I added a new person to my "entourage" today. It's a yoga teacher than has some fame here in Rochester for being a teacher of Iyengar yoga. His name is Francois Raoult and his yoga studio is called Open Sky Yoga which is situated behind the very beautiful Rochester Zen Center.
He was very knowledgable and had some great things to say but they were a lot of the same things that the other parts of my "entourage" were saying about me and fencing. The sport of fencing makes the body very asymmetrical and causes imbalances which can lead to injuries, such as the various knee injuries I have had. There is no surprise there. He also talked about how tight my hips are-there is definitely no surprise there. I have been spending an hour each day (per my physical therapists instructions) to stretch. I also have to stretch after practice which is even harder because all I want to do after practice is go home, eat, and sleep.
So, what is my point here? Well, I had a bit of a revelation while I was sitting there listening to Francois. It wasn't that his information was bad or not useful, but I thought-at some point I have to make the decision of what is best for me. I have so many people telling me to do this and that to make my fencing better but at what point do I chime in with my own voice?
Considering my past-it was quite novel for me to ask that question. What do I feel is necessary for me?
I've also never really and truly been a mature athlete. It's one thing to be young and under someone's wing but it is another thing to be doing something long enough that you have to finally go-"you know what? I would rather do this instead of that". You also have to be wise enough to take the information you need and integrate it into what you already have. This task isn't that easy.
Here is where I think sport mirrors life. Isn't this all just a part of growing up? In a "normal"/general situation the parent makes the decision for the kids. Then the kids start to grow up and form opinions of their own and it's about this time the parents start to get major gray hairs. Then the kid goes off to college and starts to establish themselves and I wouldn't say that the kid really comes into their own until after college is over. At that time the adult has to decide what to take from their past, what to make new, and what their real identity is and where it lies.
Anyways, enough philosophy for now. It's time for me to sleep since I've already done the other two of return home and eat. Much needs to be done tomorrow including lots and lots of stretching.
One more thing. I am headed to Penn State on Thursday with my teammate Hanna to spend the weekend fencing with the students and alum there.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Any Given Sunday
Definitely interesting day.
Let's start off with the gym this morning. I made a point to introduce myself to Ursula Burns, the president of Xerox and can be scene on the cover of this month's Fortune magazine. I told her how inspiring it is to meet a woman with that type of a position at a company. She's definitely a tough woman-I've seen her work out at the gym. She and I spoke about the Olympics and she mentioned that Xerox sends the execs there to watch the games. She also told me to keep in touch with her-I'm looking forward to it since I also mentioned I was interested in going to business school after all is said and done with the Games.
Then I met with Hanna, my teammate, to have lunch and go over our last few weeks apart. It's nice to have her back because it will really step up the training at the club.
The most interesting part about lunch was that not only did the waitress recognize me, "Aren't you Iris Zimmermann?" but there was another couple as we walked out that also recognized me. They said they were so happy to meet me and Hanna because they love the Olympics. In fact, their first date was watching the 2004 Olympic Games. Even I haven't had a date like that. But to honor their relationship I gave them two Olympics pins that I conveniently had in my car. I wonder if they think all Olympians carry around extra pins for just those occasions?
Then an old friend of mine, I have known him for about ten years, bumped into me after lunch. He and I had a long conversation about our separate meditation and yoga practices and at the end of the conversation I asked if the cafe he worked at still had job openings. I could work a few nights a week, get to know some people in town, make a little money, and have a bit of a break from training. I think that over thinking and over analyzing can contribute to over training and lack of desire and passion. My schedule from now until February is a little crazy but does allow some time to work. Besides, I think it would be a good break to go to a coffee shop on the weekends after my gym routines. This time I would be making money instead of draining money into lattes.
So, that is my day. Meeting the President of Xerox, finding a couple who loves the Olympics, and filling out an application to work at a cafe near the fencing club. The cafe has free wireless-perhaps more blogs are on the way?
I hope all of you enjoyed the weekend as much as I did. Have a great Monday!
Let's start off with the gym this morning. I made a point to introduce myself to Ursula Burns, the president of Xerox and can be scene on the cover of this month's Fortune magazine. I told her how inspiring it is to meet a woman with that type of a position at a company. She's definitely a tough woman-I've seen her work out at the gym. She and I spoke about the Olympics and she mentioned that Xerox sends the execs there to watch the games. She also told me to keep in touch with her-I'm looking forward to it since I also mentioned I was interested in going to business school after all is said and done with the Games.
Then I met with Hanna, my teammate, to have lunch and go over our last few weeks apart. It's nice to have her back because it will really step up the training at the club.
The most interesting part about lunch was that not only did the waitress recognize me, "Aren't you Iris Zimmermann?" but there was another couple as we walked out that also recognized me. They said they were so happy to meet me and Hanna because they love the Olympics. In fact, their first date was watching the 2004 Olympic Games. Even I haven't had a date like that. But to honor their relationship I gave them two Olympics pins that I conveniently had in my car. I wonder if they think all Olympians carry around extra pins for just those occasions?
Then an old friend of mine, I have known him for about ten years, bumped into me after lunch. He and I had a long conversation about our separate meditation and yoga practices and at the end of the conversation I asked if the cafe he worked at still had job openings. I could work a few nights a week, get to know some people in town, make a little money, and have a bit of a break from training. I think that over thinking and over analyzing can contribute to over training and lack of desire and passion. My schedule from now until February is a little crazy but does allow some time to work. Besides, I think it would be a good break to go to a coffee shop on the weekends after my gym routines. This time I would be making money instead of draining money into lattes.
So, that is my day. Meeting the President of Xerox, finding a couple who loves the Olympics, and filling out an application to work at a cafe near the fencing club. The cafe has free wireless-perhaps more blogs are on the way?
I hope all of you enjoyed the weekend as much as I did. Have a great Monday!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
the flip side
In some of my blog posts I think-do people really believe I am this happy all the time with my Olympic pursuit? Especially after my last post I may have made it seem as though I have crossed over into this world of child's play. Well, here I am to squash those myths.
