Fearless

I recently went to see Jet Li's latest and final film of his career, Fearless. The movie itself was okay but there was a point in the movie where I felt a connection with the main character played by Jet Li. This connection will serve as a useful way to transition into what I've been thinking about the past few weeks since Torino.

Jet Li's character is based on a famous Chinese martial arts master named Huo Yuanjia. The character undergoes a transition from an arrogant fighter with ruthless will and determination to stay undefeated, to a wise character with a greater perspective for the role of martial arts in understanding life.

At one point in the movie an older and wiser Huo Yuanjia is having tea with his Japanese opponent before they compete against each other. Tanaka, the Japanese martial artist, believes that the goal of a martial artist is to defeat his opponent but Huo impresses Tanaka by successfully arguing that the goal of studying martial arts is for the purpose of self-improvement. Ultimately the goal of competition isn't to win or lose but a path to self discovery.

Okay, okay, I know this is very cheesy in a chinese martial arts movie/confucius/fortune cookie way, but he has a point.

When I got back from Torino I had a lot of negative thoughts in my head that I wasn't accustomed to. I thought about quitting and I thought that I wasn't strong enough to endure the journey. The exact words running through my head were, "I can't do this, I am never going to be good enough, I am never going to make the team, I used to be good and now I'm nothing, and so on and so on." Pretty positive thinking, huh? I would say that I was depressed for about a week after competing. Obviously something was wrong and I couldn't get out of the funk, so I decided I needed help and I called up contacts at the US Olympic Committee for a sports psychologist.

It turns out there is a lot more I have to deal with than just coming back after two years and getting used to the new rules of fencing. I have to grow up.

When I was younger my old coach would use strict methods of control to mold me into a good fencer. He told me what to do, when to do it, what was good, what was bad, and my thoughts were only on making him proud of me. It seems strange putting it on the blog but I think it makes a lot of sense. His opinion was the only opinion that ever mattered and I never had to think for myself.

Fast forward to 2006 and a new coach with a completely different perspective on life and coaching. I would describe her method as absolute freedom. She will never say something is right or wrong, she will never yell, but she will work with me as a partner to get me to my goal. Now I am the ultimate arbiter of my success. The downside now is that I have no one to blame except for myself. Talk about growing pains.

What does this have to do with the movie Fearless? Well, going through all this after Torino taught me a lot about myself-in this case competition was a path to self discovery. I discovered that although my life outside of fencing had matured, my attitude towards fencing hadn't changed. I thought in absolutes meaning, success was first place and that was it. I am a failure if I come in any other place. People won't believe in me unless I win all the time. What a harsh place to exist and I didn't want to be there anymore.

Enter the sports psychologist. One of the most important lessons I have learned from my time with her is that competition, sports, life, is all about the process. Think about it, what if I woke up tomorrow and I was an overnight champion with all the money in the world to do what I wanted in my sport. Yes, that would be great but it wouldn't mean anything because I didn't earn it.

No one becomes a success without work. We spend our lives working our way up and sometimes we get public recognition but most of the time we don't. What we do have is all the knowledge and experience we acquire along the way. I may have lost in Torino but I walked away with an experience and lessons about myself that I will never forget.

Updates

Just a few updates on the (un)glamorous life of an Olympian.

I'm currently spending most of my time getting ready for the Pan-American zonal competition in Valencia, Venezuela. I heard that the competition venue has changed once again and that it's going to be very hot and humid. At least it's not snowing and raining like it is here.

I'm also spending some of my off hours looking for a part-time job for money. Needless to say I'm still struggling with funding and sponsorship. I also need to have something to do besides fencing. Although a lot of my attention is invested in training, it's hard to get up each morning and feel truly energized to go to the fencing gym. No matter what anyone else says, there are some limits to ultimate devotion and sacrifice. It would also be nice to get out and have a job in the "real world" and perhaps meet some non fencing people in Rochester.

Anyways, here's the true story of the week.

I went to the Rochester City School District office on Monday to apply for a substitute teaching position at my old high school, The School of the Arts. Let me just preface this with-I spent a a lot of time trying to carefully and thoughtfully put together an application of employement for the City School District. They needed three letters of recommendation, an official transcript, resume, essay, blood type, my first born, etc.

When I went to the office I met a wonderful lady who lives behind a sliding glass window-it's probably bullet proof glass. I told the woman behind the sliding glass window that I was there to apply for a substitute teaching position. The response was, "No." Hmmm...okay???!!! Why? Well, there aren't enough substitute teaching positions for the already existing overflow of substitute teachers.

Okay, plan B-think fast. Well, can't I just leave my application here because surely at some point, somewhere, there is going to be a need for substitute teachers in the Rochester City School District. Response, "No." Well, okay, hasn't anyone heard of flu season? Cold season? Spinach with Ecoli? Lettuce with Ecoli? I guess not.

Then I asked the kind woman behind the bullet proof glass (who obviously knows no other word besides the word "no") if I could just leave my application. I had, after all, spent a lot of time and effort to put the application together with the THREE letters of recommendation. You can just guess what her response was, but she did add, "I don't even want to take your application and file it because I don't want to give you any ideas that you would ever be hired to fill a position as a substitute teacher. There are no positions available." Well, no arguing with that.

