This morning after a breakfast of seaweed and rice (they have toast here too but I actually liked the seaweed) I decided to get a workout in at the hotel health club.
The workout wasn't the problem-the gym was actually pretty good and everyone was seriously into their exercising. It was when I tried to check out the sauna that everything became a cultural faux pas on my part.
My first mistake was entering into the sauna/steam room/whirlpool area in a bathrobe. It is definitely an American thing to make sure you're covered in all the right places but in Korea, in this circumstance, everyone was buck naked. So, I took off the robe. When in Seoul.
Second mistake. In Korea they have three different types of "whirlpools"-one is cold, one is very hot, and the other one is bubbly and warm. I opted for the bubbly and warm one and just jumped right in. WRONG. After observing some of my naked friends, they took buckets of water, splashed themselves with the water and didn't get in. I got a very nasty look-I think I contaminated their water.
Third mistake. Don't stare. There was an area where you could take a shower but it wasn't a stand up shower. There were a few stations equipped with a shower nozzle, mirror, and shelf. In order to shower you had to squat onto a plastic seat, facing the mirror and then hand hold the shower nozzle. Each station looked like some short version of a vanity that you would use to put make up on, except for you were naked and showering with someone right next to you. I guess I shouldn't be staring but I would definitely have to work up to something like that. What can I say, I'm American-I like wearing a robe and leaving something to the imagination.
Regardless of all my cultural mistakes, I was able to get in a good sauna and an accidental whirlpool. It felt great after my morning workout and before afternoon practice.
I have one more day in Korea and then it's off to Shanghai for the next world cup. It's about time since I think I've eaten my quota of kim chi.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
Everything is in Korean
Long time no post. This post is going to be a bit interesting since all of the buttons and commands on the computer are all in Korean. I am in for a challenge-I just hope I press the "post" button instead of the "erase" button at the end.
I fenced in the first Olympic qualifier event this weekend in Seoul, Korea. I ended up 24th overall and the team took 9th. I am very proud of the USA team since we almost beat Hungary in overtime and Hungary ended up taking 2nd in the competition. Our team is a threat to everyone and we have beaten all the top level teams in one event or another.
As for the individual event I made some great strides personally and mentally. For one, I broke into the top-32 brackets which has been elusive since the first world cup in Austria in February. I drew a tough person in the second round and my Romanian opponent ended up taking third (she only ended up losing to the person that won the competition). We were tied going into the third round and two crucial mistakes made the difference between winning and losing for me.
The team is staying in Korea for the week to train until we leave for Shanghai, the site of our next world cup on this asian tour.
Apologies for not blogging a lot but it's difficult to get everything out on the interweb with limited access to the internet and limited time. During the down moments, when I am not practicing and competing, I like to spend time away from fencing. It helps to refresh me for the next steps if I take the time to do something else besides fencing, even if it is thinking about the clouds in the sky or the kim chi I am going to eat this week.
Have a great week everyone!
I fenced in the first Olympic qualifier event this weekend in Seoul, Korea. I ended up 24th overall and the team took 9th. I am very proud of the USA team since we almost beat Hungary in overtime and Hungary ended up taking 2nd in the competition. Our team is a threat to everyone and we have beaten all the top level teams in one event or another.
As for the individual event I made some great strides personally and mentally. For one, I broke into the top-32 brackets which has been elusive since the first world cup in Austria in February. I drew a tough person in the second round and my Romanian opponent ended up taking third (she only ended up losing to the person that won the competition). We were tied going into the third round and two crucial mistakes made the difference between winning and losing for me.
The team is staying in Korea for the week to train until we leave for Shanghai, the site of our next world cup on this asian tour.
Apologies for not blogging a lot but it's difficult to get everything out on the interweb with limited access to the internet and limited time. During the down moments, when I am not practicing and competing, I like to spend time away from fencing. It helps to refresh me for the next steps if I take the time to do something else besides fencing, even if it is thinking about the clouds in the sky or the kim chi I am going to eat this week.
Have a great week everyone!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Feelin' lucky
I received a check in the mail today from the Greater Rochester Amateur Foundation, and it turns out that a few people have donated to me after reading an article in the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle. I am not sure why I am surprised but I just didn't expect people to respond.
In addition to receiving some donations, I also received a few letters that encouraged me to follow my dreams. I think that the letters come at a very important time.
Next week officially starts the Olympic trials. The tournaments from now until April 2008 count towards Beijing-starting with Seoul, Korea a week from today.
When I spoke with my sport's psychologist this past week she told me that she hears a sense of calm in my voice that she's never heard before. I think part of that is due to last week's not so stellar performance in Tucson. There was a moment in my last match where I panicked. I had underestimated my opponent, she pulled ahead a bit and then I panicked. Right after the match I was stunned and couldn't understand where that panic came from but I definitely believe that we learn our biggest lessons with our biggest defeats.
After the tournament I stepped back to evaluate the tournament and I realized that the panic came because I was afraid to lose. The bottomline is that you cannot put everything into the fight, into each match, each touch, each competition, every practice, unless you are free of fear. Fear of losing, fear of other's people's perceptions, fear of not doing the right thing. The person who ends up winning isn't always the person who does everything perfectly but it is the person who wants it the most. If we are truly determined (and almost desparately determined) to reach a goal we don't experience the fear-we don't have time to bring fear into consideration.
The best part of competition is that it heightens stress and emotions to the point that it brings out the very best and the very worse of what you are feeling internally. In Tucson, I was not at my best but afterwards I made a pact with myself to finally rid myself the fear of losing. There isn't time for that if I am completely and utterly focused on making the team.
I have to admit that there was part of me, when this journey started, that wanted to hold myself back. In a way I was trying to protect myself after having fallen short of making the 2004 Olympic team. But now I have truly realized that I can't continue this and achieve the goals I have set out unless I put everything into this-blood, sweat, tears, heart, soul, everything. To the outside observer this may seem a bit extreme but this is also the reason that not everyone makes an Olympic team. It's also the reason that people are in awe of Olympians because of their determination and sacrifice to achieve a goal. So, who wants it most?
The answer is me.
In addition to receiving some donations, I also received a few letters that encouraged me to follow my dreams. I think that the letters come at a very important time.
Next week officially starts the Olympic trials. The tournaments from now until April 2008 count towards Beijing-starting with Seoul, Korea a week from today.
When I spoke with my sport's psychologist this past week she told me that she hears a sense of calm in my voice that she's never heard before. I think part of that is due to last week's not so stellar performance in Tucson. There was a moment in my last match where I panicked. I had underestimated my opponent, she pulled ahead a bit and then I panicked. Right after the match I was stunned and couldn't understand where that panic came from but I definitely believe that we learn our biggest lessons with our biggest defeats.
After the tournament I stepped back to evaluate the tournament and I realized that the panic came because I was afraid to lose. The bottomline is that you cannot put everything into the fight, into each match, each touch, each competition, every practice, unless you are free of fear. Fear of losing, fear of other's people's perceptions, fear of not doing the right thing. The person who ends up winning isn't always the person who does everything perfectly but it is the person who wants it the most. If we are truly determined (and almost desparately determined) to reach a goal we don't experience the fear-we don't have time to bring fear into consideration.
The best part of competition is that it heightens stress and emotions to the point that it brings out the very best and the very worse of what you are feeling internally. In Tucson, I was not at my best but afterwards I made a pact with myself to finally rid myself the fear of losing. There isn't time for that if I am completely and utterly focused on making the team.
I have to admit that there was part of me, when this journey started, that wanted to hold myself back. In a way I was trying to protect myself after having fallen short of making the 2004 Olympic team. But now I have truly realized that I can't continue this and achieve the goals I have set out unless I put everything into this-blood, sweat, tears, heart, soul, everything. To the outside observer this may seem a bit extreme but this is also the reason that not everyone makes an Olympic team. It's also the reason that people are in awe of Olympians because of their determination and sacrifice to achieve a goal. So, who wants it most?
The answer is me.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
quick update
Sorry for being so delayed in getting results to you. I am busy getting ready for the next set of tournaments coming up. My schedule is the following:
Wed-Fri fence at Penn State (just practice)
Saturday leave for San Francisco
Tuesday leave for Seoul, Korea
As you can see, the next week or so is kind of crazy and I am trying to prepare.
In Tucson I took 7th. Not my best result but I have many thoughts about it. It's a good thing that the tournament doesn't count for much.
I have much to talk about in the next blog.
Wed-Fri fence at Penn State (just practice)
Saturday leave for San Francisco
Tuesday leave for Seoul, Korea
As you can see, the next week or so is kind of crazy and I am trying to prepare.
In Tucson I took 7th. Not my best result but I have many thoughts about it. It's a good thing that the tournament doesn't count for much.
I have much to talk about in the next blog.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Just a few short notes
I am leaving for Tucson on Friday for the next national fencing event. The Division I women's foil event is on Saturday morning-I am not sure who came up with the 7-8am registration and 8:30am start time.
There will be much to report on Sunday when I get home.
A group of friends from the political campaign and Stanford are helping me put together a fundraiser in Palo Alto at the end of May. For now the info is as follows:
What: BBQ Fundraiser for Olympian and 2008 Olympic Hopeful Iris Zimmermann
When: May 25th afternoon (exact time TBD)
Where: Palo Alto (exact location TBD)
Entry: $20 donation
More information as it comes in.
And last but not least....
BLADES OF GLORY
Sounds like it should be a title for a cheesy fencing movie. Instead, it's the title of the new Will Ferrell flick that I saw this evening. (Going to the movies is part of the "relax before the tournament" plan).
There were a couple of funny scenes but the most hilarious part is how much I felt like I could relate to the premise of this silly movie. I laughed out loud when I realized this movie was about two top skaters coming back to the sport with different mindsets after a three year hiatus. Kind of makes me feel my story has been written before...
If you want to read more about the movie click here.
There will be much to report on Sunday when I get home.
A group of friends from the political campaign and Stanford are helping me put together a fundraiser in Palo Alto at the end of May. For now the info is as follows:
What: BBQ Fundraiser for Olympian and 2008 Olympic Hopeful Iris Zimmermann
When: May 25th afternoon (exact time TBD)
Where: Palo Alto (exact location TBD)
Entry: $20 donation
More information as it comes in.
And last but not least....
BLADES OF GLORY
Sounds like it should be a title for a cheesy fencing movie. Instead, it's the title of the new Will Ferrell flick that I saw this evening. (Going to the movies is part of the "relax before the tournament" plan).
There were a couple of funny scenes but the most hilarious part is how much I felt like I could relate to the premise of this silly movie. I laughed out loud when I realized this movie was about two top skaters coming back to the sport with different mindsets after a three year hiatus. Kind of makes me feel my story has been written before...
If you want to read more about the movie click here.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Recently published articles
Prepare for preparation to prepare
After twenty years of fencing I definitely know how to prepare for a competition, but....
I have to admit that the concept of tapering or "reduced training during the time frame directly preceding an athletic event" has always alluded me. I am not sure if I know how to reduce the amount of workload-I love to train and workout.
Many studies have been done on how much time an athlete should spend working out and physically preparing for a competition. Most of the studies that are done are sports specific or more specific to endurance competitions.
Take for example a marathon runner-since the Boston marathon was just completed. (By the way, what's with the female astronaut running for four hours along with the marathon? Let's talk about overachieving.) A lot about the marathon isn't a mystery-you know exactly how much time it takes to win, you know the track, you know what you feel like when you run long distances, you know how fast and how far you need to run each day leading up to the competition. I bet other long endurance races are similar in that there aren't a ton of mysteries about the race and therefore you can plan your training regimen right up until race day.
However, for sports like fencing where there are a lot of unpredictable factors during competition. The known entities for the fencer are the start time and the weapon they fence, but beyond that there aren't too many certainties about length of competition, who you are going to compete against, and what type of conditions exist at the fencing venue. The most important factor that takes a lot of time and experience for a fencer to figure out is how much should I, personally, train up until the tournament? The Japanese team does footwork in the hallways of the hotel before a world cup and one of my teammates does next to nothing a week before competition. They both do reasonably similar.
From my own twenty years of experience, the week before a competition isn't crucial for learning new things, let alone doing footwork in the hallway of a hotel. To me these types of things are like cramming for a test, it doesn't do anything but make you more nervous. For me, the week before a competition is crucial for mental preparation-of course you can't stop working out altogether, but your mind is the most important factor. If you don't feel like you have the right state of mind going into the competition it may be hard to pull yourself into a positive "in the zone" state once you are in the competition. (Although I have done that in the past as well.)
Again, it's not always easy to gauge exactly what you need before the competition to create a sense of readiness and sometimes you have to just rely on feeling. When I was younger I used to get so stressed out that I would often break down in tears at practice prior to the competition. Before I won cadet world championships at the age of 14, I spent one night after practice crying and sitting by my locker with my teammate Suzie Paxton. And although I don't remember this, Nat told me that I would often take Pepto Bismol before each competition-I must have blocked out that memory.
First of all I am too old to break down in tears anymore and there are better ways to handle mentally preparing for a competition besides breaking down. After working with a sports psychologist for the past few months and experiencing fencing as a "new me", I have come up with a few ways to put myself in a positive state of mind. It's important for me to feel happy and ready for the upcoming challenge. In other words, the more I look forward to being there, the better prepared I feel. This is not an easy concept for me since I was always filled with such dread before each competition-what if I don't win, what if I don't perform or do the right things, what if, what if.
