We all have something

My former teammate and Olympian, Suzie Paxton and I had a long conversation the other night. We talked about how things are going for me and my pursuit of Beijing. I told her the truth, things were a little rocky from time to time. It's sometimes hard for me to see the result at the end of the road when I work and struggle through each day and each tournament.

I told her some of my perceived weaknesses and she admitted to some of her own while she was training for the 1996 games. Then we got on the subject of athletes we admired and she mentioned someone that had a physical disability but was still playing high level sports with a prosthetic leg. He has actually done more incredible things after the accident than before-almost as if having a prosthetic leg gives him a reason to be the best.

People who encounter these types of obstacles in their lives either go one of two ways. One, the route of feeling sorry for themselves. Or two, making each day count because they are very aware of how life can throw some crazy curve balls. Suzie then said something to me that resonated, "everyone has a disability but some are not as visible as a prosthetic leg".

That got me thinking about my unseen disabilities. Perhaps my greatest disability is ego. Things used to be so much easier for me and I could win almost any tournament I entered but now the end result isn't as certain. After Richmond, there was a part of me that went down the road of self-pity. I will admit that it took a good week for me to get out of a depressed funk. Maybe it's okay to have a moment (or a week in my case) to admit defeat and nurse the wound?

On Monday of this week, my sports psychologist asked me if I wanted to quit. For a moment, I considered it very seriously. I could walk away, but if I walk away from this I will have given in to all the fear and doubt. Who's to say that I won't be faced with a hard situation again? This is life after all, a series of challenges. When the going gets tough does Iris get going?

If anything, I would want to know that I am the type of person that would not choose the easy way out. After all, I didn't sign up to train for a regional tournament, I signed up for the Olympics. Here is where acceptance comes in and gives way to persistence. Just like the man with a prosthetic leg, I can allow my ego to disable me or I can use it to help me achieve extraordinary things.