This is the city of Rochester folks. I would also like to add that I applied to be a waitress at a coffee shop and they still haven't gotten back to me (it's been three weeks). It's nice to know that a Stanford degree doesn't amount to a hill of beans in an economically depressed area like this. If you want a job, you can't get a job.

Considering my previous ask to the mayor for a position and my ask to the Rochester City School District for a job, my total score is the following:

The City of Rochester, 2 Iris Zimmermann, 0

No one ever said that training for the Olympics was easy.

Great job Doris!

Just wanted to mention that Doris Willette, a fellow teammate of mine, has just won a junior world cup competition in Bratislava, Slovakia. She went there only a week after getting back from the World Championships in Torino and interestingly enough she beat an Italian fencer to win gold.

I admire Doris' ability to deal with all the stress of going to school and competing at a high level. After Torino, Doris had to take her mid-term exams and prepare for another world level competition in less than a week. She is a super star for being so successful at juggling all of her tasks and responsibilities. It's not easy and I am very proud of her.

Elite athletes choose this life of hard work and more often than not the path to success is incredibly stressful. Doris just started her freshman year at Penn State and hasn't spent too many full weeks at the school which impacts her social life and activities outside of academics and athletics. I remember when I was in High School and even at Stanford, I would miss out on so many things because I was traveling or taking time off to train for something. In the end it is worth it (especially when you win) but while you are going through it all you can see is the struggle and sometimes all you can feel is tired.

She and I spent a lot of time together in Italy because we shared a room. I have said this in the past but it has been great having her as a fellow teammate and sounding board. Whenever I could not find the strength to believe in myself or believe in the team, Doris was always there to be a positive influence and light. No matter what she is always so positive about the future which in itself is a very admirable characteristic.

So, congrats to you Doris! See you in Venezuela in a week.

Next competition

The fun never stops! Just wanted to let everyone know that I have another competition coming up very soon in Valencia, Venezuela, the Pan-American Zonal tournament. There will be two individual competitions and one team event with the first event on the 25th. I am not sure why they are having two individual events especially since the first individual event doesn't count for much. The second individual event and the team event count for overall world ranking points.

The competitors will obviously be from the Pan-American zone. Some of the harder competition will come from the Venezuelan team, Argentina, and Cuba (if they send a team). Right now the United States women's foil team is head to head with the Venezuelan team in qualifying for the Olympic Games although, we are still far off from the qualification competitions. The Venezuelans have had a few successful tournaments and managed to push themselves into the lead in the world cup team point standings. It's important that the USA team beats them on their turf as a way to show them that we are going to take our position as the top team in the region.

I am leaving for Valencia next Sunday and I'll be there for a week. Hopefully I will be better about blogging this time around. Remember that this whole experience of blogging about my competitions is brand new for me. I know, I know, more pictures. I'm working on it.

The thin line between success and failure

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

--Michael Jordan

Failure. Success. Quitting. These are some of the words I have been thinking about since my competition in Torino, Italy. Along with the words-self-worth, confidence, and I must have been crazy to think I could come back after a two year hiatus and make the Olympic team. These thoughts, however dramatic, surface when the outcome of a competition isn't quite what one originally expected.

The truth is, the line between success and failure is paper thin. Falling on one side of that line would mean happiness and euphoria along with praise and admiration. If you have the misfortune of falling on the other side then you find yourself in despair and questioning your every thought and conviction. It's amazing how fragile this line is and in part this is what makes competition so exciting-because one moment you can be a hero and in the next frame you could be the loser.

I think you can guess by now that things in Torino didn't go that well. It was a hard blow to find out that my expectations were much higher than I was capable of accomplishing at the moment. I had hopes that my years of experience would kick in at all the right moments without regard to the fact that I just started training again four months ago.

Although there are many technical reasons for my failed venture in Torino, there are many mental reasons that I fell apart. During competition I allowed my fears to become my voice. The day before competition I was an absolute mess. I was worried how I would do, I was fearful that people wouldn't have faith in me if I lost, I was worried about every little detail that could go wrong, and in the end the negative voices were louder than the positive. It's amazing how nervousness can turn a strong and sane person into a puddle on the floor.

So what drives us (me) to keep going after such failures? How many times can we pick ourselves back up off the floor? The answer is as many times as it takes to reach your goals because I realize that I have a lot to learn. This competition will only be a huge failure if I don't take from it some lessons to guide my practice and move on with my head held up high. I think it's time now to walk away from the experience with knowledge in hand to restart, retool, and begin again. Scrap the past and start all over again. Of course I have already spent the requisite time brushing off any ego and pride first-important to remember those characters. (I probably should have left them behind in Italy.)

So, what did I learn?

As much it pains me to admit, I am not the same Iris Zimmermann. My experiences as a young phenom have helped me to win but have not taught me how to deal with loss and starting at the bottom. Even when I was injured I never really started at the bottom. Not only am I starting over again but I am also finding a new identity in a world that I once knew like the back of my hand. People may remember my name but it isn't me out there on the fencing strip. This isn't to say that this new version, Iris Zimmermann 2.0 let's say, won't be better but in a way I am admitting that I am starting over from this point on with an open mind and wide eyes. It's time to put the scaffolding up and start over.