The thing about veteran athletes is that they don't believe in the what if's and the second guessing. They just believe in themselves and aren't afraid to face competition and any of the uncertainties that come with it. Casey once told me something along the lines of, "At competition all the work is done and all that is left is to let yourself enjoy the experience."
So, here is to enjoying the experience and taking some time to rest/relax and blog.
An aside:
By now I am sure that everyone has been inundated by stories about the senseless acts that happened at Virginia Tech yesterday morning. I would like to send out my condolences to the students, staff, family, and friends of the students of the University who had to experience this tragedy.
I have to admit that the concept of tapering or "reduced training during the time frame directly preceding an athletic event" has always alluded me. I am not sure if I know how to reduce the amount of workload-I love to train and workout.
Many studies have been done on how much time an athlete should spend working out and physically preparing for a competition. Most of the studies that are done are sports specific or more specific to endurance competitions.
Take for example a marathon runner-since the Boston marathon was just completed. (By the way, what's with the female astronaut running for four hours along with the marathon? Let's talk about overachieving.) A lot about the marathon isn't a mystery-you know exactly how much time it takes to win, you know the track, you know what you feel like when you run long distances, you know how fast and how far you need to run each day leading up to the competition. I bet other long endurance races are similar in that there aren't a ton of mysteries about the race and therefore you can plan your training regimen right up until race day.
However, for sports like fencing where there are a lot of unpredictable factors during competition. The known entities for the fencer are the start time and the weapon they fence, but beyond that there aren't too many certainties about length of competition, who you are going to compete against, and what type of conditions exist at the fencing venue. The most important factor that takes a lot of time and experience for a fencer to figure out is how much should I, personally, train up until the tournament? The Japanese team does footwork in the hallways of the hotel before a world cup and one of my teammates does next to nothing a week before competition. They both do reasonably similar.
From my own twenty years of experience, the week before a competition isn't crucial for learning new things, let alone doing footwork in the hallway of a hotel. To me these types of things are like cramming for a test, it doesn't do anything but make you more nervous. For me, the week before a competition is crucial for mental preparation-of course you can't stop working out altogether, but your mind is the most important factor. If you don't feel like you have the right state of mind going into the competition it may be hard to pull yourself into a positive "in the zone" state once you are in the competition. (Although I have done that in the past as well.)
Again, it's not always easy to gauge exactly what you need before the competition to create a sense of readiness and sometimes you have to just rely on feeling. When I was younger I used to get so stressed out that I would often break down in tears at practice prior to the competition. Before I won cadet world championships at the age of 14, I spent one night after practice crying and sitting by my locker with my teammate Suzie Paxton. And although I don't remember this, Nat told me that I would often take Pepto Bismol before each competition-I must have blocked out that memory.
First of all I am too old to break down in tears anymore and there are better ways to handle mentally preparing for a competition besides breaking down. After working with a sports psychologist for the past few months and experiencing fencing as a "new me", I have come up with a few ways to put myself in a positive state of mind. It's important for me to feel happy and ready for the upcoming challenge. In other words, the more I look forward to being there, the better prepared I feel. This is not an easy concept for me since I was always filled with such dread before each competition-what if I don't win, what if I don't perform or do the right things, what if, what if.
The thing about veteran athletes is that they don't believe in the what if's and the second guessing. They just believe in themselves and aren't afraid to face competition and any of the uncertainties that come with it. Casey once told me something along the lines of, "At competition all the work is done and all that is left is to let yourself enjoy the experience."
So, here is to enjoying the experience and taking some time to rest/relax and blog.
An aside:
By now I am sure that everyone has been inundated by stories about the senseless acts that happened at Virginia Tech yesterday morning. I would like to send out my condolences to the students, staff, family, and friends of the students of the University who had to experience this tragedy.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
the downside
There aren't many downsides to training for the Olympics but I am definitely in the middle of a downside this weekend-or more appropriately April 16th, tax day.
Unfortunately, the life of an elite athlete in a sport that doesn't involve a ball being thrown around is not a lucrative one. The USOC grants are wonderful until tax day because taxes aren't taken out of the grant until the day you pay taxes and the amount that you are given do not cover the costs of the taxes you have to pay. It's quite the catch-22. The upside, the USFA just provided a results grant to the women's foil team for about $1,000, but I can't cash in because the fencing assocation is having cash flow problems. Hmmm....
This money complaint is fast becoming my new favorite country song, I just need a truck and a dog. Someone recently wrote a check to me through GRAAF, but it turns out the guy who writes the checks at the non-profit has been "out" for about a month. I don't know where he is but I can't even leave him a message on his machine anymore because it's full.
Shall I go on? How about, I feel as though while I am training for the Olympics I feel extremely pressured by all the money I owe for medical bills, taxes, and other bills. I think April 16th is a rough day for everyone but just know that it isn't any easier for an Olympian. I can't tell you how many bills I have stacking up in the corner for medical expenses from x-rays to the cast that was on my hand a few months ago. The US Fencing Association was supposed to pick up the tab for that but their insurance company told me I have a $500 deductible-which means they are only responsible for $200 of the total bill. Great, thanks.
I am not really looking for sympathy so much as a solution. Hopefully I will come through with something before I mail those thick tax return envelopes on Monday.
Good luck to everyone else this tax season.
Unfortunately, the life of an elite athlete in a sport that doesn't involve a ball being thrown around is not a lucrative one. The USOC grants are wonderful until tax day because taxes aren't taken out of the grant until the day you pay taxes and the amount that you are given do not cover the costs of the taxes you have to pay. It's quite the catch-22. The upside, the USFA just provided a results grant to the women's foil team for about $1,000, but I can't cash in because the fencing assocation is having cash flow problems. Hmmm....
This money complaint is fast becoming my new favorite country song, I just need a truck and a dog. Someone recently wrote a check to me through GRAAF, but it turns out the guy who writes the checks at the non-profit has been "out" for about a month. I don't know where he is but I can't even leave him a message on his machine anymore because it's full.
Shall I go on? How about, I feel as though while I am training for the Olympics I feel extremely pressured by all the money I owe for medical bills, taxes, and other bills. I think April 16th is a rough day for everyone but just know that it isn't any easier for an Olympian. I can't tell you how many bills I have stacking up in the corner for medical expenses from x-rays to the cast that was on my hand a few months ago. The US Fencing Association was supposed to pick up the tab for that but their insurance company told me I have a $500 deductible-which means they are only responsible for $200 of the total bill. Great, thanks.
I am not really looking for sympathy so much as a solution. Hopefully I will come through with something before I mail those thick tax return envelopes on Monday.
Good luck to everyone else this tax season.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Relax?
Today I went to the doctor for my annual physical. I believe I passed with flying colors. She asked me several questions about my health, do I smoke, do I drink, etc. Of course I said no and then she came to the question, do you do physical exercise on a regular basis? She then paused, looked at me, and we both laughed out loud. I guess that's a yes, she said.
And that wasn't even the funniest part of the whole exam (you can find laughter in anything, especially when you're wearing a hospital gown). The doc sat me at the end of the table and then proceeded to do the reflex test. You know the test, the one where they take a triangular rubber thing attached to the end of a stick and they hit various places to produce a reflex. I haven't failed at many things in my life but this is one instance where I never produce a reflex.
I don't think she has ever done this test on me so she was puzzled when she didn't get a reaction. She tried the other knee, then my elbow, then my wrist, and then furrowed her brow.
The doc: Relax, Iris.
Me: I am relaxed (I'm sort of nervous and shouting-yeah right I'm relaxed).
The doc: Um, well, we should talk.
Me: (Nervously-of course I am nervous, I am in a hospital gown) About what?
Doc: So, what do you do for fun?
Me: I don't know. (Should I have a good answer for this?)
Doc: You don't know? Do you do something other than fencing that is just something you do for you know, F-U-N?
Me: Fencing is the fun?
Doc: You know what relaxation is? Don't you?
Me: Sure I know what it is. I started playing piano a few months ago, but I was starting to get frustrated that I couldn't practice more often to play the songs more fluidly. It was stressful. Oh yeah, and when I was living in California I used to do bollywood dancing for fun. Yeah, they fitted me for an outfit the first day and when I couldn't get the steps after a few weeks, I quit. It was stressful.
Now that the conversation is written out I understand why my doctor responded with pure and deep laughter. I mean, the laughter just came from her toes to her stomach and out her mouth as a loud raucous laugh. This laughter wasn't really about picturing me doing bollywood dancing, but this laughter was about my inability to feel relaxed.
This got me thinking. The reality is that I wake up each day with the Olympics on my mind and questions for myself-am I doing enough? Will I win the next competition? If I do more of x will this help me become the best fencer? Did I get enough sleep? Should I eat more, should I eat less? You should hear these crazy conversations and questions I ask myself each day all for the sake of being the best I can be as a fencer.
At some point I accepted these questions because this is my life and didn't see it as stress but just part of an everyday routine. However, sometimes without realizing, the questioning and the drive to excel can become overwhelming. I really think there is something to be said about rejuvenating the mind, body, and soul through doing things just for the sake of doing things.
This isn't to say that I am stressed out, but I think it's important to acknowledge that rest can sometimes do more good than getting back on that treadmill for an hour. Sometimes the mind just needs a day off. Which I ended up doing today thanks to the doctor. I called up some friends and just hung out, talked about nothing in particular, and enjoyed a nice tall glass of milk and chocolate cake (it's on the diet...not really...but it was so good and felt relaxing).
In the long term relaxation plan I'm thinking about taking up pottery, painting, or some form of artwork when the season is over because I know that I am hands down the worst artist out there. Maybe knowing that I will never be good at it may be an effective way to find something that I won't try and overachieve at. If you ever met an Olympian, you will know that they never want to lose at anything so finding something to just do for the sake of doing is a little difficult.
So, that being said about me, what have you done to relax today? This week? This month? (Don't make me ask this year.) If nothing else you can try my doctor's prescription, just take a deep breath. Take as needed.
And that wasn't even the funniest part of the whole exam (you can find laughter in anything, especially when you're wearing a hospital gown). The doc sat me at the end of the table and then proceeded to do the reflex test. You know the test, the one where they take a triangular rubber thing attached to the end of a stick and they hit various places to produce a reflex. I haven't failed at many things in my life but this is one instance where I never produce a reflex.
I don't think she has ever done this test on me so she was puzzled when she didn't get a reaction. She tried the other knee, then my elbow, then my wrist, and then furrowed her brow.
The doc: Relax, Iris.
Me: I am relaxed (I'm sort of nervous and shouting-yeah right I'm relaxed).
The doc: Um, well, we should talk.
Me: (Nervously-of course I am nervous, I am in a hospital gown) About what?
Doc: So, what do you do for fun?
Me: I don't know. (Should I have a good answer for this?)
Doc: You don't know? Do you do something other than fencing that is just something you do for you know, F-U-N?
Me: Fencing is the fun?
Doc: You know what relaxation is? Don't you?
Me: Sure I know what it is. I started playing piano a few months ago, but I was starting to get frustrated that I couldn't practice more often to play the songs more fluidly. It was stressful. Oh yeah, and when I was living in California I used to do bollywood dancing for fun. Yeah, they fitted me for an outfit the first day and when I couldn't get the steps after a few weeks, I quit. It was stressful.
Now that the conversation is written out I understand why my doctor responded with pure and deep laughter. I mean, the laughter just came from her toes to her stomach and out her mouth as a loud raucous laugh. This laughter wasn't really about picturing me doing bollywood dancing, but this laughter was about my inability to feel relaxed.
This got me thinking. The reality is that I wake up each day with the Olympics on my mind and questions for myself-am I doing enough? Will I win the next competition? If I do more of x will this help me become the best fencer? Did I get enough sleep? Should I eat more, should I eat less? You should hear these crazy conversations and questions I ask myself each day all for the sake of being the best I can be as a fencer.
At some point I accepted these questions because this is my life and didn't see it as stress but just part of an everyday routine. However, sometimes without realizing, the questioning and the drive to excel can become overwhelming. I really think there is something to be said about rejuvenating the mind, body, and soul through doing things just for the sake of doing things.
This isn't to say that I am stressed out, but I think it's important to acknowledge that rest can sometimes do more good than getting back on that treadmill for an hour. Sometimes the mind just needs a day off. Which I ended up doing today thanks to the doctor. I called up some friends and just hung out, talked about nothing in particular, and enjoyed a nice tall glass of milk and chocolate cake (it's on the diet...not really...but it was so good and felt relaxing).
In the long term relaxation plan I'm thinking about taking up pottery, painting, or some form of artwork when the season is over because I know that I am hands down the worst artist out there. Maybe knowing that I will never be good at it may be an effective way to find something that I won't try and overachieve at. If you ever met an Olympian, you will know that they never want to lose at anything so finding something to just do for the sake of doing is a little difficult.
So, that being said about me, what have you done to relax today? This week? This month? (Don't make me ask this year.) If nothing else you can try my doctor's prescription, just take a deep breath. Take as needed.
Monday, April 09, 2007
New Arrival
Hanna Thompson, ranked second in the country and a teammate on the USA women's foil team, is moving to Rochester this week. She used to fence at RFC before she went to Ohio State for college. The funniest part of it all is that she started fencing, in part, because of me. Her older sister, Emmy, started fencing because we were classmates and heard that was something I did. Then, her younger twin sisters, Hanna and Metta, started fencing. And now look at her, training for the Olympic Games.
She and I will be training together for the Olympics with coach Nat. I am looking forward to having a training partner that is focused on the same things that I am focused on. It's nice for those days where motivation is a little lacking.
Welcome to Rochester, Hanna!
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Happy Easter!
