Relax?

Today I went to the doctor for my annual physical. I believe I passed with flying colors. She asked me several questions about my health, do I smoke, do I drink, etc. Of course I said no and then she came to the question, do you do physical exercise on a regular basis? She then paused, looked at me, and we both laughed out loud. I guess that's a yes, she said.

And that wasn't even the funniest part of the whole exam (you can find laughter in anything, especially when you're wearing a hospital gown). The doc sat me at the end of the table and then proceeded to do the reflex test. You know the test, the one where they take a triangular rubber thing attached to the end of a stick and they hit various places to produce a reflex. I haven't failed at many things in my life but this is one instance where I never produce a reflex.

I don't think she has ever done this test on me so she was puzzled when she didn't get a reaction. She tried the other knee, then my elbow, then my wrist, and then furrowed her brow.

The doc: Relax, Iris.

Me: I am relaxed (I'm sort of nervous and shouting-yeah right I'm relaxed).

The doc: Um, well, we should talk.

Me: (Nervously-of course I am nervous, I am in a hospital gown) About what?

Doc: So, what do you do for fun?

Me: I don't know. (Should I have a good answer for this?)

Doc: You don't know? Do you do something other than fencing that is just something you do for you know, F-U-N?

Me: Fencing is the fun?

Doc: You know what relaxation is? Don't you?

Me: Sure I know what it is. I started playing piano a few months ago, but I was starting to get frustrated that I couldn't practice more often to play the songs more fluidly. It was stressful. Oh yeah, and when I was living in California I used to do bollywood dancing for fun. Yeah, they fitted me for an outfit the first day and when I couldn't get the steps after a few weeks, I quit. It was stressful.


Now that the conversation is written out I understand why my doctor responded with pure and deep laughter. I mean, the laughter just came from her toes to her stomach and out her mouth as a loud raucous laugh. This laughter wasn't really about picturing me doing bollywood dancing, but this laughter was about my inability to feel relaxed.

This got me thinking. The reality is that I wake up each day with the Olympics on my mind and questions for myself-am I doing enough? Will I win the next competition? If I do more of x will this help me become the best fencer? Did I get enough sleep? Should I eat more, should I eat less? You should hear these crazy conversations and questions I ask myself each day all for the sake of being the best I can be as a fencer.

At some point I accepted these questions because this is my life and didn't see it as stress but just part of an everyday routine. However, sometimes without realizing, the questioning and the drive to excel can become overwhelming. I really think there is something to be said about rejuvenating the mind, body, and soul through doing things just for the sake of doing things.

This isn't to say that I am stressed out, but I think it's important to acknowledge that rest can sometimes do more good than getting back on that treadmill for an hour. Sometimes the mind just needs a day off. Which I ended up doing today thanks to the doctor. I called up some friends and just hung out, talked about nothing in particular, and enjoyed a nice tall glass of milk and chocolate cake (it's on the diet...not really...but it was so good and felt relaxing).

In the long term relaxation plan I'm thinking about taking up pottery, painting, or some form of artwork when the season is over because I know that I am hands down the worst artist out there. Maybe knowing that I will never be good at it may be an effective way to find something that I won't try and overachieve at. If you ever met an Olympian, you will know that they never want to lose at anything so finding something to just do for the sake of doing is a little difficult.

So, that being said about me, what have you done to relax today? This week? This month? (Don't make me ask this year.) If nothing else you can try my doctor's prescription, just take a deep breath. Take as needed.