So, here I am. Humbly starting from scratch. This my friends, is the bottom, I'm waving to you from a very humble beginning.
I have two weeks before the Pan-American zonal competition to get my act together and drive on with the mission but even then it will be another small step towards the ultimate goal of Beijing.

I want to close with some lines from one of my fellow teammates, Emily Cross (she goes to Harvard so whatever she says has to be incredibly smart and insightful). The women's foil team also didn't perform so brilliantly as a whole in Torino but we hold up hope that in two years we will be in Beijing together. So, the brilliant Emily said the following.

"It is way better to work your way up than to be number one and have to stay there. Who wants to start off on top? It is much more satisfying to be the lovable underdogs who come from behind and win. There's a reason no one makes sports movies about the Yankees."

Well said, Em. Go Lovable Underdogs!

I'm back!

Hi everyone. I just got back from Italy late Sunday night. I have a ton of things I need to get done today so this is going to be a short note to say hi and that I am alive. I know everyone missed all of my posts for the last week and a half. ;)

I have a lot to say about World Championships and I am working on that blog post right now.

Enjoy your Columbus Day!

P.S. Just as a side note. Weather in Rochester, NY is crazy-it's 75 degrees today but on Friday we are expecting to receive our first snow shower at 45 degrees. How do we go from Monday at 75 to Friday at 45 degrees with snow? Thus is living in Rochester.

Lighting the match

"I am building a fire, and everyday I train, I add more fuel. At just the right moment, I light the match." --Mia Hamm

I can't tell you how true this statement is for every successful athlete. But (there is always a but) sometimes the match doesn't light. Meaning, the most difficult part of being an athlete is being in the zone at precisely the right moment. I think athletes train, visualize, meditate, do yoga, workout, and do a number of other things to try and get in the zone for competition but deep down each athlete knows it could be a hit or miss day. The matches could light the whole place on fire or they could not light at all.

First, what does being in the zone mean for an athlete? It means that while we are in competition, at least for fencing, doing all the right actions and hitting on every one of them. For the general athlete population it is when body and mind are functioning as one complete mechanism. For people in business realm it means that everything is coming together and flowing almost as if on it's own accord.

When I think of the times that I have truly been "in the zone" I felt like I was having an out of body experience or that I wasn't really fencing on that strip-someone else, my body double perhaps, was out there fencing for me. It's pretty incredible when you reach that point because time seems to slow down and everything around you happens in slow motion. Even the cheering in the background grows distant, all that is left is you, your foil, and the opponent in front of you. The opponent also changes too, targets open up and everything you do just seems to hit. There is also a level of confidence that develops too. In my mind it's the thought, "no matter how many touches this woman gets, I will get to 15 touches before she does." Being in the zone is almost like reaching a sense of calm where all worries and doubt fade away as you concentrate on the task at hand.

Now-how does one light that fire? Well, that's the question. Through more experiences and a sense of familiarity at competitions, the more a routine develops that could help an athlete along to that point of reaching the zone. However, there are so many ex-factors in competitions that throw even the greatest competitors off. The referee could be tired and making bad calls, the tournament can be delayed, the surrounding is unfamiliar, or you haven't gotten enough sleep the night before, etc. Although the athlete tries to control the situations and block them out, it doesn't erase the reality that things are slightly off. Sometimes athletes will not reach that zone. In my mind that's what makes competition so exciting for both the athlete and spectator because the anticipation is the killer. You never know who is going to win. You never know who is going to reach their peak and have all their stars align at the right moment.

The bottom line-as much as you train and prepare for the competition, there is always another factor that comes into play when you are out there. Luck. So, thank you to everyone who has wished me luck for this competition. Although all the preparation is in place we all need a little luck on our side in order to light the fire.

See you guys in Italia!

Flag on the play

There are a lot of sports that rely on referees and subjective judging. Think about figure skating or gymnastics. You wouldn't think that a sport that started off with dueling where the victor lived and the loser well, you know the rest, would rely so heavily on referees.

But fencing, more specifically the disciplines of sabre and foil, rely on judges to make the call as to which fencer had priority and is awarded a point. This is called "right of way".


WARNING: Long explanation ahead. For those of you who don't want to know all this technical stuff about fencing just move on.

Rules of Right of Way as explained by the US Fencing Association

Right of Way is a theory of armed combat that determines who receives a point when the fencers have both landed hits during the same action. The most basic, and important, precept of right of way is that the fencer who started to attack first will receive the point if they hit valid target. Naturally, fencer who is being attacked must defend themselves with a parry, or somehow cause their opponent to miss in order to take over right of way and score a point. Furthermore, a fencer who hesitates for too long while advancing on their opponent gives up right-of-way to their opponent. A touch scored against an opponent who hesitated to long is called an attack in preparation or a stop-hit, depending on the circumstances.

Additionally, the referee may determine that the two fencers truly attacked each other simultaneously. This simultaneous attack is a kind of tie - no points are awarded, and the fencers are ordered back en garde by the referee to continue fencing.