Happy Easter everyone! It's a fine Sunday morning at State College, PA with two inches of snow on the ground. I'm hoping for a quick turn around of the weather so I can make the 4 hour drive back to Rochester without an issue.
Quick story about the weekend. On Friday afternoon I drove down to Penn State to fence and visit with some of my friends. The fencing has been great and seeing my good friends after so long has been good for the soul. But there is one moment in particular on Friday that made me realize how far I've come with my fencing.
Friday's practice was a practice like any other. There was fencing, there was fun, there was learning, etc. Then, at the end of practice four of the guys decided that I needed a little challenge, a team of four of them would fence against team Iris Zimmermann. Yup, four against one and I am not sure at the moment they asked that I believed that I could actually make it to twenty touches.
The first fencer got up to fence me, I beat him 5-3.
The second fencer got up to fence me, I beat him 5-2 and the score is now team Iris 10 and the four man team 5.
The third fencer got up to fence me, I score only 1 to his 2 points but then time ran out. The score was now 11-6.
Then the final fencer, the anchor of their team, starts to fence me. And for some reason something clicked and I scored 9 points to make the win 20-7.
I couldn't believe it. When I walked off the strip I was in awe-how did I beat four guys at the end of practice? Granted-the guys that I fenced were not in their best shape and haven't been training like I have, but still. You would think that they would at least make it to 10.
Needless to say, I had my own Billie Jean King moment and loved every minute of it. Take that, boys.
Quick story about the weekend. On Friday afternoon I drove down to Penn State to fence and visit with some of my friends. The fencing has been great and seeing my good friends after so long has been good for the soul. But there is one moment in particular on Friday that made me realize how far I've come with my fencing.
Friday's practice was a practice like any other. There was fencing, there was fun, there was learning, etc. Then, at the end of practice four of the guys decided that I needed a little challenge, a team of four of them would fence against team Iris Zimmermann. Yup, four against one and I am not sure at the moment they asked that I believed that I could actually make it to twenty touches.
The first fencer got up to fence me, I beat him 5-3.
The second fencer got up to fence me, I beat him 5-2 and the score is now team Iris 10 and the four man team 5.
The third fencer got up to fence me, I score only 1 to his 2 points but then time ran out. The score was now 11-6.
Then the final fencer, the anchor of their team, starts to fence me. And for some reason something clicked and I scored 9 points to make the win 20-7.
I couldn't believe it. When I walked off the strip I was in awe-how did I beat four guys at the end of practice? Granted-the guys that I fenced were not in their best shape and haven't been training like I have, but still. You would think that they would at least make it to 10.
Needless to say, I had my own Billie Jean King moment and loved every minute of it. Take that, boys.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Just kidding
The thing about Rochester is-although the life here is pretty predictable, the weather is not. No sooner did I title my last blog entry "Springtime", that a cold front hit with snow flurries hit the east coast. I even tried to disguise my entry by making the title French, but the snow gods of Rochester decided that I needed an instant replay of winter.
But despite the weather, I am still in great spirits. When I see the snow on my car and as my car slips on the wet pavement, I think of the sun and how glorious it will be when it finally comes out.
Enough about the weather and more about fencing because after all, isn't fencing what this is all about?
Okay, a short but amusing fencing story by Iris Zimmermann.
Once upon a time Iris was 16 years old (not that long ago so no one should be stretching the imagination too much-oh wait, does ten years ago qualify as a short time?). I used to train so much and work so hard that one of my teammates, Ann, decided to get me a No Fear t-shirt. Don't you remember those popular t-shirts with sport related phrases and quotes?
The No Fear shirt I was given, was grey and on the back was the following:
"I'm YOUNGER, FASTER, STRONGER and I practice while you sleep."
I used to wear this shirt with pride because the woman who gave it to me was someone I truly admired. Ann has made three Olympic teams from Barcelona, to Atlanta, and finally Sydney. While she was training for these games she managed to find time to 1. graduate from Columbia and 2. graduate from the University of Rochester Medical School. Yeah, they should make a t-shirt for her too.
"I am an Olympian, Ivy League graduate, and doctor. Come talk to me when you pick your jaw off the floor."
Well, the t-shirt was awesome and I wore it all the time. It inspired me and scared some of my opponents. In fact, the team at the Rochester Fencing Club would on some occasions recite the t-shirt to me. Why? Because it was true. I would practice until the cows came home. I was younger, I was faster, and I was always stronger.
Fast forward three knee surgeries, a degree from Stanford, and two years of retirement and trying to make the Beijing Olympic team later....
The t-shirt went missing for several years while I was in California but a month ago I found it once again. What do you think? A wonderful omen, a reminder of the past, what?
At first I thought to myself, what do I do with the line "younger" since I'm one of the oldest on the USA team and at the RFC? Seriously? Can I walk around with this t-shirt? I mean, some of the kids at the fencing club don't even know what a No Fear t-shirt is let alone the fact that some of them were born in the same year I wore it.
Then I thought, I am still the same person that wore this thing ten years ago, and I am still a great fencer. So what if there needs to be asterisks by each claim on the back?
I'm
Younger*
Faster**
Sronger***
and I practice while you sleep****
*Although this no longer applies, 26 isn't that old!
**Three knee surgeries may have slowed me down a bit but it was actually a good thing for my fencing tactics.
***Now I have strength of mind as well as strength of body.
****Haven't you ever heard of, "practice smarter, not harder"? It's my new mantra.
The t-shirt is back and so am I, perhaps a more thoughtful and wiser version. I'm glad I found the thing because most of all it reminds me of the great times I had training with some very incredible people.
But despite the weather, I am still in great spirits. When I see the snow on my car and as my car slips on the wet pavement, I think of the sun and how glorious it will be when it finally comes out.
Enough about the weather and more about fencing because after all, isn't fencing what this is all about?
Okay, a short but amusing fencing story by Iris Zimmermann.
Once upon a time Iris was 16 years old (not that long ago so no one should be stretching the imagination too much-oh wait, does ten years ago qualify as a short time?). I used to train so much and work so hard that one of my teammates, Ann, decided to get me a No Fear t-shirt. Don't you remember those popular t-shirts with sport related phrases and quotes?
The No Fear shirt I was given, was grey and on the back was the following:
"I'm YOUNGER, FASTER, STRONGER and I practice while you sleep."
I used to wear this shirt with pride because the woman who gave it to me was someone I truly admired. Ann has made three Olympic teams from Barcelona, to Atlanta, and finally Sydney. While she was training for these games she managed to find time to 1. graduate from Columbia and 2. graduate from the University of Rochester Medical School. Yeah, they should make a t-shirt for her too.
"I am an Olympian, Ivy League graduate, and doctor. Come talk to me when you pick your jaw off the floor."
Well, the t-shirt was awesome and I wore it all the time. It inspired me and scared some of my opponents. In fact, the team at the Rochester Fencing Club would on some occasions recite the t-shirt to me. Why? Because it was true. I would practice until the cows came home. I was younger, I was faster, and I was always stronger.
Fast forward three knee surgeries, a degree from Stanford, and two years of retirement and trying to make the Beijing Olympic team later....
The t-shirt went missing for several years while I was in California but a month ago I found it once again. What do you think? A wonderful omen, a reminder of the past, what?
At first I thought to myself, what do I do with the line "younger" since I'm one of the oldest on the USA team and at the RFC? Seriously? Can I walk around with this t-shirt? I mean, some of the kids at the fencing club don't even know what a No Fear t-shirt is let alone the fact that some of them were born in the same year I wore it.
Then I thought, I am still the same person that wore this thing ten years ago, and I am still a great fencer. So what if there needs to be asterisks by each claim on the back?
I'm
Younger*
Faster**
Sronger***
and I practice while you sleep****
*Although this no longer applies, 26 isn't that old!
**Three knee surgeries may have slowed me down a bit but it was actually a good thing for my fencing tactics.
***Now I have strength of mind as well as strength of body.
****Haven't you ever heard of, "practice smarter, not harder"? It's my new mantra.
The t-shirt is back and so am I, perhaps a more thoughtful and wiser version. I'm glad I found the thing because most of all it reminds me of the great times I had training with some very incredible people.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Printemps
What is it about the springtime, the warm weather, the sunny days, that bring such clarity of mind? The longer days also help to brighten up my mood because I don't feel like I need to roll up all the day's activities within the hours of 9-3pm.
I had a great practice tonight so I'm all smiles. This was my first practice back from the European tour and it went really well because I could tell that my fencing had jumped many levels in the last month. One of my teammates even complimented me on some new tactics and skills I learned.
For the first time I really felt in control of my fencing and didn't feel at any moment that I didn't have an answer for something my opponent was doing. Most of all my emotions were completely in check, and all my focus was on the task at hand-fencing each touch and fencing each bout. For the first time I was able to let things go around me and just focus. This is a big deal for someone that is so observant about the world around her. I woudl always worry about what this person is thinking of me, what is going on around me but at practice today, I was focused on me and my opponent, that was it.
Casey FitzRandolph, my speedskating mentor extraordinaire, would always tell me-do your best each and everyday whatever that may be. Ask yourself, "what is the best that Iris can be TODAY?" And today the statement finally sunk in.
As I sat in the locker room facing a sign where I wrote Casey's words, I felt like I was finally there. After months of struggling through changing my fencing style, trying to rid myself of past problems, breaking my finger (let us not forget that), and everything else I went through, I felt like I finally lived his words. Something has clicked inside me and I feel like I have truly become this new fencer. I'm no longer the old, no longer stuck in the past but I'm a hybrid-the past, present, and the hopeful future. I am finally letting myself be the best that I can be without second guessing myself.
It's hard to look back and admit to myself that, even at the start of the season, I wasn't ready for the challenge. Maybe physically but mentally I wasn't there yet, and still had to step into my new role on the team and my new role in the international world of fencing. But I do have to say that I feel renewed with more perspective and strength than I ever had. The best part is that there is more to come and more exciting things waiting to happen.
I am looking forward to getting more training in this month but I am most excited about my attitude. These past few days I have gotten up in the morning and just smiled at the thought that I would head to the gym or the fencing gym to work on the next few steps towards something great. My happiness has really come along and I am enjoying myself rather than worrying about what other people say or think and despite any of my doubts or negativity.
I had so much energy left over after practice that I just went to the gym and worked out for another hour just because I was feeling so great about practice. It may seem like a crazy thought but the gym has always been a fun place for me-my own place of zen. I guess in some ways it's better to think of the gym that way since I spend so much time there.
The lesson for today-Working on and maintaining a positive attitude can sometimes do more for progress than chipping away at the skill itself. I don't mean a positive attitude of just telling yourself that things are good, but actually feeling it mind, body, and soul-inside and out. Law of attraction. If I am positive that something is going to happen and if I am positive in general-I will draw more things that are positive in my direction. If I wake up each morning thankful that I have the time and skill to make the Olympic team-what can come from it but good?
I'm so happy that it's springtime-renewal, rebirth, and joy.
(Small disclaimer here. There is much work still to be done and not each day will feel as wonderful as today. The ups and downs are just the nature of things but at least I feel stronger to deal with them mentally and emotionally. Also, big steps were made last month and I wanted to acknowledge the hard work paying off.)
I had a great practice tonight so I'm all smiles. This was my first practice back from the European tour and it went really well because I could tell that my fencing had jumped many levels in the last month. One of my teammates even complimented me on some new tactics and skills I learned.
For the first time I really felt in control of my fencing and didn't feel at any moment that I didn't have an answer for something my opponent was doing. Most of all my emotions were completely in check, and all my focus was on the task at hand-fencing each touch and fencing each bout. For the first time I was able to let things go around me and just focus. This is a big deal for someone that is so observant about the world around her. I woudl always worry about what this person is thinking of me, what is going on around me but at practice today, I was focused on me and my opponent, that was it.
Casey FitzRandolph, my speedskating mentor extraordinaire, would always tell me-do your best each and everyday whatever that may be. Ask yourself, "what is the best that Iris can be TODAY?" And today the statement finally sunk in.
As I sat in the locker room facing a sign where I wrote Casey's words, I felt like I was finally there. After months of struggling through changing my fencing style, trying to rid myself of past problems, breaking my finger (let us not forget that), and everything else I went through, I felt like I finally lived his words. Something has clicked inside me and I feel like I have truly become this new fencer. I'm no longer the old, no longer stuck in the past but I'm a hybrid-the past, present, and the hopeful future. I am finally letting myself be the best that I can be without second guessing myself.
It's hard to look back and admit to myself that, even at the start of the season, I wasn't ready for the challenge. Maybe physically but mentally I wasn't there yet, and still had to step into my new role on the team and my new role in the international world of fencing. But I do have to say that I feel renewed with more perspective and strength than I ever had. The best part is that there is more to come and more exciting things waiting to happen.
I am looking forward to getting more training in this month but I am most excited about my attitude. These past few days I have gotten up in the morning and just smiled at the thought that I would head to the gym or the fencing gym to work on the next few steps towards something great. My happiness has really come along and I am enjoying myself rather than worrying about what other people say or think and despite any of my doubts or negativity.
I had so much energy left over after practice that I just went to the gym and worked out for another hour just because I was feeling so great about practice. It may seem like a crazy thought but the gym has always been a fun place for me-my own place of zen. I guess in some ways it's better to think of the gym that way since I spend so much time there.
The lesson for today-Working on and maintaining a positive attitude can sometimes do more for progress than chipping away at the skill itself. I don't mean a positive attitude of just telling yourself that things are good, but actually feeling it mind, body, and soul-inside and out. Law of attraction. If I am positive that something is going to happen and if I am positive in general-I will draw more things that are positive in my direction. If I wake up each morning thankful that I have the time and skill to make the Olympic team-what can come from it but good?