NYC was a place of a lot of realization for me. Not only were my conversations with my friends great and inspiring but the city itself ignited something in me.
I had a chance to stay at my friend's apartment and since he was never there it felt like I was living on my own again. That taste of freedom was a little too exciting for me because living with my parents at 26 years old isn't always what it is cracked up to be. I love my parents and especially the food my mom makes each night but living with them was never really in the long term after college plans. It wasn't even a should of-it was something of a life or death issue. (Just kidding.)
This new life in Rochester has opened many doors for me personally, but it has also put a bit of a damper on my social life. Let's not even ask how long it's been since I have been on a date or even asked out on a date. This is where everyone chimes in with a collective, "awwwww...". I know, I know, very tragic.
Traveling, training, and living with my parents isn't really the perfect formula for meeting friends let alone meeting potential boyfriends. Alright I do give that it isn't all that great to be "distracted" by relationships but sometimes that distraction is much needed when each day is filled with thoughts about fencing or fencing related topics. There is only so much Scrabble I can play with my Dad or so many movies I can watch with my Mom. My teammate, Hanna, and I do hang out but there are limited places to go in a small city like Rochester. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
The reality is that I miss this other life I lead. The one where I wore outfits each day that didn't include my standard uniform of sweats, sports bra, socks, and snekers. I also miss having nights out with my good friends-talking over the phone isn't always the same as seeing each other in person. None of my friends live here and going out alone is more depressing than staying at home on a Friday. Complain, complain.
Okay, how many notches have I gone down in your book now? I know these complaints aren't really that crucial in the big scheme of things, but I do have to acknowledge the fact that being in NYC last week made me long for the life in a bigger city with more things to do and more people to meet. Don't get me wrong-Rochester is an interesting city..if you are raising kids, not if you are 26 years old and single. Just keeping it real-so to speak.
I do understand that the choices we make put some things on the back burner while other parts of our lives become a higher priority. The best and worst quote-"Nothing ever stays the same. Change is always constant." I am sure that I will be yearning for more time in the gym a year from now. Grass is always greener? Maybe I should read my last blog post and just be happy in this moment.
Enough about my rants and ravings. It's almost my bedtime-I have to get up early again tomorrow to hit the gym.
Happy Halloween!
NYC was a place of a lot of realization for me. Not only were my conversations with my friends great and inspiring but the city itself ignited something in me.
I had a chance to stay at my friend's apartment and since he was never there it felt like I was living on my own again. That taste of freedom was a little too exciting for me because living with my parents at 26 years old isn't always what it is cracked up to be. I love my parents and especially the food my mom makes each night but living with them was never really in the long term after college plans. It wasn't even a should of-it was something of a life or death issue. (Just kidding.)
This new life in Rochester has opened many doors for me personally, but it has also put a bit of a damper on my social life. Let's not even ask how long it's been since I have been on a date or even asked out on a date. This is where everyone chimes in with a collective, "awwwww...". I know, I know, very tragic.
Traveling, training, and living with my parents isn't really the perfect formula for meeting friends let alone meeting potential boyfriends. Alright I do give that it isn't all that great to be "distracted" by relationships but sometimes that distraction is much needed when each day is filled with thoughts about fencing or fencing related topics. There is only so much Scrabble I can play with my Dad or so many movies I can watch with my Mom. My teammate, Hanna, and I do hang out but there are limited places to go in a small city like Rochester. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
The reality is that I miss this other life I lead. The one where I wore outfits each day that didn't include my standard uniform of sweats, sports bra, socks, and snekers. I also miss having nights out with my good friends-talking over the phone isn't always the same as seeing each other in person. None of my friends live here and going out alone is more depressing than staying at home on a Friday. Complain, complain.
Okay, how many notches have I gone down in your book now? I know these complaints aren't really that crucial in the big scheme of things, but I do have to acknowledge the fact that being in NYC last week made me long for the life in a bigger city with more things to do and more people to meet. Don't get me wrong-Rochester is an interesting city..if you are raising kids, not if you are 26 years old and single. Just keeping it real-so to speak.
I do understand that the choices we make put some things on the back burner while other parts of our lives become a higher priority. The best and worst quote-"Nothing ever stays the same. Change is always constant." I am sure that I will be yearning for more time in the gym a year from now. Grass is always greener? Maybe I should read my last blog post and just be happy in this moment.
Enough about my rants and ravings. It's almost my bedtime-I have to get up early again tomorrow to hit the gym.
Happy Halloween!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Swingsets, sandboxes, and playgrounds
A friend of mine turned 37 years old the other day and I asked him what age he really felt. This of course was after several jokes about aging at his expense. Even after all the jokes he looked me square in the eye, as only he knows how to do, and answered, "I feel 25". Then he said something that I've been thinking about a lot since our conversation. He said that he feels 25, but inside he sometimes feels like he never left the 15 year old kid behind. That's true-he's quite the prankster.
Today I overheard a couple of women who had a conversation about age. One said that I can't believe I'm 40 years old, and of course that was followed by the obligatory, "you don't look that old, come on, stop it, you aren't forty". The truth is that this woman does not look her age at all and I'm always very taken aback by her exotic beauty. Then another woman, aged 65, chimed in and said that sometimes she looks in the mirror and can't seem to believe what is staring back at her. The wrinkles on her face represent an age that she doesn't connect with when she is away from the mirror. The bottom line is that these women don't really look their age, whatever that means. In this Botox world, age has become a very fluid and sometimes paralyzed concept.
We are all very much defined by age-at 16 we get a driver's license, 18 we can vote and smoke and enlist in the military, at 21 we can drink, then the birthdays sort of fall off. We start counting the numbers and start to get scared somewhere down the line. Shouldn't I be married, shouldn't I have kids, shouldn't I? Shouldn't I? This is similar to the the doubts I expressed when I first started my journey, I'm 25 years old, shouldn't I move on from fencing and start my career? Shouldn't I be moving towards my "real life"?