Please click HERE for more information on rules and more explanations on the sport of fencing.
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Basically, the referee in the sport has a lot of power to determine whether or not you win, so it is really important to make sure you have a referee that abides by the rules. Let's just get real here-sport is not immune to bribery, bias, and politics. Come on, we all know this.

Thus-the international fencing federation has decided to implement the following at the World Championships this year.


1) VIDEO REPLAY

This will allegedly take place from the table of 32 on in the individual events, and from the table of 8 in the team events.
(Supposedly after halt due to a light, the ref will review the last three seconds of action and then make the call.)



2) CHALLENGES (this is like football when the ref has to review the call)

Same as above, top 32 and top 8.

A fencer will have up to 3 challenges per Direct Elimination bout. In the team, a fencer will get one challenge per bout.

***The challenge will be reviewed by the ref and the Head Referee

***If the challenge is successful, the fencer maintains the amount of challenges he/she started with.

***If the challenge is unsuccessful, the fencer receives a warning. Another warning would result in a touch against the fencer.



There are a few comments here:

1. As a fencer I find this totally distracting but I am not going to worry about it. I have decided that if there is a problem, I will let my coach handle it. But all in all this prolonges an already long match.

2. There are a lot of times where a bout is 14-14 and the person wins on a bad call by the referee (bouts in direct elimination go to 15 touches). I can't imagine winning, having the call for me, and then a replay of x amount of minutes has just reversed the win. Wow-so when you win you may not really win. This brings me back to Florida...2000...hanging chads...anyone?

3. Postive: The video replay and challenges can act as a deterrent to bad referees, bribed referees, or biased referees but there are a few questions here.
Is every ref going to be on the same page, meaning an attack to one could not look like an attack to another referee? (For someone who doesn't fence, there are a lot of subtleties in the game at this level) And, how can I trust that the head referee isn't going to be biased? Is this just a waste of time?

Ultimately all changes in fencing occur as an effort to increase viewership of the sport and in turn marketability. Fencing federations are driving themselves (and the fencers) crazy by trying to change the way the game is played just to make it appealing to the viewer.

There was a stint with a clear mask but the Plexiglas was determined to be too unsafe. My sister, an engineer, had some of her friends test the durability and the safety of the mask when the mask first came out. Her friends just laughed and said-I can't believe you would wear this while someone is jabbing a weapon at your face. It's a good thing the FIE did all this useful testing AFTER all fencers were required to wear the mask during competition. Once again, the athlete is compromised in the name of commercialism. Let me not get into it.

In the end I think the video replay is going to be distracting and I think it will be distracting for the viewer.

The question to the audience is-what do you think about video replay in fencing? Is there ever going to be a way way to change the sport of fencing to make it more marketable? And at what point will enough be well, enough? Where do we draw the line between compromise and selling out our sport?

How to get info on World Championships

World Championships in Turin, Italy, starts in eight days. I have posted a couple of links in the right hand column of the blog that will help you find results as they come in. I think the most helpful link to get up to the minute results will be either the official website for the worlds or the Fencing.net site. The US Fencing website is extremely unreliable on a general basis therefore I would not rely on it for timely information. Don't get me started about how the official US Fencing website was down during the 2004 Olympics, right after a USA fencer won the first ever Olympic gold. Like I said, don't get me started.

Of course I will do what I can with the blog. I may not post for a while starting on Tuesday because I'll be en route to Italy and preparing for the competition.

Just an FYI for any of you interested. I have posted my week's schedule so you know what's up in Iris World for the time I am away:

Tuesday 2pm EST-leave for Italy
Wednesday 11am (European Time Zone)- arrive in Italy, take the day off and enjoy a nice bowl of Italian pasta :)
Thursday - Morning/early afternoon training with my coach and light practice with my team
Friday- rest day. I plan to take the day off completely, away from the fencing gym, and stroll along the River Po. It's not all fun and games..I am just trying to keep myself occupied so I don't think about how nervous I really am.
Saturday- Individual event Day 1 Rounds
Sunday-Individual event Day 2-Direct Elimination Table from 64 fencers
Monday-Wednesday-watch video tapes and practice before team event
Thursday-Team event


I am really excited to have the opportunity to stay in the Winter Olympic Village in Turin. The rumor is that we get bikes to ride around the village. I forsee disaster. I will be one of THOSE bikers with elbow, knee, shin, shoulder, full body pads and a big helmet. Perhaps I should just stay away from the bikes.

It also turns out that my ex-boyfriend is competing the same days as I am. May I mention that he was my boyfriend of almost four years and we were dating while I trained for the last Olympic Games. My, how times have changed.

I will post over the weekend because I have a few things to discuss before I leave. I just wanted to make sure everyone had the 411 on World Championships

Next blog...video replay is now making it's way into fencing. REF! Flag on the riposte? More on that soon.

Countdown...one week until lift off

The latest national/international camp at the Rochester Fencing Club finished this past Sunday. Like the Rochester airport, I am allowed to call this an international camp because there were Canadians here. Then you ask-Iris, if the camp ended on Sunday why haven't you blogged in a few days? The answer is-I feel like I haven't had a moment's rest in the past two weeks. I'm not complaining-I rather be doing this than sitting in an office cubicle everyday.