I'm so happy that it's springtime-renewal, rebirth, and joy.
(Small disclaimer here. There is much work still to be done and not each day will feel as wonderful as today. The ups and downs are just the nature of things but at least I feel stronger to deal with them mentally and emotionally. Also, big steps were made last month and I wanted to acknowledge the hard work paying off.)
Sunday, April 01, 2007
a conversation on the plane
A slight digression from the norm.
Everyone who knows me and knows this blog understands that I have a passion for discussing politics. I don't know, maybe it's from my father who always felt it necessary to listen to Rush Limbaugh because he was the opposition. I guess you always need to know what the other side is saying. I am just not sure how he puts up with all that crap? Apologies to anyone who is a Limbaugh fan.
Well, the reason I brought this up was because I was struck by a conversation I had with a German citizen on the plane from Madrid to Munich. For some reason we got to talking (I never really like meeting people on the plane, I much rather sleep) and he pulled out all the stops on what he hated about Americans.
Conversation went something like this:
German Guy: What were you doing in Spain? Were you on vacation?
Me: Actually, I was visiting a friend.
GG: Do you speak Spanish? Some Americans don't speak any languages and some of them speak some Spanish but overall, Americans try hard not to speak any languages.
Me: Yeah I guess so. I speak some languages and yes, I understand and can speak Spanish.
GG: Oh really? What languages do you speak?
Me: I can understand German, my father is German...
GG: You should really speak German, it's the most spoken language in the EU.
Me: (The obligatory) Oh really? That's interesting. I should probably speak German. (WHY IS HE TALKING TO ME? I'M TRAPPED IN THE STUPID MIDDLE SEAT AND I HAVEN'T SLEPT.)
GG: Your Dad is from Germany? Why is he living in the states, I bet he doesn't speak German anymore? Did you know that 40 percent of Americans claim German ancestry?
Me: (I'm not sure how many can claim Chinese and German heritage) Well, my parents moved to the states in the 1960's and at the time they felt that America had a lot of opportunities for their children. And, my father does still speak German and in fact he has a very thick accent so it's almost like he's speaking German when he's speaking English. (Desperately trying to get a laugh out of this guy.)
GG: Spain is probably the only place you have ever visited, right?
Me: (Now I am getting pissed but the reality is that there is another hour to the flight and I AM IN THE MIDDLE SEAT!) Well actually I've been to over 22 different countries...
GG: Probably like every other American, with a backpack and a Eur rail pass.
Me: Actually, I have been traveling to Europe and other countries since I was 14 years old. I am an Olympic fencer and I am currently training for the 2008 Games.
So, one would hope that after that he would shut up but he continued on his "well, you're American and you must be loud, obnoxious, rude, and think you own everything, and your shit doesn't stink, etc". Let's just say that it was a long flight from Madrid to Munich.
But the crazy thing is that I am less angry at this guy making assumptions about me than I am at the reasons he is going nuts about the states. The truth is that we as a nation have a bad rep right now and it isn't just this German guy. Everywhere I go I feel as though I have to apologize for carrying an American passport. On top of all that I find out more about the war in Iraq and the situation overseas on BBC and other European networks than I do at home.
I know this is a touchy subject but I think it's an important one to at least discuss. There has always been some hostility towards Americans while traveling but never have I experienced anything at this level of animosity. This is an important thing to consider since we may be doing some irreparable damage to our image. While we are busy fighting an enemy that hates us, we are simultaneously turning others against us.
Sorry for the digression but I couldn't resist my own two cents. It's my blog and I can get slightly political if I want to. ;)
Everyone who knows me and knows this blog understands that I have a passion for discussing politics. I don't know, maybe it's from my father who always felt it necessary to listen to Rush Limbaugh because he was the opposition. I guess you always need to know what the other side is saying. I am just not sure how he puts up with all that crap? Apologies to anyone who is a Limbaugh fan.
Well, the reason I brought this up was because I was struck by a conversation I had with a German citizen on the plane from Madrid to Munich. For some reason we got to talking (I never really like meeting people on the plane, I much rather sleep) and he pulled out all the stops on what he hated about Americans.
Conversation went something like this:
German Guy: What were you doing in Spain? Were you on vacation?
Me: Actually, I was visiting a friend.
GG: Do you speak Spanish? Some Americans don't speak any languages and some of them speak some Spanish but overall, Americans try hard not to speak any languages.
Me: Yeah I guess so. I speak some languages and yes, I understand and can speak Spanish.
GG: Oh really? What languages do you speak?
Me: I can understand German, my father is German...
GG: You should really speak German, it's the most spoken language in the EU.
Me: (The obligatory) Oh really? That's interesting. I should probably speak German. (WHY IS HE TALKING TO ME? I'M TRAPPED IN THE STUPID MIDDLE SEAT AND I HAVEN'T SLEPT.)
GG: Your Dad is from Germany? Why is he living in the states, I bet he doesn't speak German anymore? Did you know that 40 percent of Americans claim German ancestry?
Me: (I'm not sure how many can claim Chinese and German heritage) Well, my parents moved to the states in the 1960's and at the time they felt that America had a lot of opportunities for their children. And, my father does still speak German and in fact he has a very thick accent so it's almost like he's speaking German when he's speaking English. (Desperately trying to get a laugh out of this guy.)
GG: Spain is probably the only place you have ever visited, right?
Me: (Now I am getting pissed but the reality is that there is another hour to the flight and I AM IN THE MIDDLE SEAT!) Well actually I've been to over 22 different countries...
GG: Probably like every other American, with a backpack and a Eur rail pass.
Me: Actually, I have been traveling to Europe and other countries since I was 14 years old. I am an Olympic fencer and I am currently training for the 2008 Games.
So, one would hope that after that he would shut up but he continued on his "well, you're American and you must be loud, obnoxious, rude, and think you own everything, and your shit doesn't stink, etc". Let's just say that it was a long flight from Madrid to Munich.
But the crazy thing is that I am less angry at this guy making assumptions about me than I am at the reasons he is going nuts about the states. The truth is that we as a nation have a bad rep right now and it isn't just this German guy. Everywhere I go I feel as though I have to apologize for carrying an American passport. On top of all that I find out more about the war in Iraq and the situation overseas on BBC and other European networks than I do at home.
I know this is a touchy subject but I think it's an important one to at least discuss. There has always been some hostility towards Americans while traveling but never have I experienced anything at this level of animosity. This is an important thing to consider since we may be doing some irreparable damage to our image. While we are busy fighting an enemy that hates us, we are simultaneously turning others against us.
Sorry for the digression but I couldn't resist my own two cents. It's my blog and I can get slightly political if I want to. ;)
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Home sweet home
When I left Rochester about a month ago to make my journey through Europe, the ground was still frozen and covered over with snow and my car was still an ashy shade of gray from all the salt on the strees and highways.
Thus to my surprise, the sun was still out at 6:30pm when I touched down at the Rochester "International" airport. The sun is a rare sight in March, especially in a city that is infamous for ice storms in the early spring months. I was also suprised that I didn't need my large winter coat when I stepped onto the tarmack; spring is definitely in the air.
A lot has happened in my time away and unfortunately I didn't chronicle all of it as I was going through most of Eastern and some parts of Western Europe. Mostly it was a matter of time and internet constraints, but it was also that I wanted to be more present in the experience.
It will take me the next several weeks of downtime to untangle and write about my time in Europe and what it has done for my fencing and my life in general. But before I go on with the things I have learned, I think it's important that I explain something that I have been thinking about for a while.
About a month ago I received some feedback about this blog. This person shall remain nameless. As you all know I have been trying my best to raise money for my fencing and seeking sponsorship. A friend of mine looked at this blog and told me point blank, if you want people to fund you then you have to either keep the current blog secret or start a new one where your voice is more confident and less unsure. He thought I always sounded like the underdog in my entries.
I have to admit that I was truly taken aback and agreed. Yes of course, if I want sponsorship then it would be best to tell people how sure I am that I will win an Olympic medal. (An aside, yes, I am sure that I have what it takes to medal, but as to what happens at the Olympics one can only guess.) My catch phrase would be, "once a champion, always and forever a champion". In some ways that is true but at the moment taking top-64 at each tournament isn't making me feel much like a superstar.
Because of his comment, I just blogged some very superficial things and didn't reveal what I was really thinking. This went on for several weeks and then came Spain, and it was there that I had a revelation. (Leave it up to long lunches in the plaza mayor with wine and good company to make revelations possible.)
It was there in the plaza in Salamanca over crouquettes and ensalada that I thought about what I've been through and in what ways it defined me. I realized that it was through all these trials, struggles, and adversity that I would truly find out how strong I am and could be. Sometimes my words are too true for some but in order to accomplish the great things I am striving for, I have to be able to objectively evaluate both the good AND the bad.
The truth is that even the greatest men and women in history are revealed to have some of the greatest insecurities. Their accomplishments despite their problems are the very reasons why they are revered. Let's take Helen Keller for example-I am sure there were times where she cursed her life and felt angry or upset. But without admitting at least once that she had been dealt a rough hand, she wasn't able to pursue the other direction and move forward. It is a crazy example but we cannot accept the true greatness within her without realizing her struggle.
The purpose of this blog is a daily journal of my thoughts that are very real to the process. If I don't write these thoughts then I am not being true to the purpose. I think it's part of my job to show that this journey that I have chosen includes self-doubt, hardship, self-evaluation and re-evaluation, deep thought, etc. But I would think the audience would realize the truth about this journey; every step of the way is filled with hope and unwaivering faith in myself, my team, and the people who care for me.
Maybe when I was younger I did win everything, but it was never from a place of understanding but rather a place of ignorance and fear. Most often I won out of desperation because my former coach would react severely if I did otherwise. In the end I hardly remembered the good times and the wins because in those moments I felt a relief that I didn't let my coach down.
But now my fencing world is much different because I feel a sense of strength and freedom that I never felt before. This is all because what I am building now is a firm foundation to place the good parts of my past, the ones I remember, with the joys of practicing my sport, and from there will come the success I always dreamed of. I have deep faith in what I am building and I would hope that the people who read this blog would understand that.
All that being said, I think I will continue to chronicle this journey as I see it with all it's blemishes along with it's great moments. The reality is that there isn't one without the other and if the audience will bear it, I will tell you the important details of what it is like to be Iris Zimmermann on the road to Beijing.
Thus to my surprise, the sun was still out at 6:30pm when I touched down at the Rochester "International" airport. The sun is a rare sight in March, especially in a city that is infamous for ice storms in the early spring months. I was also suprised that I didn't need my large winter coat when I stepped onto the tarmack; spring is definitely in the air.
A lot has happened in my time away and unfortunately I didn't chronicle all of it as I was going through most of Eastern and some parts of Western Europe. Mostly it was a matter of time and internet constraints, but it was also that I wanted to be more present in the experience.
It will take me the next several weeks of downtime to untangle and write about my time in Europe and what it has done for my fencing and my life in general. But before I go on with the things I have learned, I think it's important that I explain something that I have been thinking about for a while.
About a month ago I received some feedback about this blog. This person shall remain nameless. As you all know I have been trying my best to raise money for my fencing and seeking sponsorship. A friend of mine looked at this blog and told me point blank, if you want people to fund you then you have to either keep the current blog secret or start a new one where your voice is more confident and less unsure. He thought I always sounded like the underdog in my entries.
I have to admit that I was truly taken aback and agreed. Yes of course, if I want sponsorship then it would be best to tell people how sure I am that I will win an Olympic medal. (An aside, yes, I am sure that I have what it takes to medal, but as to what happens at the Olympics one can only guess.) My catch phrase would be, "once a champion, always and forever a champion". In some ways that is true but at the moment taking top-64 at each tournament isn't making me feel much like a superstar.
Because of his comment, I just blogged some very superficial things and didn't reveal what I was really thinking. This went on for several weeks and then came Spain, and it was there that I had a revelation. (Leave it up to long lunches in the plaza mayor with wine and good company to make revelations possible.)
It was there in the plaza in Salamanca over crouquettes and ensalada that I thought about what I've been through and in what ways it defined me. I realized that it was through all these trials, struggles, and adversity that I would truly find out how strong I am and could be. Sometimes my words are too true for some but in order to accomplish the great things I am striving for, I have to be able to objectively evaluate both the good AND the bad.
The truth is that even the greatest men and women in history are revealed to have some of the greatest insecurities. Their accomplishments despite their problems are the very reasons why they are revered. Let's take Helen Keller for example-I am sure there were times where she cursed her life and felt angry or upset. But without admitting at least once that she had been dealt a rough hand, she wasn't able to pursue the other direction and move forward. It is a crazy example but we cannot accept the true greatness within her without realizing her struggle.
The purpose of this blog is a daily journal of my thoughts that are very real to the process. If I don't write these thoughts then I am not being true to the purpose. I think it's part of my job to show that this journey that I have chosen includes self-doubt, hardship, self-evaluation and re-evaluation, deep thought, etc. But I would think the audience would realize the truth about this journey; every step of the way is filled with hope and unwaivering faith in myself, my team, and the people who care for me.
Maybe when I was younger I did win everything, but it was never from a place of understanding but rather a place of ignorance and fear. Most often I won out of desperation because my former coach would react severely if I did otherwise. In the end I hardly remembered the good times and the wins because in those moments I felt a relief that I didn't let my coach down.