In my (humble) opinion we are sometimes too busy getting to certain ages and doing all the shoulds that we don't just stop and have some fun. Even saying those words seems a little off. We don't all have to quit our jobs and start fencing but isn't it time we make room for something we love in our lives? The pursuit of something for the sake of it's pursuit rather than the pursuit for an absolute end result. Very revolutionary concept in this day and age.
My friend who turned 37 years old last week mentioned that we should spend some time nurturing and loving our inner kids. To laugh more and be more present like only kids can be. Children aren't thinking or worrying about what they are going to do in next minute or hour, they are immersed in what they are doing at the moment they are doing it.
This point struck another cord with me today when I stayed for a while after my practice to hang out and teach the younger group of fencers. The room was filled with so much joy and excitement, which was so great to witness and be a part of. I laughed with them as they make jokes (at my expense of course) and I reveled in their curiosity about the most random things.
Where does the joy for life go when we grow up? I think that my friend is right-the little kid in everyone needs some time to play without structure. I think that's why when I got back from the world championships I spent some time walking in the park and swinging on the swing sets. I must have been an odd sight at the park but it was so much fun to fly through the air, with my feet kicking away as I rose higher and higher. I truly enjoyed the experience of having the breeze blow through my hair and the broad grin on my face.
What does this have to do with training? Everything. Being present in the moment and enjoying what I do even on the hardest days makes all the difference. Before this year, I spent twenty years practicing for the next thing without ever really enjoying the process or even enjoying the moments that I would succeed. To my coach, to me as a driven girl, one gold medal meant I had to strive for another gold medal to continue to prove that I belonged on top. They say that experiences and joy are truly lost on youth and I can't say that is entirely untrue. I think I was more stressed out at 15 than I am at 27-maybe my inner kid is the more mature one? Or maybe now we are old enough now to enjoy the things that kids take for granted? We shouldn't miss that opportunity.
So the moral of this rambling story is to enjoy some time with your inner kid and have save moments to laugh or play. Be present in the moment. As Will Smith says in the movie Hitch, "Live each day as if it were on purpose."
Today I overheard a couple of women who had a conversation about age. One said that I can't believe I'm 40 years old, and of course that was followed by the obligatory, "you don't look that old, come on, stop it, you aren't forty". The truth is that this woman does not look her age at all and I'm always very taken aback by her exotic beauty. Then another woman, aged 65, chimed in and said that sometimes she looks in the mirror and can't seem to believe what is staring back at her. The wrinkles on her face represent an age that she doesn't connect with when she is away from the mirror. The bottom line is that these women don't really look their age, whatever that means. In this Botox world, age has become a very fluid and sometimes paralyzed concept.
We are all very much defined by age-at 16 we get a driver's license, 18 we can vote and smoke and enlist in the military, at 21 we can drink, then the birthdays sort of fall off. We start counting the numbers and start to get scared somewhere down the line. Shouldn't I be married, shouldn't I have kids, shouldn't I? Shouldn't I? This is similar to the the doubts I expressed when I first started my journey, I'm 25 years old, shouldn't I move on from fencing and start my career? Shouldn't I be moving towards my "real life"?
In my (humble) opinion we are sometimes too busy getting to certain ages and doing all the shoulds that we don't just stop and have some fun. Even saying those words seems a little off. We don't all have to quit our jobs and start fencing but isn't it time we make room for something we love in our lives? The pursuit of something for the sake of it's pursuit rather than the pursuit for an absolute end result. Very revolutionary concept in this day and age.
My friend who turned 37 years old last week mentioned that we should spend some time nurturing and loving our inner kids. To laugh more and be more present like only kids can be. Children aren't thinking or worrying about what they are going to do in next minute or hour, they are immersed in what they are doing at the moment they are doing it.
This point struck another cord with me today when I stayed for a while after my practice to hang out and teach the younger group of fencers. The room was filled with so much joy and excitement, which was so great to witness and be a part of. I laughed with them as they make jokes (at my expense of course) and I reveled in their curiosity about the most random things.
Where does the joy for life go when we grow up? I think that my friend is right-the little kid in everyone needs some time to play without structure. I think that's why when I got back from the world championships I spent some time walking in the park and swinging on the swing sets. I must have been an odd sight at the park but it was so much fun to fly through the air, with my feet kicking away as I rose higher and higher. I truly enjoyed the experience of having the breeze blow through my hair and the broad grin on my face.
What does this have to do with training? Everything. Being present in the moment and enjoying what I do even on the hardest days makes all the difference. Before this year, I spent twenty years practicing for the next thing without ever really enjoying the process or even enjoying the moments that I would succeed. To my coach, to me as a driven girl, one gold medal meant I had to strive for another gold medal to continue to prove that I belonged on top. They say that experiences and joy are truly lost on youth and I can't say that is entirely untrue. I think I was more stressed out at 15 than I am at 27-maybe my inner kid is the more mature one? Or maybe now we are old enough now to enjoy the things that kids take for granted? We shouldn't miss that opportunity.
So the moral of this rambling story is to enjoy some time with your inner kid and have save moments to laugh or play. Be present in the moment. As Will Smith says in the movie Hitch, "Live each day as if it were on purpose."
Sunday, October 28, 2007
P.S.
P.S. I found (actually a friend of mine found) a great yoga place in NYC after the blog post of the nightmare yoga studio. I went there and the vibe was everything I was looking for in a yoga studio. You can read about Dharma Yoga Center by clicking here. If you are ever in NYC I do recommend going there for a class.
Home....again....
I flew back to Rochester this afternoon from NYC where I had a great week of trainings, getting treated, and visiting various friends. There is never enough time in a new york minute to fit everything in and unfortunately I couldn't see all of my friends. Besides I was technically there on "business" if you can truly call fencing a business.
Tomorrow will be my first day back in the gym in about three weeks. I don't think I have stepped foot in the Mid-twon athletic club and the fencing center for about that long. I'm looking forward to seeing the familiar faces and getting back to work on a regular daily schedule.