For this blog post I have a few issues to bring up:

1. The new Sesame Street character "Iris the Scary Fencing Monster".

2. Billie Jean King, take two

3. Countdown to World Championships

Issue One

During the camp I had some of the fencers videotape the women's foil team in order to evaluate strengths and weaknesses of our games. Sometimes watching videotapes can be sort of demoralizing because it shows every painful fault of your game. This time around was no different. Like every top level athlete I am a perfectionist, so I cringed with every drop of the shoulder, a lazy move, or improper judgement of timing and distance. Most of all, I was caught off guard by how scary I looked on the strip.

Yes folks, I am 5'8" and xxx lbs. (a lady never reveals her weight) of scariness. I had no idea. Rather than elegant, I thought I was elephant on the strip. Does the camera add ten pounds or am I just THAT much bigger than the rest of the USA women's foil team?

I panicked and thought to myself that this can't be good. I felt like I was probably exposing too much of my target as I come forward and try to push my opponent into making a mistake. While I take a lot of risks trying to be more aggressive, a lot of the shorter and smaller women are more patient and wait for an opportunity or opening. So what is the right answer for fencing? Is it better to be tall and big or short and small?

There are girls on other teams that are tall and athletic like myself, Russians, Chinese, and Germans (interestingly enough I am a combo of German and Chinese). The Chinese and Russian teams used to seek out the tallest girls to fence because the length was more of an advantage. The Japanese, Italian, and Romanian teams have shorter women who move very quickly and effectively.

Analysis for short women: they tend to move faster and have less target area.
Analysis for tall women: have more length and are more often stronger than their shorter opponents.

The real answer is that fencing is a neat sport because you can be any body type and fence according to your own physical and emotional strengths. The sport itself is pretty accomodating to everyone's abilities.

In the end I guess it's a good thing if I scare my opponents. Just as long as I score more touches than they do. It might not be all that pretty but I get my point across (all puns intended).

Issue Two

There have been several comments about the Billie Jean King blog. Darius, a fencer at the RFC, actually wrote a long comment with some questions. My answer to him is that women and men should not compete against each other but rather recognize that women and men play sports differently. Therefore, it's time to compare women to women rather than the traditional, "she plays like a man so of course she's good" .

Issue Three

I leave for Torino, Italy, the site of the 2006 Fencing World Championships, next Tuesday. I compete on September 30th, October 1st, and again on the 5th. Things are getting sort of hectic in Rochester and I'm getting those pre-competition jitters. Self-doubt has a great way of getting louder as you get closer to the moment of performance.

Goethe quote

Please pay special attention to the "Quote of the Day" attributed to German philosopher, Johann Wolfgang Goethe. This is the quote that my coach, Nat Goodhartz, said to me back at the beginning of June when I finally decided I wanted to train for Beijing. And I can't tell you how right she and Goethe have been.

Sometimes we allow real and created boundaries to keep us from doing the things we are most passionate about in our lives. If you truly feel you are drawn to doing this one thing don't be afraid to take that risk because once you make the commitment you will be surprised how things start to fall into place.

The quote:

The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise
occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising
in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and
material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come
his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has
genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."
— Attributed to Goethe

Camp, camp, and more camp

The women's foil team is having our last national camp before worlds from Friday to Sunday. This camp is going to be like none of the others with ALL members of the four person women's foil team together at last. One of the team members, Emily Cross, has been wearing a boot for the last month in order to heal some fractured bones in her foot so she has been unable to attend the other camps. It's a great opportunity for us to practice fencing as a team.

I am not sure if everyone reading this blog is aware that the sport of fencing has both an individual and team component to it. There is an individual event that lasts two days and a team event that usually takes place a few days after the individual event. There are three members of the team that fence and one alternate that is put in as needed. For example, the alternate would be put in when someone is injured or does better with a certain country or competitor. The three members of the USA team fence the three members of the other team in a 45 touch relay with timed intervals of three minutes.

In addition to the women at camp we have several top level men coming to fence with us from around the US and Canada. It's going to be tough because men tend to be much more mobile and agressive on the fencing strip. Remember, women are no better or worse, we just fence and play sports differently. Please refer to my last blog post for explanation.

This should be a great opportunity to get prepared for the upcoming World Championships. I am really excited to see everyone and fence some difficult bouts before heading off to Torino. This is it folks, we are coming down to the wire.

Thank you, Billie Jean King

Last night at practice I fenced one of the many seventeen year-old boys at the fencing club and managed to beat him pretty solidly. He was not happy and it definitely showed. Our coach had to pull him aside and speak to him about the match and general sportsmanship. During their conversation he told her, since he beat me once, he should be able to beat me from then on. Interesting.

I've thought a lot about the situation because I couldn't understand why he would be so upset? Afterall, I have twenty years of practice, fifteen years of competitive experience, world championship titles, olympian, etc. And this boy, although he's tall, athletic, and young, still doesn't have enough skill to beat me on a consistent basis. I just couldn't understand his frustration and why he would be so upset that I was beating him.