But now my fencing world is much different because I feel a sense of strength and freedom that I never felt before. This is all because what I am building now is a firm foundation to place the good parts of my past, the ones I remember, with the joys of practicing my sport, and from there will come the success I always dreamed of. I have deep faith in what I am building and I would hope that the people who read this blog would understand that.
All that being said, I think I will continue to chronicle this journey as I see it with all it's blemishes along with it's great moments. The reality is that there isn't one without the other and if the audience will bear it, I will tell you the important details of what it is like to be Iris Zimmermann on the road to Beijing.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Last but not least
My friend in NYC asked me where I was the other day and after that I realized I wasn't doing a great job of updating the blog and letting people know where I am.
Well, I am currently in Marseille, France and I am awaiting a 9pm flight to Madrid. I finished the last world cup for this month just yesterday and now I am going to spend one week in Spain with a friend of mine before heading back to the states on Friday.
The competition in Marseille went well and I feel as thought I've made a lot of progress. My game is coming along slowly but I know that things will start to roll soon. It's nice to have one month off to train before heading to another batch of world cups. I think my mentor and fellow Olympian Casey says it best (this was an email that he sent to me before the last competition).
"....anybody that's a world class athlete knows that once things start heading in the right direction it doesn't take very long to make big jumps. One or two minor things improved, the confidence and relaxation that comes with it....all of a sudden you're rolling."
The team event was actually pretty amazing. We beat Japan and France to take fourth place. US women's foil hasn't taken a result this high since 2001 when we won the bronze medal at the world championships. I can't believe how fast our group has gelled to become a powerhouse. We are definitely determined and on our way to qualifying a USA team to Beijing.
As for me I am ready for a well deserved nap and break. These three tournaments have taken a lot of energy and I'm excited for some r&r with a good friend of mine from college. She's currently playing basketball in Salamanca and I am excited to hang out with her and not think about fencing for a few days.
I hope that Spring is in the air in the USA because it's definitely gorgeous here in Marseille. :)
Well, I am currently in Marseille, France and I am awaiting a 9pm flight to Madrid. I finished the last world cup for this month just yesterday and now I am going to spend one week in Spain with a friend of mine before heading back to the states on Friday.
The competition in Marseille went well and I feel as thought I've made a lot of progress. My game is coming along slowly but I know that things will start to roll soon. It's nice to have one month off to train before heading to another batch of world cups. I think my mentor and fellow Olympian Casey says it best (this was an email that he sent to me before the last competition).
"....anybody that's a world class athlete knows that once things start heading in the right direction it doesn't take very long to make big jumps. One or two minor things improved, the confidence and relaxation that comes with it....all of a sudden you're rolling."
The team event was actually pretty amazing. We beat Japan and France to take fourth place. US women's foil hasn't taken a result this high since 2001 when we won the bronze medal at the world championships. I can't believe how fast our group has gelled to become a powerhouse. We are definitely determined and on our way to qualifying a USA team to Beijing.
As for me I am ready for a well deserved nap and break. These three tournaments have taken a lot of energy and I'm excited for some r&r with a good friend of mine from college. She's currently playing basketball in Salamanca and I am excited to hang out with her and not think about fencing for a few days.
I hope that Spring is in the air in the USA because it's definitely gorgeous here in Marseille. :)
Monday, March 19, 2007
change comes slowly
I know that a lot of you are looking forward to hearing about the progress that I am making on the Olympic campaign.
The truth is that things are going slowly and progress is made in steps (as they should be). It's kind of like the presidential race. Things are sort of about fundraising, getting your name out there, trial and error because the big race comes months before the election. Things will begin to pick up but it's best not to spin your wheels too much before the big push. And in my case the big push is the Olympics.
These past four world cups have been a lot about self-discovery and finding my own groove again. I think everyone, including myself, wanted me to jump into things and win everything right away. I have learned that first of all, that isn't realistic and secondly, there are some things I have had to work through to come this far.
This is not to say that I am not doing well or working towards my goals. The reality is that I have been steadily climbing up the world ranking ladder and making some very key changes in my mental and physical game. I have become much stronger in both areas since this adventure started.
The bottomline is that I am truly happy at this moment with my progress. I am really thankful for this opportunity and consider it successful in learning more about myself and my reactions to stressful situations. I think we don't truly know who we are unless we test ourself and it is what we do with this information and the change we can produce that is a true measure of our inner strength. It's sometimes hard to describe to people what is going on internally and to reassure everyone that I am right on track.
I have learned a lot of the lessons in the past few weeks and I want to share some of them with you.
1. You must have unwaivering faith in yourself. There will always be onlookers, backseat drivers, and nay sayers but if you become your best advocate you are more powerful than the negative energy thrown your way.
2. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and get rid of the people who doubt you or try to sabbotage you. The trick is figuring out who these people are but if you have number one down then you should be able to make a strong decision.
3. You are your most powerful ally and most powerful enemy. If you constantly fight yourself then you cannot progress.
4. Working from a space of happiness and positive energy is much more effective than driving yourself through negative feedback. Your physical and mental self reacts differently to
"You have to practice more because you can't do anything right."
than it does to
"You should work on this specific thing because it will make you even better, stronger, and faster than you already are."
If you work from the positive you can only make your progress more positive.
It's amazing how many times I try to force myself to get better through fear or negative self talk and in the end the progress has no real foundation.
5. Trust the decisions that you make for yourself. Everyone works differently and it is inevitable that everyone has varying opinions of what you should do. If you trust your decision then it becomes the "right" decision.
6. If you want to succeed at life you have to see failure as a temporary state of being and success as a permanent state. How can you possibly win if you cannot see yourself as a winner?
7. Dwelling on positive factors of life and turning bad situations into positive situations will help to attract more positive energy your way. In the beginning I would focus on the things I didn't have and what wasn't going right for me but once I turned my thinking around and started dwelling on all of my strong and positive attributes it increased my fencing ability ten fold. Once you believe in yourself and become your own best advocate, there won't be a limit to what you are capable of doing.
Alright, seven things. I think they all have some of the same themes but I think you get the point.
Hopefully I will learn more this weekend in France for the next blog.
I leave Budapest tomorrow morning for a world cup and team event in Marseille. From Marseille I am going to Spain. I am actually taking a few days to visit a friend in Salamanca before going back home on the 30th.
The truth is that things are going slowly and progress is made in steps (as they should be). It's kind of like the presidential race. Things are sort of about fundraising, getting your name out there, trial and error because the big race comes months before the election. Things will begin to pick up but it's best not to spin your wheels too much before the big push. And in my case the big push is the Olympics.
These past four world cups have been a lot about self-discovery and finding my own groove again. I think everyone, including myself, wanted me to jump into things and win everything right away. I have learned that first of all, that isn't realistic and secondly, there are some things I have had to work through to come this far.
This is not to say that I am not doing well or working towards my goals. The reality is that I have been steadily climbing up the world ranking ladder and making some very key changes in my mental and physical game. I have become much stronger in both areas since this adventure started.
The bottomline is that I am truly happy at this moment with my progress. I am really thankful for this opportunity and consider it successful in learning more about myself and my reactions to stressful situations. I think we don't truly know who we are unless we test ourself and it is what we do with this information and the change we can produce that is a true measure of our inner strength. It's sometimes hard to describe to people what is going on internally and to reassure everyone that I am right on track.
I have learned a lot of the lessons in the past few weeks and I want to share some of them with you.
1. You must have unwaivering faith in yourself. There will always be onlookers, backseat drivers, and nay sayers but if you become your best advocate you are more powerful than the negative energy thrown your way.
2. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and get rid of the people who doubt you or try to sabbotage you. The trick is figuring out who these people are but if you have number one down then you should be able to make a strong decision.
3. You are your most powerful ally and most powerful enemy. If you constantly fight yourself then you cannot progress.
4. Working from a space of happiness and positive energy is much more effective than driving yourself through negative feedback. Your physical and mental self reacts differently to
"You have to practice more because you can't do anything right."
than it does to
"You should work on this specific thing because it will make you even better, stronger, and faster than you already are."
If you work from the positive you can only make your progress more positive.
It's amazing how many times I try to force myself to get better through fear or negative self talk and in the end the progress has no real foundation.
5. Trust the decisions that you make for yourself. Everyone works differently and it is inevitable that everyone has varying opinions of what you should do. If you trust your decision then it becomes the "right" decision.
6. If you want to succeed at life you have to see failure as a temporary state of being and success as a permanent state. How can you possibly win if you cannot see yourself as a winner?
7. Dwelling on positive factors of life and turning bad situations into positive situations will help to attract more positive energy your way. In the beginning I would focus on the things I didn't have and what wasn't going right for me but once I turned my thinking around and started dwelling on all of my strong and positive attributes it increased my fencing ability ten fold. Once you believe in yourself and become your own best advocate, there won't be a limit to what you are capable of doing.
Alright, seven things. I think they all have some of the same themes but I think you get the point.
Hopefully I will learn more this weekend in France for the next blog.
I leave Budapest tomorrow morning for a world cup and team event in Marseille. From Marseille I am going to Spain. I am actually taking a few days to visit a friend in Salamanca before going back home on the 30th.
Budapest and some photos
Yes folks, I am in Hungary. I'm staying in an apartment in Budapest for a few days before we leave for France.
A photo of the apartment below. Hanna and I are sitting on one of the couches in the living room.
Yeah, that's what we look like after two weeks of traveling and fencing in Europe. Don't laugh.
Emily took some photos of us on our European tour and I wanted to share some with you.
Here's one of Hanna and I with two German fencers. Anja, on the right is currently one of the top ranked fencers in the world.
The next photo is of me on the train from St. Petersburg to Moscow.
And last but not least is a photo of me standing in front of our family store in Germany. Just kidding. Zimmermann is a popular German name, kind of like Smith in the States, and there are a chain of stores named Zimmermann. I am not really sure what the store is or what they sell, but it's pretty neat.
I hope you enjoyed the photos. I promise that my blog will be less superficial soon. I have just been a little busy fencing, packing, and shlepping my fencing bag around Eastern Europe.
A photo of the apartment below. Hanna and I are sitting on one of the couches in the living room.
Yeah, that's what we look like after two weeks of traveling and fencing in Europe. Don't laugh.
Emily took some photos of us on our European tour and I wanted to share some with you.
Here's one of Hanna and I with two German fencers. Anja, on the right is currently one of the top ranked fencers in the world.
The next photo is of me on the train from St. Petersburg to Moscow.
And last but not least is a photo of me standing in front of our family store in Germany. Just kidding. Zimmermann is a popular German name, kind of like Smith in the States, and there are a chain of stores named Zimmermann. I am not really sure what the store is or what they sell, but it's pretty neat.
I hope you enjoyed the photos. I promise that my blog will be less superficial soon. I have just been a little busy fencing, packing, and shlepping my fencing bag around Eastern Europe.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Moscow-Frankfurt-Budapest, oh my!
I'm currently in Frankfurt on my way to another world cup in Budapest, Hungary. This month has been a crazy one in terms of travel. I always wonder if people in other sports have to shlep as much stuff from one country to the next? Horseback riding perhaps? I wonder how much they charge for the extra steed?
I had a great time this past week staying with my former host family. The best part was that I picked up some more Russian along the way. This morning when I rang my parents I answered "Da" instead of "yes" purely on instinct-I guess that's progress? My host Mom in Russia told me last night that she was impressed with my ability to communicate in different languages and some of the more tough ones including Russian and Chinese.
I just told her that I enjoyed learning about people's lives and being able to communicate with them and that's why I make such an effort to speak different languages. It turns out that people are pretty much the same around the world and want a lot of the same things-too many times we allow some cultural differences to get in the way of the opportunity for friendships. This time in Russia, I felt more proficient in the language because I was less concerned about correct grammer and more concerned about listening to what they had to say.
Okay, enough about communicating. Now is the time for fencing action. A trainer is actually meeting up with the USA fencing team in Budapest. It's nice timing since I think I need a tune up-maybe some stretches, maybe a massage. :)
I fence tomorrow and Saturday in Budapest. I am pretty sure that it's hard to come by internet access there so I won't be able to post anything until Monday after the competition. It's probably for the best since I seem to work better when I'm solely focused on the fencing part. I am staying in Budapest for three days and then traveling to Marseille, France for another world cup (the last of the three this month) on Thursday, the 22nd.
I miss home but I'm always reminded at how lucky I am to be able to travel around the world like I do. There isn't much time for sightseeing but there is always time to communicate.
On to Hungary!
I had a great time this past week staying with my former host family. The best part was that I picked up some more Russian along the way. This morning when I rang my parents I answered "Da" instead of "yes" purely on instinct-I guess that's progress? My host Mom in Russia told me last night that she was impressed with my ability to communicate in different languages and some of the more tough ones including Russian and Chinese.
I just told her that I enjoyed learning about people's lives and being able to communicate with them and that's why I make such an effort to speak different languages. It turns out that people are pretty much the same around the world and want a lot of the same things-too many times we allow some cultural differences to get in the way of the opportunity for friendships. This time in Russia, I felt more proficient in the language because I was less concerned about correct grammer and more concerned about listening to what they had to say.
Okay, enough about communicating. Now is the time for fencing action. A trainer is actually meeting up with the USA fencing team in Budapest. It's nice timing since I think I need a tune up-maybe some stretches, maybe a massage. :)
I fence tomorrow and Saturday in Budapest. I am pretty sure that it's hard to come by internet access there so I won't be able to post anything until Monday after the competition. It's probably for the best since I seem to work better when I'm solely focused on the fencing part. I am staying in Budapest for three days and then traveling to Marseille, France for another world cup (the last of the three this month) on Thursday, the 22nd.