I hope everyone has a great week ahead of them.
Oh yeah, trick or treat! Or is it Happy Thanksgiving or is it Merry Christmas since Holiday knick knacks are already out in all the stores. Why would I fill out Christmas cards in October when you can send them the day before Christmas. Should I have already addressed and sent out my Channukah cards?
I digress.
Have a great and productive week!
Tomorrow will be my first day back in the gym in about three weeks. I don't think I have stepped foot in the Mid-twon athletic club and the fencing center for about that long. I'm looking forward to seeing the familiar faces and getting back to work on a regular daily schedule.
I hope everyone has a great week ahead of them.
Oh yeah, trick or treat! Or is it Happy Thanksgiving or is it Merry Christmas since Holiday knick knacks are already out in all the stores. Why would I fill out Christmas cards in October when you can send them the day before Christmas. Should I have already addressed and sent out my Channukah cards?
I digress.
Have a great and productive week!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
The big apple
I arrived in NYC on Monday and it's only taken me a few short days to get nice and sore. Someone said to me once that pain is weakness leaving the body and if that is the case I am one strong chick.
It's amazing how much you can accomplish in NYC in a very short amount of time. The past few days have been filled with physical therapy appointments, fencing, yoga, and a visit with some of my close friends.
The yoga is the part that took me by surprise. Yoga for me is a very meditative and introspective practice while going slowly into poses. The interesting thing is that yoga has become nycfied and instead of being relaxing, the yoga studio I went to was almost masochistic. The instructor started the class with some chants, which isn't abnormal, but she was yelling the chants. I couldn't even hear myself think while she was shouting OMmmmmm at the top of her lungs. Then when I tried to modify certain poses because I can't really get into them very easily, she would force me into a pose of yell something like-FEET TOGETHER! or TOUCH THE PALM TO THE GROUND! I wanted to say-hey lady, if I could touch my entire palm on the ground with my legs in this position, I wouldn't be in this class.
Needless to say, I needed some time after the yoga class to decompress. I feel like people in the city could use more classes that are restful since they live such hectic lives but logic and reason does not always prevail.
Fencing here has been great and I'm looking forward to tonight because we are doing some video analyzation of the Italian team. I have been impressed by the effectiveness of their footwork patterns and strategies. I am sure talking about video tape is really exciting for the blog readers.
Anyways, it's time to get going on this day. Hope everyone is having a great week!
It's amazing how much you can accomplish in NYC in a very short amount of time. The past few days have been filled with physical therapy appointments, fencing, yoga, and a visit with some of my close friends.
The yoga is the part that took me by surprise. Yoga for me is a very meditative and introspective practice while going slowly into poses. The interesting thing is that yoga has become nycfied and instead of being relaxing, the yoga studio I went to was almost masochistic. The instructor started the class with some chants, which isn't abnormal, but she was yelling the chants. I couldn't even hear myself think while she was shouting OMmmmmm at the top of her lungs. Then when I tried to modify certain poses because I can't really get into them very easily, she would force me into a pose of yell something like-FEET TOGETHER! or TOUCH THE PALM TO THE GROUND! I wanted to say-hey lady, if I could touch my entire palm on the ground with my legs in this position, I wouldn't be in this class.
Needless to say, I needed some time after the yoga class to decompress. I feel like people in the city could use more classes that are restful since they live such hectic lives but logic and reason does not always prevail.
Fencing here has been great and I'm looking forward to tonight because we are doing some video analyzation of the Italian team. I have been impressed by the effectiveness of their footwork patterns and strategies. I am sure talking about video tape is really exciting for the blog readers.
Anyways, it's time to get going on this day. Hope everyone is having a great week!
Saturday, October 20, 2007
All things have to come to an end
Alas, my days were numbered at Shangri-La. I would love to return to those sunny days walking along the lake with the mountains in the background, but I am back to Rochester and back to reality.
This morning greeted me with dark clouds and rain as I made my way to the gym. It wasn't the way I wanted to start back into things but as the song says, we can't always get what we want.
Making a slight transition but in the same vain as "all good things have to come to an end", I would like to begin the discussion about Marion Jones. For those of you who don't know who she is, Marion is the track star from the Sydney and Athens games. She has several medals under belt (or used to until she gave them back two weeks ago).
I can't tell you how sad I was to find out that she admitted to "juicing up" for the Olympics because from what I hear she was so talented that she didn't need to. I remember standing near her during the opening ceremonies of the Sydney Games and she was a super star amongst the Olympic athletes. Here we all were, the best of the best of our sports, and some of us were going up to her for autographs.
I am so dissapointed to hear about her. According to an article I read she is now married to a former track athlete, has a four year old son, and is broke. How sad-she went from being a super star to another poor ex-athlete.
Things brings me to what I've been thinking about since I read about Marion. Does the ends justify the means? A lot of athletes succumb to pressure, peer pressure, pressure from parents, pressure from fans, pressure from coaches and teammates to do everything it takes to win that medal. Is it really that important? I mean yes, I would love to have a gold medal, but am I willing to sacrifice my morals and values in order to do so? Am I willing to cheat to make it happen?
I once dated a shot put player for a VERY brief period at Stanford before the 2004 Games. He was much smaller than the rest of the shot put guys but he was very strong and could throw far. There were scandals then about track athletes using steroids and I asked him if he would be willing to take them. He said he would because it evens the field, everyone takes supplements. I wasn't shocked that he would but I remember being taken aback that he was so matter a fact about it. He didn't even blink when he answered and it was almost like I asked him if he could inhale and exhale.
However, I am sure in the moment Marion felt that it was the best thing to do. I'm not saying I would go that route but I don't think I blame her entirely for her actions. Dave Chapelle during his comedy routine mentions Michael Jackson and all his surgeries and he says, "In some sick twisted way he did it for you". And I think in this case, in some sick twisted way Marion wasn't srong inside and caved to media, fan, and personal pressure to succeed.
