LESSON LEARNED
Let me just start off by saying that even if you are a hard worker, or you THINK you are a hard worker, you always work harder when there is someone there pushing you (and hopefully also cheering you on). I used to be a personal trainer in NYC, and people's inability to push themselves was the only reason I had a job. Everyone needs a boost sometimes to force them to do the things they know they must do.
When I was at Penn State this past weekend I had the opportunity to fence with Murat, a Penn State alum and an all-american fencer. This guy knows his stuff and has been around the block a few times in the sport of fencing.
It just so happens that I showed up to practice on Saturday and Sunday afternoon with an annoyed face and bad attitude. The truth is, I was tired and just didn't want to fence. So like any other self-respecting 25 year old Olympian, I whined, complained, and came close to throwing a tantrum. Come on people, you should know by now that Olympians are not super human or past any petty behavior.
Murat , someone much wiser than myself, ignored my bad attitude and pushed me to fight through it. He kept reminding me (even when I gave him a mean glare) that there are going to be moments where I am out on the strip and I may feel like I have nothing left, or I am struggling to make it through. He knew that if I pushed myself in that moment, it would only help me when it came to game time.
He didn't know it, but I was truly angry inside. I was so irritated at him because I his comments made me think that that I so weak that I allowed my emotions to get the best of me. No athlete wants to be perceived as weak of mind-trust me.
Shouldn't I be beyond this already? The anger kept growing and I kept getting hit over and over again by my practice partners, but somehow there was a small voice in me that agreed with Murat. Why not try and suck it up? I was already losing. Isn't this what I had been working on with the sports psychologist to begin with?
Before the end of practice, I said to myself, "If I can make it there on those Saturday and Sunday afternoons, I could sum up the guts to push it through the tough times." I had to push through it because deep down I knew that Murat was right. It turns out that once I freed myself of those negative emotions and focused squarely on the task at hand, I was able to turn things around and beat my opponent.
When I got back to Rochester, I realized how important his lesson had been and how important it was that I internalized what he said. Something had registered before the end of practice on Sunday, and on Monday's practice the positive effects of what I had learned were apparent. I felt much more confident in my lessons and my bouting. I felt more confident because I really knew, deep down, that I was strong enough to endure in any situation.
RICHMOND
The first national circuit is upon us. I am leaving for Richmond, Virginia, on Thursday and my competition is on Saturday. I'm going early to help Nat coach some of the boys from the club that compete on Friday.
I feel ready but most of all I feel happy. I have made some really big changes mentally, physically, and personally since my "dark period" after World Championships in Torino, Italy just a few months ago. Richmond will be a good marker for how things have progressed technically. If I can keep my head about me and my emotions in check, I will truly be able to use Richmond as a marker of progress.
I SHALL NOT....
Speaking of which I think I should make a mental note of all the things that I shall not do based on the negative things that happened in Torino.
1. I shall not let other people's opinion of my fencing career influence my confidence.
2. I shall not think that my result at the competition determines whether or not I am a good or successful person. (You will be surprised at how big this factor is.)
3. I shall not think that I have to live up to my past.
4. I shall have fun, lots of it.
5. I shall laugh.
6. I shall remember that fencing is only a sport and can only reveal my true self if I allow it not to be clouded by negative thoughts.
You have now entered the mind of an Olympian. Got more than you bargained for?
Well, it's time for bed. I have a fencing lesson at 10am with Nat and many things to do before I leave on Thursday.
I probably won't blog again until after I return from Richmond on Sunday. I'll let you know how it goes. Cross your fingers! :)