I miss home but I'm always reminded at how lucky I am to be able to travel around the world like I do. There isn't much time for sightseeing but there is always time to communicate.
On to Hungary!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Russia
It's such a trip to be back in Russia after a year hiatus. It's especially cool to be hanging out and living with the same host family that I stayed with in 2005. I seem to be getting some of the language back but perhaps that's just reading into the low expectations and high compliments of my friends.
As per usual I don't have a lot of time to be on the internet. It costs a few more rubles than I am willing to pay and I still have more sightseeing to do before tomorrow.
I know I still have to talk about the St. Petersburg competition but since I'm under a time crunch I am going to keep it short. Individually I did well, even though my final result didn't indicate that. The girl that I lost to in the top-64 is someone that has always been a bit difficult for me to beat. That being said, I don't think I will have the same problem the next time around.
The team event on the third day of competition went really well. The girls all worked together very well and we ended up 6th. We almost beat Russia, the current team world champions, and lost to them by one point in overtime. I fenced really well and showed myself and my coach the progress that I have been longing to see these past few months.
All is good here in Russia. Lenin is still where he is, Red Sqaure is still where it is, and the internet cafe I used to go to is still where it is.
Until tomorrow! :)
As per usual I don't have a lot of time to be on the internet. It costs a few more rubles than I am willing to pay and I still have more sightseeing to do before tomorrow.
I know I still have to talk about the St. Petersburg competition but since I'm under a time crunch I am going to keep it short. Individually I did well, even though my final result didn't indicate that. The girl that I lost to in the top-64 is someone that has always been a bit difficult for me to beat. That being said, I don't think I will have the same problem the next time around.
The team event on the third day of competition went really well. The girls all worked together very well and we ended up 6th. We almost beat Russia, the current team world champions, and lost to them by one point in overtime. I fenced really well and showed myself and my coach the progress that I have been longing to see these past few months.
All is good here in Russia. Lenin is still where he is, Red Sqaure is still where it is, and the internet cafe I used to go to is still where it is.
Until tomorrow! :)
Monday, March 12, 2007
Moskva!
I'm back in blogging business! After a long hiatus from the internet I have found a wireless spot in St. Petersburg, Russia.
Below is a photo of me and my friend Beto jumping on the sidewalk at the Kremlin in Moscow two years ago while we were studying there.
I never thought I would return to the land of Stalin and borscht, but today I'm taking the train from St. Petersburg to spend a week in Moscow before heading to Budapest, Hungary on Friday.
The competition in St. Pete went well and I will blog about it when I get to another wireless spot in Moscow. Right now I have to pack up and go!
The European adventure continues.
Below is a photo of me and my friend Beto jumping on the sidewalk at the Kremlin in Moscow two years ago while we were studying there.
I never thought I would return to the land of Stalin and borscht, but today I'm taking the train from St. Petersburg to spend a week in Moscow before heading to Budapest, Hungary on Friday.
The competition in St. Pete went well and I will blog about it when I get to another wireless spot in Moscow. Right now I have to pack up and go!
The European adventure continues.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Leaving on a jet plane
Just a short note to say that I'm packing up for my upcoming three week tour of Europe. My Mom thought I was leaving on Wednesday instead of Tuesday. And when I reminded her of that fact she said, "I'm not ready". I thought that was so cute-it makes me feel loved!
Unlike my Mom, I am ready to go out there and compete-get to work after my short break. I've done a lot of great work with Nat and my sports psychologist in the last week-it's amazing what you can accomplish in a short amount of time.
Which brings me to the next three weeks. I am hoping that I get some time in Moscow to relive some of the fun times that I had there. Irishka comes back to life!
First stop-St. Petersburg.
Unlike my Mom, I am ready to go out there and compete-get to work after my short break. I've done a lot of great work with Nat and my sports psychologist in the last week-it's amazing what you can accomplish in a short amount of time.
Which brings me to the next three weeks. I am hoping that I get some time in Moscow to relive some of the fun times that I had there. Irishka comes back to life!
First stop-St. Petersburg.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
A sneak peak
The above photo is the jpeg of the homepage that is in the works for my website. It's kind of trippy to even think that I'm going to have my very own website.
www.iriszimmermann.com is definitely in the works. There is an under construction page on the site for now until the rest of the pages are built. Unfortunately, I just realized that "coming soon" was written "comming soon" on the page in bold red print. Uh oh. Not exactly flawless but at least there is something up for the moment. The rest will be great and hopefully without typos since I have someone helping me with the text.
I will make sure to let everyone know when the website is functional. Patience is more than a virtue.
Friday, March 02, 2007
They can't stop the blog
Apparently some blog bot on blogger decided to shut down my publishing capabilities because they thought I was a "spam blog"-whatever that is. My thought is that because I have a lot of links on my page and in the text, the "blog bot" thought that I was spamming the internet. Lovely.
Anyways, I'm back! They can't keep a good blog down.
FYI-the www.iriszimmermann.com webpage is now under construction. I'm going to meet with the web master tomorrow to figure out how the layout is going to look. Very exciting. The hope is to have it up in a month but I'm also operating on what I like to call a "professional fencer budget" meaning, I'm paying the web dude nothing and asking for everything.
On the business end of things I'm getting prepared for another trip to Europe. I didn't compete in the Gdansk world cup this weekend so I could rest up/wash my clothes/catch up on sleep before heading off for a three week tour of Europe. First stop-St. Petersburg, train in Moscow, second stop-Budapest, train in Budapest, third stop-Marseille, and lastly a trip to Spain to visit a friend. The three stops are world cups that will count towards my world ranking.
During an interview the other day I sighed and said, "Oh my goodness, I have to get back on a plane and spend three weeks in Europe." Followed by a big UGHHHHHHH. At which point the reporter gave me the biggest annoyed/confused look and said, "I would give anything to leave this place and travel." Yeah, I guess I kind of sounded like a spoiled princess. But the reality is that I am not just whizzing around Europe with a backpack and a digital camera. The reality is that I am shlepping from one place to another putting on my best performance at high level competitions in order to make the Olympic team. You can't WHIZZ around with three bags of equipment (one bag for shoes) and an Olympic endeavor.
The plan for the next few days before I leave is to enjoy my time at home and rest up for the next adventure.
Anyways, I'm back! They can't keep a good blog down.
FYI-the www.iriszimmermann.com webpage is now under construction. I'm going to meet with the web master tomorrow to figure out how the layout is going to look. Very exciting. The hope is to have it up in a month but I'm also operating on what I like to call a "professional fencer budget" meaning, I'm paying the web dude nothing and asking for everything.
On the business end of things I'm getting prepared for another trip to Europe. I didn't compete in the Gdansk world cup this weekend so I could rest up/wash my clothes/catch up on sleep before heading off for a three week tour of Europe. First stop-St. Petersburg, train in Moscow, second stop-Budapest, train in Budapest, third stop-Marseille, and lastly a trip to Spain to visit a friend. The three stops are world cups that will count towards my world ranking.
During an interview the other day I sighed and said, "Oh my goodness, I have to get back on a plane and spend three weeks in Europe." Followed by a big UGHHHHHHH. At which point the reporter gave me the biggest annoyed/confused look and said, "I would give anything to leave this place and travel." Yeah, I guess I kind of sounded like a spoiled princess. But the reality is that I am not just whizzing around Europe with a backpack and a digital camera. The reality is that I am shlepping from one place to another putting on my best performance at high level competitions in order to make the Olympic team. You can't WHIZZ around with three bags of equipment (one bag for shoes) and an Olympic endeavor.
The plan for the next few days before I leave is to enjoy my time at home and rest up for the next adventure.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Dance to the beat of my own drum
Or paino that is....
So I've decided to go back to my roots and start playing the piano again. I played piano all throughout my youth and in my high school years as well. For the most part I can read music and I like to play music, but with all that I'm still not the best piano player in town. My concentration was always on fencing and not piano playing so I never developed into the next Chopin (I am playing one of his pieces).
During the lay over in Dulles airport last night, I called up my high school piano teacher. He and I have been in touch since I graduated. He was kind enough to agree to help me and chose some pieces for me that included a fair amount of tempo changes in both the left and right hands. You can ask this piano teacher for any piano piece and he will find it for you for sure. I'm grateful that he was so helpful.
So why piano? Good question. Haven't you ever heard of football players taking up ballet to become more agile? Well, I thought that playing again would be a good way to teach myself about tempo changes and separating tempos. In fencing I have trouble changing the tempos in my feet and separating the tempos between my arm and legs. Sometimes your arm has to go at a different speed than your feet, which is sometimes a difficult task for me. I thought that perhaps by playing piano I can teach myself to think in different timing.
The other reason to start playing piano is that the act of playing an instrument can calm the mind and keep one mentally sharp. I think that the season is going to be a long grueling marathon and piano playing can be a true escape when I'm at home.
Tomorrow evening I am going to start playing and we will see how it goes. The piano at my house is a little out of tune but it will do. I wonder if I can still read the notes?
Sunday, February 25, 2007
As Weird Al Yankovic once said, "Sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don't".
I can't really say that this tournament in Leipzig went well. Actually, the honest truth is that I fenced rather badly. It's not that I didn't try or that I don't have the skill, but for this once I am going to blame it on not feeling one hundred percent.
After this competition Nat and I decided to retool my fencing schedule so I am spending more time at home in my routine rather than training in Europe. Although fencing in Tauber was useful, I was still too exhausted to perform at my best here in Leipzig. I never felt comfortable and I didn't rest enough before the start of this weekend.
The good news is that I have several more world cups to attend this year. The bad news is that I didn't get any points at this particular competition. However, I will revert back to my initial mission statement for this journey.
"This goal and period of my life isn't about counting points or even about making the Olympic team. The value of this endeavor lies in the process of self-discovery, and I plan to enjoy each moment of this process-the good, the bad, and the ugly. I will learn from each situation and above all else I will have fun with the process of making the team. There is no reason for this adventure to be in any way tedious and if it is, then I know it's time to stop."
There is more to the mission statement in my head but that's all I have for this particular situation.
I think it will be hard for me to place a value on these last two tournaments other than I learned a lot and there is still a lot of work to be done.
First step, get on the plane tomorrow morning to go home.
After this competition Nat and I decided to retool my fencing schedule so I am spending more time at home in my routine rather than training in Europe. Although fencing in Tauber was useful, I was still too exhausted to perform at my best here in Leipzig. I never felt comfortable and I didn't rest enough before the start of this weekend.
The good news is that I have several more world cups to attend this year. The bad news is that I didn't get any points at this particular competition. However, I will revert back to my initial mission statement for this journey.
"This goal and period of my life isn't about counting points or even about making the Olympic team. The value of this endeavor lies in the process of self-discovery, and I plan to enjoy each moment of this process-the good, the bad, and the ugly. I will learn from each situation and above all else I will have fun with the process of making the team. There is no reason for this adventure to be in any way tedious and if it is, then I know it's time to stop."
There is more to the mission statement in my head but that's all I have for this particular situation.
I think it will be hard for me to place a value on these last two tournaments other than I learned a lot and there is still a lot of work to be done.
First step, get on the plane tomorrow morning to go home.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Leipzig, Germany
My hotel is in the picture above. The Westin is the taller square building to the right of the photo.
Part two of the European adventure includes a world cup in Leipzig, Germany. The Germans drove Hanna, Emily, and me to the Westin (pronounced Vestin) Leipzig before heading off to their hotel down the street.
It was a short ride into East Germany and to a bigger and more active city. My teammate Emily, who is also half-asian, commented how much more comfortable she felt here because the community was more diverse. The only asians in Tauber were the two that ran the one Chinese restaurant. The more interesting part is you don't know you are uncomfortable until you are surrounded by a more diverse crowd.
Nat has joined this leg of the trip, which is awesome! :) It's nice to have your coach there to watch and help out. Any extra advantage goes a long way. I am so glad she is here.
The competition is on Saturday and Sunday. The journey continues with world cup number two.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Soccer may be in the water but fencing brings me joy
I have a lot of thoughts to blog about today since I have had a lot of time to think.
Let's start at the beginning.
8am breakfast of rolls, jam, ham, cheese, eggs, and coffee.
9am soccer with the Germans
I think that it would be a lie to say that Em and I were able to keep up with them. But they were extremely gracious and made the space smaller and made sure to pass the ball to us. The problem was my teammates kept screaming, "Come on Iris, kick it!" and that would sort of scare me and I would kick at the air. Although, I did have one or two assists when I did manage to get my foot near the ball. And for the record, my team scored more goals, despite me being a member of the team.
Honestly, I think that Europeans just have soccer in the blood. I saw a three year old kid today at the gym, kicking around a soccer ball with his father. That's the difference between life in Germany and life in the U.S.
10-12pm Em and I fenced with a few girls on the team. It was fun to just play around and try some new actions.
12pm Lunch with a Carnivale theme.
Carnivale is a holiday here in Germany where the younger generations dress up like we do for Halloween in the states, and go on a drinking binge for two days. For others, it's just a celebration where you eat herring and eggs. So for lunch there was fish, potato salad, and cake. My father would be in Heaven (for people who don't know, my Dad is from Berlin).
1-4pm we had a small break where I took a restless nap. Mostly because I'm just sore.
5-7:30pm practice with the Germans.
Oh man. I have a lot to say about that. First of all, I was tired. I am not usually tired but I also haven't fenced with such intensity since I broke my finger a few weeks back.