What is this doing to the athlete? What are we willing to sacrifice to win? Everyone believes that an athlete should live, breathe, and die their sport but at what cost to the person as a whole? Dedication is one thing but unhealthly obsession over achievement is another.
This topic strikes a cord with me not only because it's about Marion Jones whom I admired during the Sydney Games but the question, "Does the end justify the means?", comes up often in my talk about athletes. What are we willing to sacrifice in order to win that precious medal? What does that mean to you?
The ones who know me and read this blog, understand what I went through for twenty years of my life-utter abuse, physically and mentally, from my former coach. At the time it was fine and accepted because I was winning everything (the ends justified his abuse and also made it worse in the end) but now as an adult this method no longer serves me as an athlete and human being. The road is much harder and sometimes not as clear in terms of results but in terms of life things have never been better.
I hope this last paragraph wasn't too obtuse for most of you but I don't think I am quite ready to reveal everything on this blog. I am hoping to eventually write a book about the relationships between coaches and athletes sometime down the line but the wound is still too much on the surface.
To sum things up I think this debate has many layers to it as most good debates do. I am sad for Marion and I am sad that she did what she did. However, I understand that she probably felt a lot of pressure from outside sources which over road her better judgement. The unfortunate thing is that she is not the only one to crack. There is so much pressure to break new records to be better than the last, to be a hero, to be a super person that sometimes the athletes don't even question whether or not this is wrong. "If everyone is doing it, it just makes sense for me to as well."
And finally, a message to every athlete. The ends DOES NOT justify the means. When it's wrong, it's just wrong. An abusive coach, taking steroids, if you are a good athlete you will get there. Besides, the medal isn't everything and it is in the pursuit that we know and reveal our true selves. After the medal you will still be Marion Jones and you will have to live with your decisions for the rest of your life.
Well, all good things have to come to an end and this blog entry has reached it's finale.
I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend! I'm off to NYC for training and treatment on Monday morning until the following Saturday.
This morning greeted me with dark clouds and rain as I made my way to the gym. It wasn't the way I wanted to start back into things but as the song says, we can't always get what we want.
Making a slight transition but in the same vain as "all good things have to come to an end", I would like to begin the discussion about Marion Jones. For those of you who don't know who she is, Marion is the track star from the Sydney and Athens games. She has several medals under belt (or used to until she gave them back two weeks ago).
I can't tell you how sad I was to find out that she admitted to "juicing up" for the Olympics because from what I hear she was so talented that she didn't need to. I remember standing near her during the opening ceremonies of the Sydney Games and she was a super star amongst the Olympic athletes. Here we all were, the best of the best of our sports, and some of us were going up to her for autographs.
I am so dissapointed to hear about her. According to an article I read she is now married to a former track athlete, has a four year old son, and is broke. How sad-she went from being a super star to another poor ex-athlete.
Things brings me to what I've been thinking about since I read about Marion. Does the ends justify the means? A lot of athletes succumb to pressure, peer pressure, pressure from parents, pressure from fans, pressure from coaches and teammates to do everything it takes to win that medal. Is it really that important? I mean yes, I would love to have a gold medal, but am I willing to sacrifice my morals and values in order to do so? Am I willing to cheat to make it happen?
I once dated a shot put player for a VERY brief period at Stanford before the 2004 Games. He was much smaller than the rest of the shot put guys but he was very strong and could throw far. There were scandals then about track athletes using steroids and I asked him if he would be willing to take them. He said he would because it evens the field, everyone takes supplements. I wasn't shocked that he would but I remember being taken aback that he was so matter a fact about it. He didn't even blink when he answered and it was almost like I asked him if he could inhale and exhale.
However, I am sure in the moment Marion felt that it was the best thing to do. I'm not saying I would go that route but I don't think I blame her entirely for her actions. Dave Chapelle during his comedy routine mentions Michael Jackson and all his surgeries and he says, "In some sick twisted way he did it for you". And I think in this case, in some sick twisted way Marion wasn't srong inside and caved to media, fan, and personal pressure to succeed.
What is this doing to the athlete? What are we willing to sacrifice to win? Everyone believes that an athlete should live, breathe, and die their sport but at what cost to the person as a whole? Dedication is one thing but unhealthly obsession over achievement is another.
This topic strikes a cord with me not only because it's about Marion Jones whom I admired during the Sydney Games but the question, "Does the end justify the means?", comes up often in my talk about athletes. What are we willing to sacrifice in order to win that precious medal? What does that mean to you?
The ones who know me and read this blog, understand what I went through for twenty years of my life-utter abuse, physically and mentally, from my former coach. At the time it was fine and accepted because I was winning everything (the ends justified his abuse and also made it worse in the end) but now as an adult this method no longer serves me as an athlete and human being. The road is much harder and sometimes not as clear in terms of results but in terms of life things have never been better.
I hope this last paragraph wasn't too obtuse for most of you but I don't think I am quite ready to reveal everything on this blog. I am hoping to eventually write a book about the relationships between coaches and athletes sometime down the line but the wound is still too much on the surface.
To sum things up I think this debate has many layers to it as most good debates do. I am sad for Marion and I am sad that she did what she did. However, I understand that she probably felt a lot of pressure from outside sources which over road her better judgement. The unfortunate thing is that she is not the only one to crack. There is so much pressure to break new records to be better than the last, to be a hero, to be a super person that sometimes the athletes don't even question whether or not this is wrong. "If everyone is doing it, it just makes sense for me to as well."
And finally, a message to every athlete. The ends DOES NOT justify the means. When it's wrong, it's just wrong. An abusive coach, taking steroids, if you are a good athlete you will get there. Besides, the medal isn't everything and it is in the pursuit that we know and reveal our true selves. After the medal you will still be Marion Jones and you will have to live with your decisions for the rest of your life.
Well, all good things have to come to an end and this blog entry has reached it's finale.
I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend! I'm off to NYC for training and treatment on Monday morning until the following Saturday.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Shangri-La
I'm lucky my sister lives in such a beautiful place that is perfect for a small respite from the Olympic run.