Then I thought about my time in Russia and fencing in Moscow with some of the top guys at the army club. To be honest, I couldn't beat a lot of them if I really tried because they over powered me all over the strip, but some of the younger guys I did beat. BUT-most of them wouldn't fence me unless their coach told them too and got angry with them if they would refuse to fence me. I thought about that too. Am I a bad fencer, awkward, annoying, a bad sport? Not really.

Then I thought about my friend Nicole that plays professional women's basketball. I know men watch everything and anything that says ESPN on it so why was the viewership of the WNBA finals so low? Why do men make a face and shrug when I even ask them if they are going to watch the WNBA finals?

Is it the same reason as one man I met the other week who said that he only watches tennis when Maria Sharapova plays? He said that it was too much to watch Serena Williams and she shouldn't even be wearing those tennis outfits because she's too muscular. I wonder if he even knows who Billie Jean King
is?

So, what does this add up to?

Some of you may have already guessed at the point I'm driving at with my first example or with the title of this blog, but I wanted to make sure that I get my point across.

Whether or not you are beating men in sports or playing sports that were traditionally dominated by men because women weren't ALLOWED to play, there is an obvious double standard. Yeah women can play sports but they have to look cute while doing it..and oh yeah, they shouldn't be able to beat men. I mean isn't it just genetics?

Hold on, I'm just getting on this soapbox because this chip on my shoulder is a big one. I just need a little help from the founder of the women's sports foundation and pioneer for women in sport.


Billie Jean King then and now.



“It is very hard to be a female leader. While it is assumed that any man, no matter how tough, has a soft side . . . any female leader is assumed to be one-dimensional.”
--Billie Jean King


Preach on, sister!


I know some people will read this and think that I've just gone off the deep end but I want this issue to be discussed and more importantly, addressed.

So listen up!

1.Women can do everything that men can do. We just do it differently. There is more than one way to play a sport.

2.Respect us if we play a sport well and don't just say it's because we played it like a man did. Billie Jean King beat Bobbie Riggs on Sept. 20, 1973 playing like a woman.

3.We sweat, get over it!

4.Athletic women are allowed to be any sexuality. AND WHY DOES IT MATTER ANYWAYS? Last time I checked sports were about competition and not romantic relationships. Why aren't men questioned about the hugs they give each other when they are on the football field?

5.A woman is still a woman even if she has muscles. She is allowed to be strong and feminine at the same time. I can't tell you how many times someone told me I was too big because I was muscular. A lot of women athletes fear being too muscular because they don't want to be seen as masculine, butch, or ugly. Women come in all different shapes and sizes. P.S. Men don't look all too great while they are playing sports either, but because we as a society believe that sweaty men=manly=hot then we believe that sweaty men are good looking. No, they're just stinky.

6.Don't be afraid that she can outrun you, out fence you, out play you because it is going to happen. GET OVER IT!


We should not allow gender to be a standard for sports, jobs, or life. If someone made a derogatory statement about someone's race then people are upset but people accept comments that men's basketball is more interesting-this means that we have truly missed the point and settled for disrespect. A different way to play the game does not equal less interesting.

The boy at the club didn't want to admit that he lost to a woman. I know if he lost to a male of my national ranking he would be upset but not to the extent he was when he fenced me. Aretha Franklin said it best, R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

At this year's US Open, the US Tennis Assocation officially renamed the National Tennis Center in Flushing, N.Y. after legendary tennis player Billie Jean King. Rather than honor her as the woman that beat a male pro tennis player, or as a decorated tennis player, or even as a visionary and pioneer for female athletes. I would like to honor her for being a woman who could hit the crap out of that tennis ball. Thanks, Billie Jean.

Back from Penn State

Hey everyone! I'm back from Penn State. I had a great time training with my friends and wish I could have stayed longer. I'm currently getting ready for another week of training and our last national camp before world championships.

Friday to Sunday will be the final camp before Worlds. This camp is going to be amazing with a bunch of top fencers from the states and Canada.I can't believe I'm leaving for Torino, Italy in a little over two weeks-anyone else nervous?

On the fundraising front. I'm not really making a ton of progress but I think with a little more patience things will start to happen. I have to spend this week putting together a portfolio for possible donors and sponsors. I hope raising money for myself will count towards something when I apply for business school in a few years. One can only dream.

Hope everyone is doing well! :)

Happy Valley

I'm going to Penn State tomorrow morning to practice with some of the Penn State team members. With the new school year starting and many of the Rochester Fencing Club members back at college, I don't have a ton of partners to practice with in Rochester. Much like boxing it's important to have sparring partners in order to practice and perfect technique.

One of the freshman at Penn State, Doris Willette, is on the world championship team this year. While I have been away from the sport, Doris has sky rocketed herself to the top of the national rankings. In Doris' early days of fencing she used to look up to me as I was one of the top women's foilists at the time. Now it is I who look up to her for encouragement and advice.

The changing of the guards between Doris and I, so to speak, made me think of how athletes evolve in their sport and the finite period of time in which an athlete has to be the best. Because the simple fact is, one minute you are the young phenom at the top of the world rankings, and the next minute you are bested by a person that grew up watching your every move. Look at Andre Agassi as a prime example. This past week Agassi ended his career at the US Open after playing opponents that were equal in age to the number of years Agassi had been playing tennis. Despite all that he still finished at the top of his game after with a crowd full of fans and a standing ovation.