But the biggest comment I have about all this was that I seemed to be the only one out there enjoying myself. For the Germans, fencing is truly a job and this place is a factory.
I had a chance to speak with one of the German fencers after the practice, she is a good friend of mine actually. And she wanted to know about how things were in the states. The Germans can't understand our process and how we don't train full time and how we don't have anything paid for. They wanted to know how it would be possible for us to concentrate on training? My answer, we do what we can because we love the sport.
And that's just it. We love the sport and that's the only way we could ever get along with this whole task of making the Olympic team.
The flipside for us is that we may not go as far because the Europeans always have the upper hand with training and traveling. They are the cream of the crop, they have the traditions, they know how to fence the game, the know how to prepare, while the Americans are doing everything for the first time. Everything for us is trial and error.
On their flipside, this is a job. Each result means a lot more than it does to us. There are a lot of girls gunning for the team and they are being watched at each tournament and each practice. Not to say that we aren't watched but there isn't the same depth of talent. The Americans have more of a luxury that way.
The question is-what is better? To have everything provided, with a ton of expectations, and eventually losing the taste for the sport? Wouldn't you get tired of the monotony? Or would you rather struggle through the process, try and put things together yourself (like practices at Penn State), and find the joy in the sport? You may be a bit behind the eight ball sometimes but everything you get is earned through and through.
The truth is that I have to think the way I think. I have to feel like I am getting a lot of personal joy from this because it is frustrating to think I don't have everything I need at my disposal. It's just harder for us-the travel alone puts us behind the rest of the Europeans.
The bottomline is that I always have faith. I have faith in my process and I have faith that I can surpass the barriers anyways because I am stronger than that.
I am glad that I am the only one at the practice gym in Tauber that is laughing and having a good time. I think my joking around and enjoying myself sort of threw off some of the other fencers. Acknowledging nicely made touches was also something of a foreign concept for them but nevertheless that is who I am.
Ultimately though, I think that everything needs to be kept in perspective, even if this is your job. I am just glad that not every little thing rests on every touch and every match. I am thankful that when I fence, I laugh, I play, and compete with all of my heart.
Let's start at the beginning.
8am breakfast of rolls, jam, ham, cheese, eggs, and coffee.
9am soccer with the Germans
I think that it would be a lie to say that Em and I were able to keep up with them. But they were extremely gracious and made the space smaller and made sure to pass the ball to us. The problem was my teammates kept screaming, "Come on Iris, kick it!" and that would sort of scare me and I would kick at the air. Although, I did have one or two assists when I did manage to get my foot near the ball. And for the record, my team scored more goals, despite me being a member of the team.
Honestly, I think that Europeans just have soccer in the blood. I saw a three year old kid today at the gym, kicking around a soccer ball with his father. That's the difference between life in Germany and life in the U.S.
10-12pm Em and I fenced with a few girls on the team. It was fun to just play around and try some new actions.
12pm Lunch with a Carnivale theme.
Carnivale is a holiday here in Germany where the younger generations dress up like we do for Halloween in the states, and go on a drinking binge for two days. For others, it's just a celebration where you eat herring and eggs. So for lunch there was fish, potato salad, and cake. My father would be in Heaven (for people who don't know, my Dad is from Berlin).
1-4pm we had a small break where I took a restless nap. Mostly because I'm just sore.
5-7:30pm practice with the Germans.
Oh man. I have a lot to say about that. First of all, I was tired. I am not usually tired but I also haven't fenced with such intensity since I broke my finger a few weeks back.
But the biggest comment I have about all this was that I seemed to be the only one out there enjoying myself. For the Germans, fencing is truly a job and this place is a factory.
I had a chance to speak with one of the German fencers after the practice, she is a good friend of mine actually. And she wanted to know about how things were in the states. The Germans can't understand our process and how we don't train full time and how we don't have anything paid for. They wanted to know how it would be possible for us to concentrate on training? My answer, we do what we can because we love the sport.
And that's just it. We love the sport and that's the only way we could ever get along with this whole task of making the Olympic team.
The flipside for us is that we may not go as far because the Europeans always have the upper hand with training and traveling. They are the cream of the crop, they have the traditions, they know how to fence the game, the know how to prepare, while the Americans are doing everything for the first time. Everything for us is trial and error.
On their flipside, this is a job. Each result means a lot more than it does to us. There are a lot of girls gunning for the team and they are being watched at each tournament and each practice. Not to say that we aren't watched but there isn't the same depth of talent. The Americans have more of a luxury that way.
The question is-what is better? To have everything provided, with a ton of expectations, and eventually losing the taste for the sport? Wouldn't you get tired of the monotony? Or would you rather struggle through the process, try and put things together yourself (like practices at Penn State), and find the joy in the sport? You may be a bit behind the eight ball sometimes but everything you get is earned through and through.
The truth is that I have to think the way I think. I have to feel like I am getting a lot of personal joy from this because it is frustrating to think I don't have everything I need at my disposal. It's just harder for us-the travel alone puts us behind the rest of the Europeans.
The bottomline is that I always have faith. I have faith in my process and I have faith that I can surpass the barriers anyways because I am stronger than that.
I am glad that I am the only one at the practice gym in Tauber that is laughing and having a good time. I think my joking around and enjoying myself sort of threw off some of the other fencers. Acknowledging nicely made touches was also something of a foreign concept for them but nevertheless that is who I am.
Ultimately though, I think that everything needs to be kept in perspective, even if this is your job. I am just glad that not every little thing rests on every touch and every match. I am thankful that when I fence, I laugh, I play, and compete with all of my heart.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Tauberbischofsheim
Try saying that three times fast.
Tauber is like the mecca of German fencing. This place is a true Olympic training center. You couldn't ask for anything more-there is a lot of space to fence, a school here, a place for visitors to stay (we are staying in the training center), a cafeteria, an internet plug, physical therapy, and anything you could ask for. Except for a social life and a big city.
This place is truly a small town at it's finest. There is a supermarket, a chinese restaurant (?), post office, and a couple thousand residents. At least they have a T-mobile where I bought an emergency phone I can use during my travels through Europe and Asia. It's nice to feel as though I could text someone in case I wander off into the mountains and get lost.
For the rest of the week, Hanna, Emily, and I are training twice a day with the Germans. Should be fun-the Germans do not mess around. We are starting at 9am with some soccer (breakfast is being served at the training center promptly at 8am!). I think we will fence a couple of hours in the morning and a few hours at night followed by a dinner of bread, cheese, ham, and yogurt. No wonder these Euros are so fit! They don't eat but I guess I could handle losing some weight.
I am actually excited to have this type of training schedule since it reflects a lot of what I think the American team SHOULD be doing. In my opinion it's harder to get the US fencers to commit to a rigorous schedule since we aren't adequately compensated for the work we do. On the flip side, the Germans have a lot more pressure to perform whereas my motivation is much more philosophically driven. It would be nice to have more money to fence but at the same time I don't have constant pressure to make results.
Unfortunately I have a cold and had a slight fever all day today, so I may not be joining in on the soccer and making myself into joke fodder for the German team. I guess they could use a good laugh.
As for updates about Salzburg, I did really well for the first tournament. I took 26th overall and really felt like I was on the right track with my training. I am slowly moving back up the international rankings one step at a time. I truly feel a bit like Andre Agassi when he started his comeback.
It's nice to be back online and blogging!
Tauber is like the mecca of German fencing. This place is a true Olympic training center. You couldn't ask for anything more-there is a lot of space to fence, a school here, a place for visitors to stay (we are staying in the training center), a cafeteria, an internet plug, physical therapy, and anything you could ask for. Except for a social life and a big city.
This place is truly a small town at it's finest. There is a supermarket, a chinese restaurant (?), post office, and a couple thousand residents. At least they have a T-mobile where I bought an emergency phone I can use during my travels through Europe and Asia. It's nice to feel as though I could text someone in case I wander off into the mountains and get lost.
For the rest of the week, Hanna, Emily, and I are training twice a day with the Germans. Should be fun-the Germans do not mess around. We are starting at 9am with some soccer (breakfast is being served at the training center promptly at 8am!). I think we will fence a couple of hours in the morning and a few hours at night followed by a dinner of bread, cheese, ham, and yogurt. No wonder these Euros are so fit! They don't eat but I guess I could handle losing some weight.
I am actually excited to have this type of training schedule since it reflects a lot of what I think the American team SHOULD be doing. In my opinion it's harder to get the US fencers to commit to a rigorous schedule since we aren't adequately compensated for the work we do. On the flip side, the Germans have a lot more pressure to perform whereas my motivation is much more philosophically driven. It would be nice to have more money to fence but at the same time I don't have constant pressure to make results.
Unfortunately I have a cold and had a slight fever all day today, so I may not be joining in on the soccer and making myself into joke fodder for the German team. I guess they could use a good laugh.
As for updates about Salzburg, I did really well for the first tournament. I took 26th overall and really felt like I was on the right track with my training. I am slowly moving back up the international rankings one step at a time. I truly feel a bit like Andre Agassi when he started his comeback.
It's nice to be back online and blogging!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
The hills are alive with the sound of music....
YODELAYHEEHOOOOOOOOO!!! High on the hills was a lonely goat heard....
Just kidding!
Finally! I am in Salzburg, Austria. Whew! That was one long trip from Rochester, NY. After all that I still didn't get my fencing bag, but I have one more day before the tournament to get it.
I had a lot of time on the plane ride (and in the waiting areas) over here to think and read my Oprah Magazine. I am not sure if any of you have ever read this magazine but I love the articles because they are much more positive than the fashion magazines (which just end up making me feel fat and feeling like I should call a plastic surgeon pronto).
On the way over I read an article written by Mira Nair and about her journey to find herself. Before Mira was the director of the hit Bollywood film, Monsoon Wedding, she was just another woman trying to find her niche. She struggled to know what direction she should take in her life and the only thing she knew was that she wanted to create art that would influence the world.
Mira ended up making a good film about the groups of people in India who get together to laugh. All they do is stand around and laugh as an exercise for their health. Needless to say, that film wasn't a smash hit but it did lead her to make Monsoon Wedding. Monsoon wedding is an interesting look into the elaborate ceremonies of a traditional Indian wedding. It's kind of like My Big Fat Greek Wedding-the Bollywood version. By doing her documentary she came up with the ideas for the film-basically instead of getting discouraged, she let one thing lead to another.
She ended the article with a powerful thought that I wanted to share.
"Only at it's fullest will an endeavor reveal where it may lead you, and if you're always thinking, I have to do this because I want to use it to do that, you simply won't be right for the plucking."
To me this means that you must learn what you can from each moment. In order to get to where you want to go you have to commit to the process because it is the struggle of the process that makes the end goal possible.
To read more about Mira Nair click here.
Before the battery runs out
I made it to Frankfurt and I am waiting the few hours before my flight to Salzburg.
T-mobile wireless internet is the best! :)
T-mobile wireless internet is the best! :)
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Snow glorious snow
Forecast in Rochester for the day:
Snow, heavy at times reducing visibilities to near zero in squalls. Snow will continue into the afternoon, with the heaviest of the storm snowfall totals east and southeast of Rochester. Grand totals will range between 15 and 25 inches.
I am at the airport in Rochester right now trying to will the snow to stop just enough so my plane to Dulles can take off in about an hour.
This really is an adventure every step of the way.
Pack up and go!
Happy Valentine's Day!
In the pic are all my things that I will be shlepping around Europe for the next two weeks. Don't you just love the blue carry on bag with flowers? I got it so it could fit all my carry on things and my laptop. I don't know if you could see it but it's not only a sweet design but it's made out of cork and kimono fabric. It's pretty neat! You can check out this artist's bags by clicking here.
Anyways, I am a bit off topic from my leaving for Austria tomorrow. (Sometimes exciting new bags can do that to you!)
The world cup season officially begins this weekend. The Olympic qualification doesn't start until April 2007, but these first few world cups will help to increase my world cup rankings going into the more important tournaments.
I think that I would be lying if I didn't tell you that part of me is anxious to take this step. I am starting a season that I never thought I would be a part of. If you told me a year ago this time that I would be living in Rochester and training for Beijing, I would have thought that you were crazy. I can't believe that I am about to leave for Austria tomorrow!
Because we are multi-dimensional creatures, of course I feel more emotion than just anxiety. The other part of me-the competitive athlete, feels ready. Really ready. Nat and I have spent a lot of time talking through what these first few tournaments mean and what I should take away from the experience. Above all else, we both decided that these first tournaments would mean experience. Since there are so many world cups, it doesn't make sense to go into each one expecting to win. Small steps are taken and many lessons will be learned at each tournament. Besides, this goal of making the Beijing 2008 team is a marathon and not a 100m race.
During our workout this morning I decided to ask my trainer what he would do mentally to approach this situation? I asked him how he would approach a tournament, trying his best, setting practical goals and knowing that success doesn't mean winning everything? Dave said he doesn't operate that way, and that he would enter the competition with a killer mindset, "everyone is going down."
I'm definitely not like that. I guess after twenty years of fencing I have finally realized that it isn't all about winning. Tomorrow I am getting on the plane to Austria with concrete things I need to focus on but also knowing that I am not at the level that I will eventually be at for the Games. I don't need to be just yet.
This may be confusing for some people who haven't experienced sport at this level, but how about putting it this way-even Tiger Woods doesn't win all the time. You have to choose your battles-especially if you have lots of them in a row.