There isn't much to say except for I think I've never been so relaxed. I've gotten a hair cut, taken many naps, walked my friend Gwen's dog everyday around the lake, and now I am off to a yoga retreat near Denver. I do have to talk about the lake though.
Every morning the sun rises over the mountains and reflects into the lake. The water is calm except for the few duck families passing by every once in a while. Everyone is happily walking their dogs while children play on swingsets and jungle gym nearby. Everything is framed by the sometimes snow capped mountains in the background. The word for it is picturesque but I prefer to use Shangri-La. I love Denver.
The ashram we are going to is called Shoshoni Retreat and we will be spending the next 24 hours doing yoga, meditation, eating vegetarian foods, and exploring the surroundings. I am definitely falling in love with this place, not sure if I want to return to real life just yet.
I did try to do some real work in the gym yesterday but I decided it was too nice out to be stuck lifting weights so I went to the lake again for a walk. I am definitely resting mind, body, and spirit.
Wish you all were here.
There isn't much to say except for I think I've never been so relaxed. I've gotten a hair cut, taken many naps, walked my friend Gwen's dog everyday around the lake, and now I am off to a yoga retreat near Denver. I do have to talk about the lake though.
Every morning the sun rises over the mountains and reflects into the lake. The water is calm except for the few duck families passing by every once in a while. Everyone is happily walking their dogs while children play on swingsets and jungle gym nearby. Everything is framed by the sometimes snow capped mountains in the background. The word for it is picturesque but I prefer to use Shangri-La. I love Denver.
The ashram we are going to is called Shoshoni Retreat and we will be spending the next 24 hours doing yoga, meditation, eating vegetarian foods, and exploring the surroundings. I am definitely falling in love with this place, not sure if I want to return to real life just yet.
I did try to do some real work in the gym yesterday but I decided it was too nice out to be stuck lifting weights so I went to the lake again for a walk. I am definitely resting mind, body, and spirit.
Wish you all were here.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Denver!
I better get to sleep soon since I have to catch a plane to Denver at 7am tomorrow. I'm going westward to visit my sister Felicia for a week. She has a break between projects at work and I have a week off before I continue training for the rest of the season.
Felicia and I are planning on attending a two day yoga retreat close to Denver. I'm looking forward to sharing a one room, one bed, no electricty, heat or water hut with my sister for two days. I just hope that the water in the communal bath house is warm. Right now I'm sort of picturing a bucket with a string or maybe a metal bathtub? This should be an interesting two days.
Besides the one room hut and bucket shower, I am truly looking forward to a week where I am not thinking about fencing (although I probably will do a lot of thinking about fencing anyways). At least I am not putting my fencing stuff on for a good week because sometimes this journey can suffer from tunnel vision. Both my chiropractor and massage therapist told me to take the time to center myself and truly use the time to rest both the body and mind. There won't be another week long opportunity like this until the end of the season. Meditation, yoga, and vegetarian food here I come!
I still can't believe that the Olympics are less than a year away.
After I get back from Denver I am headed to NYC for a week to fence and get treated for my various ailments. I haven't been to the Big Apple in a while and I'm looking forward to going back. A trip to the city is always a fun time even when I feel like I get caught up in the faster pace. I'm sure my NYC friends that read this blog are thinking that I'm a big country bumpkin after that sentence. Maybe I shouldn't tell them that I saw a deer on my way home from the fencing club this evening.
I know that I still have yet to comment on the Marion Jones incident but I promise I will. In the meantime, you can read about what happened to her by clicking here.
It's truly a sad story and it's definitely worth the discussion.
See you all in Denver!
Felicia and I are planning on attending a two day yoga retreat close to Denver. I'm looking forward to sharing a one room, one bed, no electricty, heat or water hut with my sister for two days. I just hope that the water in the communal bath house is warm. Right now I'm sort of picturing a bucket with a string or maybe a metal bathtub? This should be an interesting two days.
Besides the one room hut and bucket shower, I am truly looking forward to a week where I am not thinking about fencing (although I probably will do a lot of thinking about fencing anyways). At least I am not putting my fencing stuff on for a good week because sometimes this journey can suffer from tunnel vision. Both my chiropractor and massage therapist told me to take the time to center myself and truly use the time to rest both the body and mind. There won't be another week long opportunity like this until the end of the season. Meditation, yoga, and vegetarian food here I come!
I still can't believe that the Olympics are less than a year away.
After I get back from Denver I am headed to NYC for a week to fence and get treated for my various ailments. I haven't been to the Big Apple in a while and I'm looking forward to going back. A trip to the city is always a fun time even when I feel like I get caught up in the faster pace. I'm sure my NYC friends that read this blog are thinking that I'm a big country bumpkin after that sentence. Maybe I shouldn't tell them that I saw a deer on my way home from the fencing club this evening.
I know that I still have yet to comment on the Marion Jones incident but I promise I will. In the meantime, you can read about what happened to her by clicking here.
It's truly a sad story and it's definitely worth the discussion.
See you all in Denver!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Recap on Mother Russia
It turns out that results don't always add up to the way that you feel like you performed. I hate to say it but I fenced well but not well enough to beat the Russian to make the next round (to the top-32). I was close but no cigar in the end. It wasn't even the cheering Russian fans that did it in for me, I just think I made one or two errors that cost me the match.
As for the team event. I fenced really well and I think the team fenced very well as a whole. We were one touch away from beating Romania to make it to the round of top-8. It's unfortunate but we are still about forty points ahead of Venezuela to qualify a team for the Olympics.
That's the short and long of the description of World Championships. It didn't go badly and I think I fenced well overall, but unfortunately my result wasn't super spectacular. They never said that qualifying for the Olympics would be easy.
As for the team event. I fenced really well and I think the team fenced very well as a whole. We were one touch away from beating Romania to make it to the round of top-8. It's unfortunate but we are still about forty points ahead of Venezuela to qualify a team for the Olympics.