Not that I think I am anywhere near the fame of Andre Agassi, but I would say that his example rings very true to what I've experienced coming back to the sport. I have been fencing nearly twenty years and Doris has been alive for only eighteen years. I am the oldest team member on the world team and the only one with Olympic experience. Sometimes I wish I could go back to when I was a rising star because at that moment I never thought that the medals and accolades would ever stop. The bottom line? Make the most of this moment because it will never again be this day, this hour, this minute, or this second.

A thank you is in order for Doris because she has been a huge support in my comeback to fencing. It's not often you find a teammate that is willing to put aside competitive drive to compliment you as well as provide thoughtful and constructive criticism for the purpose of improvement.

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As a side note-the Sacramento Monarchs are now tied in the finals of the WNBA championships with the Detroit Shock. The next game is on Saturday at 3:30pm EST on ESPN 2.

Also, an interesting tid bit. I had a meeting today with someone that is helping me with my fundraising efforts. At some point in the conversation she asked me how I wanted potential sponsors to portray me if they were to use my image for marketing purposes. I.E. Sharipova-her catch is that she's beautiful and wears dangly earrings. Serena Williams-her thing is that she's a very strong athlete from the hood. While I struggled to come up with an adjective to effectively describe what I wanted people to see in me-she wrote the word "INTENSE" down. I'm not sure how many products I can sell with my intensity but at least I know how I'm perceived. Am I that intense? Don't answer that.

Dust

I helped to start a remodeling effort at the Rochester Fencing Club a few weeks ago. Over the years the fencing club had turned into something like Grandma's old knick-knack closet with a community of dust bunnies and their offspring living in a growing metropolis of dust. Yes, it was that bad. The RFC has definitely gone through a face lift in the last few weeks and we've added a few things like a cafe, reception desk, and some new furniture.

I must of been crazy or hopped up on episodes of Extreme Makeover to want to begin this type of project. At least on Extreme Makeover they have people who know how to use power tools, know how to decorate, have sponsors like Home Depot, etc. Until now, I had me, myself, and I.

My cleaning efforts have sort of sparked a revolution of sorts at the Rochester Fencing Club. A few parents are getting involved by re-upholstering the couches, donating a table for a cafe/reception area, another mother is painting quotes and logos on the wall, etc. Everyone is taking this pretty seriously and this project has turned itself into Extreme Makeover "the budget version".

The lesson in all of this is people are willing to help out if you just give them a reason and some good solid encouragement. Everyone wanted to see changes made in the club but they didn't know whom to go to or what needed to be done exactly. Someone needed to be a central force in gathering people and telling them what needed to be done. If nothing else, I am excellent at telling people what to do. Some may call it "bossy" but I call it "effective teamwork coersion".

The question is why would I take on this project?

The surface answer that I give is, I wanted to change the club into something all the members could be proud of. This is really important since we are having so many national team camps in Rochester. Not to mention, I think it's a good thing for the members to feel invested in and inspired by this small sports community.

My real answer? Sometimes the past doesn't allow us to move on with the future.

A short history lesson.

The Rochester Fencing Club, as it is called now, used to be the Rochester Fencing Centre up until Buckie (my old coach) left. Twenty-five years ago Buckie built the fencing club in Rochester, first in downtown Rochester and fifteen years ago at the current location. When I say built, I mean built with his two hands. The lockers, the cabinets, the desks, the design of the entire place is his. Quite literally his thumbprint is everywhere in that club.

Soon after I went to college Buckie left Rochester, leaving a trail of burned bridges in his path. He was the centralizing force for the program and everyone thought that the RFC would be toast in his absence. I admit I probably thought that too since I followed Buckie to NYC to train for the 2004 Games.

Now he works in NYC in the shadow of what he once created here in Rochester. At one point in 1996 he coached about ten of the top-12 women in the states and Rochester was a world-reknowned training facility. But he isn't the man I remember him to be at Rochester Fencing Centre-the driven and crazy visionary who would stop at nothing to make champions.

You have to understand that this man was like a father to me. I spent more time with him on the road and in the fencing club than I did with my parents. I don't want to go into too much detail on this forum about what kind of coach he was because I think it's too personal.

The short of it is, he was a brutal coach at times, very controlling, and almost stifling. His approval permeated every aspect of my life. His every word was taken as absolute truth because he made us into champions whether we liked it or not. I learned hard work through him but with a lot of pain in return.

At this moment it's still very strange to be fencing without him-I don't even ask him for advice anymore. The most surreal experience happened at Nationals this year when he coached one of his younger students against me. He did it so loudly that I was too distracted to fence and ended up not scoring more than one touch on this girl.

I heard he uses me as an example to his students, "Iris would never cry even when I was yelling and hitting her". Because of that there are some young girls in NYC that look up to me but I would like to tell them my secret. The secret is that I wanted to cry, but I was too angry and afraid.