All the emotional stuff aside, I still may not make it out of here tomorrow morning. My flight is scheduled to take off at 10:30am but nothing is for sure in this blizzard we are currently having. The east coast and midwest are being slammed with snow which is causing delays and airport closings. Let's hear it for traveling to Europe in the middle of winter!
And last but not least...
Before I take off to start my adventure, I want to leave you with some words from a friend which may help to explain my mindset going into the first few world cups:
"...go off and have a grand adventure! It's one step at a time, one airport at a time, and lots of "invisible emotional support" to take with you on this trip. This is your time. When you step onto that "fencing stage", let that be your mantra - the affirmation you replay in your head and you feel in your heart. Travel safe and go play in the world."
Thank you to my circle of friends and family that always support me. The journey begins!
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Inspirational video
My sports psychologist sent me this link:
http://www.walkthetalk.com/the212movie.php?refsource=tyorders
Let me know what you think.
http://www.walkthetalk.com/the212movie.php?refsource=tyorders
Let me know what you think.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Being positive-who knew?/fencing camp is fun/a lesson from an elephant
SERENITY NOW
They should bottle up positive attitudes so you can drink it up when you really need it. When I woke up this morning I was still positive, and still waiting for the other shoe to drop. The day progressed and still no fall out from the previous day. Then practice came around, still nothing. I even got suited up for some fencing and things went well-actually, they went better than I ever thought. I went in expecting nothing and I ended up practicing for almost two hours.
Apparently positive energy works. Who knew?
I spent a long time getting angry when things didn't go my way and things progressed much more slowly. Imagine how much more productive we could be if we had greater perspective on all things.
FENCING CAMP IS FUN
The women's foil team is coming to the Roc for a camp this weekend. We are getting ready for the international season, which starts next week with our first world cup in Austria.
I am looking forward to seeing the girls again!
A LESSON FROM AN ELEPHANT
You can learn a lot from elephants. I heard the following story at church this past Sunday, and I thought I would pass it along. It sort of goes with my "Risks" post.
There was an young elephant that was tied to a post. One day he decides that he wants to break free from the post. He tries and tries only to find that he is still tied to the post. One day he just gives up and decides that he should just accept his lot in life. This is his life, tied to a post. Little does he know that the post is just about to break and set him free.
The line between success and failure is very thin. Will you continue push for what you want even if it doesn't come easy?
Monday, February 05, 2007
Big girls don't cry
Remember when we were little kids we could throw tantrums to express our frustration? Wahhhh..wahhh...Mommy, I want this or I want that! Or in my case, wahhh, things aren't going the way I want them too!
When we get older we aren't allowed to have these types of tantrums however, what becomes of that emotion? How do we express ourselves when we actually "mature"? Yoga, organic food, supplements, smoking cigarettes, getting into bad relationships perhaps?
I ask these questions because today was one of those days where I could have used a "feel free to throw a hissy fit and cry because it doesn't matter how old you are" card. But the interesting part is that I didn't, and I am not sure what to think. If I am not getting angry in this moment then where does that frustration go? Have I swallowed it into a well where it will overflow once something else adds to my frustration? Or have I actually learned how to deal with my emotions?
Today was the day that I started fencing again after the famous pinky incident. I took the splint off, put the fencing glove on, tapped the two end fingers together, and gave it a try. The first few minutes were okay because we were doing very simple stuff in my one-on-one lesson, but when things got a bit more complicated, the finger started to hurt.
I could start to feel the emotions rising inside of me. I wonder if any of you have ever felt frustration like this? It begins deep in my stomach and slowly rises up into my chest, then it sends a signal to my brain that it's time to react or cry.
The voice (or the "irrational Iris" as I like to call her) started in with her two cents, "You aren't going to be ready. You are leaving for your first world cup of the season next week Wednesday, and you aren't ready. Why is it when things start to get good, you get injured? What were you thinking-you're so dissapointing? Is this always going to hurt like this? Is this yet another thing you have to worry about? Why me, oh God, why me?" Irrational Iris has the most amazing stream of conciousness because it just never stops and spirals into a million other thoughts. She's very verbose.
Her voice got louder at the same moment when the handle of my weapon started to really press against the inside of my hand right at the injury. At which point, I knew that I would either crack or just explode right there on the spot. Believe me, I was going to have a full blown meltdown. BUT, I didn't.
I am still not sure why. I am guessing that after all this time working with a sports psychologist, the positive mental attitude permeated my entire thought process. Apparently it helps to calm me down in situations where I am in physical pain as well. The work I have been doing allowed me to listen to the "rational Iris" as she countered with, "let's look at the big picture here. Is this really going to affect your chance at Beijing? It's just a pinky and you will do whatever it takes to get past this. What happens now doesn't determine what your year and a half will be like. You can get through this because you are tougher than that."
You must think I'm insane. Well partly, because to dedicate one's life to poking people with a sword is a bit insane.
However, I do think that we have two sides to ourselves, one with perspective and the other that always insists on bringing up the negative. I have just decided to name them rational and irrational Iris. You can laugh later but apparently it's helping me get through my roadblocks.
Or maybe not. I am still not sure why I didn't react as strongly to this situation. I am not sure how I was able to maintain composure and perspective. I worry a bit that this is sort of the "serenity now" scenario from Seinfeld. It's the bit where Kramer decides that serenity now is a phrase that he can use to calm himself down but it just ends up making him more crazy because he isn't dealing with what is really annoying him.
Either way I still have to wake up tomorrow and face another day at practice. My hope is that the pain becomes gradually less over the next week so that I feel more prepared for my trip to Austria and Germany.
On another note: I forgot to mention a while back that Serena "the great" Williams is back. She just won the Australian Open the other week. Now that is a comeback story.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Risks-what's the point?
A lot of people told me I was taking a big risk in my life in order to train for yet another Olympic games. I was definitely one of those people that felt that I was taking a giant leap (although slightly more calculated than my parents thought) when I moved from California and my post-college life as "Iris the career woman".
The career woman life doesn't just include steps in the direction of money and career but it is also a path in my personal life. I don't often talk about this portion of my training but it is very real. An Olympian's life is not conducive to the popular mid-twenties personal life. With a crazy training and traveling schedule you can forget about dating, going out, and meeting new people on a regular basis.
My goal is very intense and very personal, so it means that I am the main focus of my life at the moment, which is not so great for forming good friendships or relationships in general. Perhaps I take the goal a little too seriously but I am pretty sure that it is hard for most athletes to keep a strong social calendar.
So the question is, with all the sacrifice, what's the point? What if you go to the Olympics and take dead last? What if you don't make the team? What if you win? What if? What if? Why does any of this matter?
I put some thought into that because it is dangerous to go on auto-pilot and assume that while you are in pursuit of a goal, you truly understand the point of the whole thing. You have to ask yourself, do you have perspective? Because if you don't and things don't go the way you suspect, you have to have the presence of mind to understand that there was a purpose and that you did try your best.
So, back to the answer of the question-why take the risk to train again for the Olympics if you aren't gauranteed a spot? Why come back when things are so hard, you have to earn money to travel, you live with your parents, you are continuing to make the same sacrifices? Why, Iris, why? (I am sure these are questions that you have wanted to ask me.)
The answer is best summed up in the story of my teammate and the exerpt of a letter our coach wrote to him after an unsuccessful tournament.
This season started like any other for Z (I am not going to use his whole name here) with national competitions and training. However, he quickly discovered after the first few tournaments that he could possibly make a junior world championship team. This was no small feat for Z since he never showed that much promise in fencing-when he was younger he was a little slow, awkward, and never seem to get things as quickly as his peers. Nevertheless, he plugged along and continued on in the sport.
This year after a the first few national tournaments, Z decided that he would make a run for the team and compete internationally. In this sport if you don't go overseas then you can't make the team (just look at my schedule on the right hand side of the blog). His parents, a middle class family with two other children, had to take on side jobs in order to get him to these fencing tournaments. Not to mention putting all the trips onto credit cards first. Z definitely understands how much people around him, including himself, have put into his goal which heightens his anxiety and nervousness.
Unfortunately, the last few tournaments were not as stellar and pushed him down the ranking list. Right now he is looking at an alternate position but he continues to pursue his dream with passion and heart.
What is the point for Zach and his parents? Doesn't this seem extreme for him? His parents taking the risk and putting expensive trips on credit cards just so he can wear a sweatsuit that says USA Fencing on the back? Can't he just save the money and buy his own?
I think you will be able to find the answer for yourself in the following passage from a letter that our coach wrote to Z after his last oversease competition.
Pay attention because she is much more articulate than I am.
Why do Z and I pursue these goals? The answer is much less concrete than if I do x and then I will get y, but it is much more existential in nature.
We risk because these goals are greater than ourselves and teach us about who we are and what we are capable of. I think it's boring to pursue life without risk-sit behind a desk just because we are told to. Sometimes making a personal leap will make you happier beyond your wildest dreams. Because without great struggle there cannot be the opposite, great success.
I wish you courage and strength to pursue the things that you truly care about. I know that everyone's life isn't just so, so that they can choose what they want to do. But I believe if you truly feel strongly about something, you have to do yourself the justice of at least trying.
The career woman life doesn't just include steps in the direction of money and career but it is also a path in my personal life. I don't often talk about this portion of my training but it is very real. An Olympian's life is not conducive to the popular mid-twenties personal life. With a crazy training and traveling schedule you can forget about dating, going out, and meeting new people on a regular basis.
My goal is very intense and very personal, so it means that I am the main focus of my life at the moment, which is not so great for forming good friendships or relationships in general. Perhaps I take the goal a little too seriously but I am pretty sure that it is hard for most athletes to keep a strong social calendar.
So the question is, with all the sacrifice, what's the point? What if you go to the Olympics and take dead last? What if you don't make the team? What if you win? What if? What if? Why does any of this matter?
I put some thought into that because it is dangerous to go on auto-pilot and assume that while you are in pursuit of a goal, you truly understand the point of the whole thing. You have to ask yourself, do you have perspective? Because if you don't and things don't go the way you suspect, you have to have the presence of mind to understand that there was a purpose and that you did try your best.
So, back to the answer of the question-why take the risk to train again for the Olympics if you aren't gauranteed a spot? Why come back when things are so hard, you have to earn money to travel, you live with your parents, you are continuing to make the same sacrifices? Why, Iris, why? (I am sure these are questions that you have wanted to ask me.)
The answer is best summed up in the story of my teammate and the exerpt of a letter our coach wrote to him after an unsuccessful tournament.
The Story of Z
This season started like any other for Z (I am not going to use his whole name here) with national competitions and training. However, he quickly discovered after the first few tournaments that he could possibly make a junior world championship team. This was no small feat for Z since he never showed that much promise in fencing-when he was younger he was a little slow, awkward, and never seem to get things as quickly as his peers. Nevertheless, he plugged along and continued on in the sport.
This year after a the first few national tournaments, Z decided that he would make a run for the team and compete internationally. In this sport if you don't go overseas then you can't make the team (just look at my schedule on the right hand side of the blog). His parents, a middle class family with two other children, had to take on side jobs in order to get him to these fencing tournaments. Not to mention putting all the trips onto credit cards first. Z definitely understands how much people around him, including himself, have put into his goal which heightens his anxiety and nervousness.
Unfortunately, the last few tournaments were not as stellar and pushed him down the ranking list. Right now he is looking at an alternate position but he continues to pursue his dream with passion and heart.
What is the point for Zach and his parents? Doesn't this seem extreme for him? His parents taking the risk and putting expensive trips on credit cards just so he can wear a sweatsuit that says USA Fencing on the back? Can't he just save the money and buy his own?
I think you will be able to find the answer for yourself in the following passage from a letter that our coach wrote to Z after his last oversease competition.
Pay attention because she is much more articulate than I am.
I think it's essential, in the pursuit of the good life, to have lofty goals which are difficult to reach. Sometimes we do reach them, which is wonderful and often euphoric. But we don't always get there, so what is the value of reaching so high? It is the process.
.....you are pursuing a sport in which you put yourself on a strip alone, very publicly, have to think quickly, demonstrate the highest of physical skills, and maintain your composure. You have to call on all the physiological capabilities you have even when you are so tired you want to throw up or collapse on the floor, remember everything you trained to execute, and remember all the strategies we discussed without the benefit of your personal coach. As long as you never give up, even if you don't accomplish what you hoped for in a particular bout you are successful.
Why do Z and I pursue these goals? The answer is much less concrete than if I do x and then I will get y, but it is much more existential in nature.
We risk because these goals are greater than ourselves and teach us about who we are and what we are capable of. I think it's boring to pursue life without risk-sit behind a desk just because we are told to. Sometimes making a personal leap will make you happier beyond your wildest dreams. Because without great struggle there cannot be the opposite, great success.
I wish you courage and strength to pursue the things that you truly care about. I know that everyone's life isn't just so, so that they can choose what they want to do. But I believe if you truly feel strongly about something, you have to do yourself the justice of at least trying.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Cast off!
I got the cast off this morning but it was quickly replaced by a splint. I have attached photos of the splint that I have to wear for the next two weeks.
According to the doc I can start holding a weapon on Monday but I have to make some modifications to my weapon and tape my fingers together when I fence. I think the doc said something about the next two to three months. It takes much longer for the ligaments to heal than the bone-which in my opinion makes no sense.
The photos aren't that great but I hope you get the picture (no pun intended).
According to the doc I can start holding a weapon on Monday but I have to make some modifications to my weapon and tape my fingers together when I fence. I think the doc said something about the next two to three months. It takes much longer for the ligaments to heal than the bone-which in my opinion makes no sense.
The photos aren't that great but I hope you get the picture (no pun intended).
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