That's the short and long of the description of World Championships. It didn't go badly and I think I fenced well overall, but unfortunately my result wasn't super spectacular. They never said that qualifying for the Olympics would be easy.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
back from Russia
I just got back from Russia late last night and I am totally jet lagged. I don't think I've ever been this tired from a trip before-maybe I'm getting old or maybe it was the four hour lay over in Paris and the five hour lay over in NYC? Who knows.
I thought I would share a picture that a friend of mine took of me on the plane. It gives you an idea of how I feel right about now.
It's a little dark but I think you get the picture.
I'm going to blog later today about the whole trip and my thoughts on it later today. I'm also planning to comment on the recent events with Marion Jones-she had to return her medals from the Olympic Games after pleading guilty to taking banned substances. I remember seeing her at Sydney and I have lots of thoughts on the matter-coming up soon.
Hope all is well and you didn't miss me too much!
I thought I would share a picture that a friend of mine took of me on the plane. It gives you an idea of how I feel right about now.
It's a little dark but I think you get the picture.
I'm going to blog later today about the whole trip and my thoughts on it later today. I'm also planning to comment on the recent events with Marion Jones-she had to return her medals from the Olympic Games after pleading guilty to taking banned substances. I remember seeing her at Sydney and I have lots of thoughts on the matter-coming up soon.
Hope all is well and you didn't miss me too much!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
In transit
Just wanted to say that I am about to board a plane to Paris....the stop before St. Petersburg. I hope to get another blog in while we are Paris waiting for the next flight, especially since we have a seven hour lay over. Do you think we have enough time?
Here is a lovely photo of Hanna and I in transit. Caption: I wouldn't say this is our best picture..just look at the shiny forehead! OY! However, I am wearing my new glasses.
See you in Paris!
Here is a lovely photo of Hanna and I in transit. Caption: I wouldn't say this is our best picture..just look at the shiny forehead! OY! However, I am wearing my new glasses.
See you in Paris!
Monday, September 24, 2007
Return to the Motherland
I lived in Moscow for about four months in 2005, and I have been back once since then to fence. There is a lot of history for me in that country and especially the city of St. Petersburg-the site of this year's World Championships.
The following are short stories about a few of my trips to Mother Russia.
First story: Moscow, 1999
I made my first senior world cup final at the Moscow world cup in 1999. I was about eighteen then and had started at Stanford that year. I remember that Buckie was so proud of me that he bought me a shot of vodka. I am definitely a cheap date so I went up to accept my medal just a little tipsy.
Second story: St. Petersburg, 2004
This one is not as fun as the first story. St. Petersburg was the last competition for selection of the 2004 team. There was only one individual that could qualify to compete for USA women's foil at the Olympics that year. It was at this competition that I needed to just make the top-32, something I had done many times over in my career, in order to make the team. I was leading a Russian girl and in the last period I lost to her making me two points short overall of making the 2004 team. Just writing these words is tough for me.
The interesting thing is that my current coach was coaching Felicia at the time and she consoled me in the bathroom. I was just sobbing uncontrollably.
It was also the last time Buckie ever coached me in a competition. He and I were through. We had a short talk and the end and he said he thought I would make the team and I said I didn't and I felt like it was partly his fault. And we left it at that, nothing more and nothing less. It still pisses me off to think that is how we ended our twenty year career together. But that is definitely a story for another day.
Third story: Moscow and St. Petersburg, 2005
This one is definitely happier than the second. The whole Stanford in Moscow exchange program went to St. Petersburg for a trip during our quarter abroad. We had a great time there and it was at that time I had no intention of coming back to fencing. I did fence a bit in Moscow but I felt like it was already over for me. Was I secretly thinking that I would come back? I seriously doubted that at the time.
I even remember talking to some fencers from Moscow and they would ask me whether or not I would return. I would laugh and say absolutely not and they would respond that fencing is always in the blood. Russians-always so dramatic. True, but dramatic.
Fourth story: St. Petersburg, 2007
This story has yet to be written. This is the story of my return to St. Petersburg as a fencer ready to fence at the World Championships. I'm looking foward to going back, practicing my ever decreasing Russian vocabulary, and visit the Hermitage. I just remember how much I loved that city.
What I loved most about St. Petersburg was it's history of Tsars and Tsarinas, especially the story about Catherine the Great. She was quite the character, you can click here to find out more about her.
My flight leaves on Saturday and I will arrive in St. Petersburg sometime on Sunday by way off Rochester-Newark-Paris. Apparently you can't fly directly to St. Petersburg-or maybe you can't fly directly there on a budget.
By the way-I appreciate everyone's comments about the blog. All are very useful and fun to hear.
The following are short stories about a few of my trips to Mother Russia.
First story: Moscow, 1999
I made my first senior world cup final at the Moscow world cup in 1999. I was about eighteen then and had started at Stanford that year. I remember that Buckie was so proud of me that he bought me a shot of vodka. I am definitely a cheap date so I went up to accept my medal just a little tipsy.
Second story: St. Petersburg, 2004
This one is not as fun as the first story. St. Petersburg was the last competition for selection of the 2004 team. There was only one individual that could qualify to compete for USA women's foil at the Olympics that year. It was at this competition that I needed to just make the top-32, something I had done many times over in my career, in order to make the team. I was leading a Russian girl and in the last period I lost to her making me two points short overall of making the 2004 team. Just writing these words is tough for me.
The interesting thing is that my current coach was coaching Felicia at the time and she consoled me in the bathroom. I was just sobbing uncontrollably.
It was also the last time Buckie ever coached me in a competition. He and I were through. We had a short talk and the end and he said he thought I would make the team and I said I didn't and I felt like it was partly his fault. And we left it at that, nothing more and nothing less. It still pisses me off to think that is how we ended our twenty year career together. But that is definitely a story for another day.
Third story: Moscow and St. Petersburg, 2005
This one is definitely happier than the second. The whole Stanford in Moscow exchange program went to St. Petersburg for a trip during our quarter abroad. We had a great time there and it was at that time I had no intention of coming back to fencing. I did fence a bit in Moscow but I felt like it was already over for me. Was I secretly thinking that I would come back? I seriously doubted that at the time.