With everyone's help I'm going to dust off all the corners, cover all the cracks in the walls, give everything a new coat of paint but I do realize now that he is underneath all the layers. I will never be able to erase him from the club or from my life. He was there at the best and worst moments. I will always miss him and he will always be a part of me whether I like it or not.

Swing of the pendulum

When the pendulum swings towards a more positive trajectory we start to see the world in a completely different light. It's funny--I think the sun is even out today after a period of rain and dark clouds. Or maybe I haven't even noticed the weather because I've been carrying around a dark storm cloud over my head for the last week and a half.

I was wrong about that Dr. Slick, and perhaps I should start calling him Dr. Nice Guy because he delivered good news yesterday. After seeing the MRI he confirmed that there is no new tear in my meniscus. Whew! I can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

All this good news was followed by several good things:

1. The Sacramento Monarchs won their first game in the WNBA Finals. Next game against the Detroit Shock is on Friday and can be seen on ESPN 2 7:30pm EST.

2. I had a great therapy session followed by a great lesson this morning.

3. It's a month out from the first day of World Championships and I am finally feeling strong and ready.

This is all in stark contrast to yesterday.

When days are good I can silence the negative thoughts but when the days are bad those negative thoughts somehow find their way to a loud speaker. Yesterday I allowed those negative thoughts ("you're not good enough" and "you can't do this" and "you'll never be able to do this") to cripple me and I couldn't continue working. My coach had to stop the lesson half way through because I could no longer execute the simplest actions. Nat then sat me down and took some time to talk me down off of that ledge. I have to remember that some days will be better than others but I can't allow myself to feel like the glass is no longer half full.

Today I asked Nat how she is able to silence the negative thoughts and she said, "I find happiness in the little things like a sunny day, my beautiful home, my relationships, etc. Try reading the front page of the newspaper and then you won't feel so badly about your life." Meaning, even when you put all of your focus into doing something it is key to maintain the proper perspective when the going gets tough because one day--this too shall pass.

If all else fails, cry

In order to find a picture of my doctor, pick up a dictionary and look up the word "slick". I think my jaw dropped a little when he entered the exam room. I was dressed in a sweaty t-shirt and shorts while this tall and handsome surgeon was wearing a well tailored tan summer suit with matching tie and cuff links. The whole look was topped off by his well gelled hairdo that would have made Elvis jealous. I will admit he was good looking enough to throw off my hearts and minds strategy but only at the beginning.

After so many surgeries he knows his stuff but I don't think we connected because like a true surgeon Dr. Slick practically pulled out a scalpel at the mere mention of "meniscus tear". To his credit he did try to offer me some reassuring phrases of, "I know what you are going through and I will do my best to help you". Thanks, Doc.

At the end of the visit he asked me if I was going to be okay and I responded with a short period of silence followed by tears. Oh yes, I cried. I don't think this guy has any children because I think I scared him. It was sorta comforting how he awkwardly tapped me on the shoulder and threw me a box of tissues. At least he tried but I still hold true to my belief that they remove the soul from each orthopaedic surgeon before they take the doctor's oath.

The one good thing that Dr. Hair Gel did was ask about the kind of traits I wanted in a physical therapist. I told him I wanted someone that was humble enough to admit they didn't know a whole lot about the mechanics of fencing, smart enough to learn and apply his skills, and nice enough to invest in a working relationship with a neurotic fencer (AKA: Me). And much to my delight, my physical therapist at the sports therapy clinic is all those things.

My first session with the physical therapist went really well and I feel very positive about his abilities. At some point in the conversation-two hours later-he said something about this rehabilitation being a long-term task and "our" goal was to get me performing at my best. It was nice to know that he was at least thinking about working as a team for the long-term. We spent a lot of time together going over exercises of course but he did spend a great deal of time trying to reassure me that everything was going to be okay.

Dr. Well Groomed hasn't gotten back to me about the MRI results, but from what Chris mentioned he doesn't seem to think it has anything to do with the meniscus. He thinks that a lot of this has to do with the changes I have made in my mechanics in order to compensate for my knee pain/surgeries. I've developed several compensations after three surgeries that are putting stresses in previously healthy areas. I have to spend time strengthening my quads and working to break myself of the bad habits. One of the most obvious compensation I've developed is not keeping my back straight while I lunge so that most of the stress goes to my gluts instead of my quads and knees.

It was good that something happened at the beginning to force me to get a physical therapist so I can prevent any major mishaps down the line. Although I wasn't entirely impressed with Dr. Scalpel Happy, I am glad he had the sense enough to put me with a good physical therapist.

Life has it's ups and downs and hopefully things are on an upward trajectory.

A shout out to my coach for trying to keep me in a happy mental place. She has been kind enough to put up with all my neuroses.

knee update

The short of the visit is that we can't tell anything until the results of the MRI come in. I took the MRI this evening and should have some answers by tomorrow afternoon. I am also seeing a physical therapist tomorrow that could tell me something positive.

I'll have an amusing story about the doctor's visit in tomorrow blog. Let's just say that if all else fails, cry.

WNBA

Big shout out to my fellow female athletes on the Sacramento Monarchs WNBA team. They have made it to the finals and I expect everyone out there to keep watch for the defending World Champs to take the title yet again.

Click here for the finals schedule.