obvious compensation I've developed is not keeping my back straight while I lunge so that most of the stress goes to my gluts instead of my quads and knees.
It was good that something happened at the beginning to force me to get a physical therapist so I can prevent any major mishaps down the line. Although I wasn't entirely impressed with Dr. Scalpel Happy, I am glad he had the sense enough to put me with a good physical therapist.
Life has it's ups and downs and hopefully things are on an upward trajectory.
A shout out to my coach for trying to keep me in a happy mental place. She has been kind enough to put up with all my neuroses.
Monday, August 28, 2006
knee update
The short of the visit is that we can't tell anything until the results of the MRI come in. I took the MRI this evening and should have some answers by tomorrow afternoon. I am also seeing a physical therapist tomorrow that could tell me something positive.
I'll have an amusing story about the doctor's visit in tomorrow blog. Let's just say that if all else fails, cry.
I'll have an amusing story about the doctor's visit in tomorrow blog. Let's just say that if all else fails, cry.
WNBA
Big shout out to my fellow female athletes on the Sacramento Monarchs WNBA team. They have made it to the finals and I expect everyone out there to keep watch for the defending World Champs to take the title yet again.
Click here for the finals schedule.
Click here for the finals schedule.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
And a new week begins
And you think that Olympians don't have problems with motivation. I know the blog posts have been few and far between but I attribute my lack of posts to the constant worry about my knee and tomorrow's diagnosis.
Yup, I see the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow at the University of Rochester Sports Medicine facility. On a scale of 1-10 on the nervousness scale, I think I'm about a 20. Being the usual nervous and worried person that I am, I have pictured the meeting with the doctor to go a few different ways.
1. Worst case scenario: I meet him, he tells me that fencing isn't a sport (similar to a conversation I had with another surgeon in Rochester), and he tells me I'll never fence again anyway because I have another tear in my cartilidge. At which point I completely fall apart on the spot and never again blog on "citius, altius, fortius".
2. Medium case scenario: Similar to worse except for he prescribes bad rehab for me with some PT that doesn't believe fencing is a sport. Does anyone sense that I have a complex about this? When you've been told enough times that fencing is elegant like a dance or not worth sponsoring, you kinda start to believe them. Although my name is Iris, there is nothing delicate about me or my fencing.
3. Best case scenario: The doctor is amazing (not like any surgeon I have known before-who actually cares about listening to the patient) and decides that he is going to help me with my knee pain. Then he marches me over to a cabinet full of amazing knee braces and hands me one. At which point they award me the world championship medal because there is no one around who can fight the power of the knee brace.
Reality, I suspect, is nestled somewhere far from my own neurotic predictions.
I have a plan. I'm going to do what I call the "hearts and minds" strategy. I will explain my situation with all honesty to persuade him into believing that I'm not just another athlete with bad knees. And I'm not some weekend warrior who does fencing for fun because it's a cool recreational sport. No, I am a 25 year old woman who has put her life on hold so she can stand on a podium two years from now with a medal draped around her neck. I need a doctor that I trust to seek out all solutions to get me back on that strip because it isn't just my knee-it's my dream, it's my future, it's everything I have put on the line for this. Have I lost perspective yet? Perhaps, but it's all part and parcel of the hearts and minds strategy.
I am going into the doctor's office alone. I half jokingly asked my mother to be in the room with me so I have someone's shoulder to cry on if need be. I don't know what I'm going to do if the scenario is more number one than number three. I seriously doubt that this will mean the end because I will find a way to work around it, but I know that I have already been mentally set back. Take a step forward and then take two steps back. I wish I wasn't alone in that waiting room.
On a much brighter note one of the junior fencers has informed me that the September issue of Elle magazine has an article about the sport of fencing. Anna Kournikova "writes" a column every month about different ways for hot and hip women to stay in shape. Anna's quote after trying the sport?
"A woman who knows how to use a sword is really sexy".
Amen.
Yup, I see the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow at the University of Rochester Sports Medicine facility. On a scale of 1-10 on the nervousness scale, I think I'm about a 20. Being the usual nervous and worried person that I am, I have pictured the meeting with the doctor to go a few different ways.
1. Worst case scenario: I meet him, he tells me that fencing isn't a sport (similar to a conversation I had with another surgeon in Rochester), and he tells me I'll never fence again anyway because I have another tear in my cartilidge. At which point I completely fall apart on the spot and never again blog on "citius, altius, fortius".
2. Medium case scenario: Similar to worse except for he prescribes bad rehab for me with some PT that doesn't believe fencing is a sport. Does anyone sense that I have a complex about this? When you've been told enough times that fencing is elegant like a dance or not worth sponsoring, you kinda start to believe them. Although my name is Iris, there is nothing delicate about me or my fencing.
3. Best case scenario: The doctor is amazing (not like any surgeon I have known before-who actually cares about listening to the patient) and decides that he is going to help me with my knee pain. Then he marches me over to a cabinet full of amazing knee braces and hands me one. At which point they award me the world championship medal because there is no one around who can fight the power of the knee brace.
Reality, I suspect, is nestled somewhere far from my own neurotic predictions.
I have a plan. I'm going to do what I call the "hearts and minds" strategy. I will explain my situation with all honesty to persuade him into believing that I'm not just another athlete with bad knees. And I'm not some weekend warrior who does fencing for fun because it's a cool recreational sport. No, I am a 25 year old woman who has put her life on hold so she can stand on a podium two years from now with a medal draped around her neck. I need a doctor that I trust to seek out all solutions to get me back on that strip because it isn't just my knee-it's my dream, it's my future, it's everything I have put on the line for this. Have I lost perspective yet? Perhaps, but it's all part and parcel of the hearts and minds strategy.
I am going into the doctor's office alone. I half jokingly asked my mother to be in the room with me so I have someone's shoulder to cry on if need be. I don't know what I'm going to do if the scenario is more number one than number three. I seriously doubt that this will mean the end because I will find a way to work around it, but I know that I have already been mentally set back. Take a step forward and then take two steps back. I wish I wasn't alone in that waiting room.
On a much brighter note one of the junior fencers has informed me that the September issue of Elle magazine has an article about the sport of fencing. Anna Kournikova "writes" a column every month about different ways for hot and hip women to stay in shape. Anna's quote after trying the sport?
"A woman who knows how to use a sword is really sexy".
Amen.
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