Risks-what's the point?

A lot of people told me I was taking a big risk in my life in order to train for yet another Olympic games. I was definitely one of those people that felt that I was taking a giant leap (although slightly more calculated than my parents thought) when I moved from California and my post-college life as "Iris the career woman".

The career woman life doesn't just include steps in the direction of money and career but it is also a path in my personal life. I don't often talk about this portion of my training but it is very real. An Olympian's life is not conducive to the popular mid-twenties personal life. With a crazy training and traveling schedule you can forget about dating, going out, and meeting new people on a regular basis.

My goal is very intense and very personal, so it means that I am the main focus of my life at the moment, which is not so great for forming good friendships or relationships in general. Perhaps I take the goal a little too seriously but I am pretty sure that it is hard for most athletes to keep a strong social calendar.

So the question is, with all the sacrifice, what's the point? What if you go to the Olympics and take dead last? What if you don't make the team? What if you win? What if? What if? Why does any of this matter?

I put some thought into that because it is dangerous to go on auto-pilot and assume that while you are in pursuit of a goal, you truly understand the point of the whole thing. You have to ask yourself, do you have perspective? Because if you don't and things don't go the way you suspect, you have to have the presence of mind to understand that there was a purpose and that you did try your best.

So, back to the answer of the question-why take the risk to train again for the Olympics if you aren't gauranteed a spot? Why come back when things are so hard, you have to earn money to travel, you live with your parents, you are continuing to make the same sacrifices? Why, Iris, why? (I am sure these are questions that you have wanted to ask me.)

The answer is best summed up in the story of my teammate and the exerpt of a letter our coach wrote to him after an unsuccessful tournament.

The Story of Z

This season started like any other for Z (I am not going to use his whole name here) with national competitions and training. However, he quickly discovered after the first few tournaments that he could possibly make a junior world championship team. This was no small feat for Z since he never showed that much promise in fencing-when he was younger he was a little slow, awkward, and never seem to get things as quickly as his peers. Nevertheless, he plugged along and continued on in the sport.

This year after a the first few national tournaments, Z decided that he would make a run for the team and compete internationally. In this sport if you don't go overseas then you can't make the team (just look at my schedule on the right hand side of the blog). His parents, a middle class family with two other children, had to take on side jobs in order to get him to these fencing tournaments. Not to mention putting all the trips onto credit cards first. Z definitely understands how much people around him, including himself, have put into his goal which heightens his anxiety and nervousness.

Unfortunately, the last few tournaments were not as stellar and pushed him down the ranking list. Right now he is looking at an alternate position but he continues to pursue his dream with passion and heart.

What is the point for Zach and his parents? Doesn't this seem extreme for him? His parents taking the risk and putting expensive trips on credit cards just so he can wear a sweatsuit that says USA Fencing on the back? Can't he just save the money and buy his own?

I think you will be able to find the answer for yourself in the following passage from a letter that our coach wrote to Z after his last oversease competition.

Pay attention because she is much more articulate than I am.

I think it's essential, in the pursuit of the good life, to have lofty goals which are difficult to reach. Sometimes we do reach them, which is wonderful and often euphoric. But we don't always get there, so what is the value of reaching so high? It is the process.

.....you are pursuing a sport in which you put yourself on a strip alone, very publicly, have to think quickly, demonstrate the highest of physical skills, and maintain your composure. You have to call on all the physiological capabilities you have even when you are so tired you want to throw up or collapse on the floor, remember everything you trained to execute, and remember all the strategies we discussed without the benefit of your personal coach. As long as you never give up, even if you don't accomplish what you hoped for in a particular bout you are successful.

Why do Z and I pursue these goals? The answer is much less concrete than if I do x and then I will get y, but it is much more existential in nature.

We risk because these goals are greater than ourselves and teach us about who we are and what we are capable of. I think it's boring to pursue life without risk-sit behind a desk just because we are told to. Sometimes making a personal leap will make you happier beyond your wildest dreams. Because without great struggle there cannot be the opposite, great success.

I wish you courage and strength to pursue the things that you truly care about. I know that everyone's life isn't just so, so that they can choose what they want to do. But I believe if you truly feel strongly about something, you have to do yourself the justice of at least trying.