I even remember talking to some fencers from Moscow and they would ask me whether or not I would return. I would laugh and say absolutely not and they would respond that fencing is always in the blood. Russians-always so dramatic. True, but dramatic.
Fourth story: St. Petersburg, 2007
This story has yet to be written. This is the story of my return to St. Petersburg as a fencer ready to fence at the World Championships. I'm looking foward to going back, practicing my ever decreasing Russian vocabulary, and visit the Hermitage. I just remember how much I loved that city.
What I loved most about St. Petersburg was it's history of Tsars and Tsarinas, especially the story about Catherine the Great. She was quite the character, you can click here to find out more about her.
My flight leaves on Saturday and I will arrive in St. Petersburg sometime on Sunday by way off Rochester-Newark-Paris. Apparently you can't fly directly to St. Petersburg-or maybe you can't fly directly there on a budget.
By the way-I appreciate everyone's comments about the blog. All are very useful and fun to hear.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
what's in a name?
I'm all about nicknames. You can ask my teammates about it-I've probably had a hand in creating the nicknames they have on the team. I call it the women's foil frasority, we have a couple of guys in our group as well.
Hanna is "skinny" (self-explanatory)
Emily is "the brain" (she goes to Harvard)
Erinn is "guns" (since she broke her finger she has managed to find a way to hit from the hip)
Doris is "the kid" (she's the youngest)
Nat is "the owl" (because she's so wise)
Mike is "the mission" (he is always on a mission and his fencing club is in the mission in SF)
My name-well that is still being decided.
My original nickname was "Mama". Mostly because I was the one with the most experience on the team (although Erinn is older and has just about as much experience), I've been around a long time, and I have a tendency to want to take care of others.
However, this past week I was thinking about it. There is a lot in a name-just take Romeo and Juliet for example, where I ripped the title of this blog from. There is a lot in a name-some names you don't like because you don't like the person they are associated with. Did you have a run in with Rose? Do you like the name Chad because he was your high school sweetheart?
Names are important. Nicknames are just as important because they are supposed to represent a very concentrated part of you. I just wasn't feeling like I was the name Mama. I am still a competitor, I still want to win, and Mama just seems like I should have three kids and a minivan. Nothing wrong with that but not at this moment in my life.
An old Rochester Fencing Club teammate of mine came to visit the club last week during the fencing camp. She made a face when I told her that my nickname was Mama. Julianna knew me as a youngster so Mama would never make sense to her. More importantly, Mama would never make sense to her because I was always so intent on beating the crap out of everyone at fencing practice. I was an intense teenager I guess.
Her words made me think. How did I go from this super intense person to a nurturer? Then it hit me-the nickname just didn't work for me. I asked Julianna to come up with another, more appropriate nickname for the situation.
Julianna finally came up with one at the end of practice on the last day of fencing camp-"the energizer". This comes from the energizer bunny since I always seem to be on the go, up and running, but I also shut off when I am tired. I have three modes-"go", "go faster", and "full stop".
I am both these nicknames. I believe that I am someone that will work hard to get to their goals but doesn't believe that the ends justifies the means. I want to earn a place on the team without compromising any of my ideals. I think that in sports, just as in politics, there is always one path that is clearly right (perhaps slower) and one path that is clearly a little muddied.
Maybe I feel this way because I just watched Karate Kid. It was pretty sweet to see Daniel-Sun beat up on the Cobra Kai without stooping to their level. The crane kick is still one of my favorite parts of any movie I've seen.
Anyways, enough of that segue, I am happier with the nickname energizer. It makes me feel less like a soccer mom and more like the competitor that I am.
Hanna is "skinny" (self-explanatory)
Emily is "the brain" (she goes to Harvard)
Erinn is "guns" (since she broke her finger she has managed to find a way to hit from the hip)
Doris is "the kid" (she's the youngest)
Nat is "the owl" (because she's so wise)
Mike is "the mission" (he is always on a mission and his fencing club is in the mission in SF)
My name-well that is still being decided.
My original nickname was "Mama". Mostly because I was the one with the most experience on the team (although Erinn is older and has just about as much experience), I've been around a long time, and I have a tendency to want to take care of others.
However, this past week I was thinking about it. There is a lot in a name-just take Romeo and Juliet for example, where I ripped the title of this blog from. There is a lot in a name-some names you don't like because you don't like the person they are associated with. Did you have a run in with Rose? Do you like the name Chad because he was your high school sweetheart?
Names are important. Nicknames are just as important because they are supposed to represent a very concentrated part of you. I just wasn't feeling like I was the name Mama. I am still a competitor, I still want to win, and Mama just seems like I should have three kids and a minivan. Nothing wrong with that but not at this moment in my life.
An old Rochester Fencing Club teammate of mine came to visit the club last week during the fencing camp. She made a face when I told her that my nickname was Mama. Julianna knew me as a youngster so Mama would never make sense to her. More importantly, Mama would never make sense to her because I was always so intent on beating the crap out of everyone at fencing practice. I was an intense teenager I guess.
Her words made me think. How did I go from this super intense person to a nurturer? Then it hit me-the nickname just didn't work for me. I asked Julianna to come up with another, more appropriate nickname for the situation.
Julianna finally came up with one at the end of practice on the last day of fencing camp-"the energizer". This comes from the energizer bunny since I always seem to be on the go, up and running, but I also shut off when I am tired. I have three modes-"go", "go faster", and "full stop".
I am both these nicknames. I believe that I am someone that will work hard to get to their goals but doesn't believe that the ends justifies the means. I want to earn a place on the team without compromising any of my ideals. I think that in sports, just as in politics, there is always one path that is clearly right (perhaps slower) and one path that is clearly a little muddied.
Maybe I feel this way because I just watched Karate Kid. It was pretty sweet to see Daniel-Sun beat up on the Cobra Kai without stooping to their level. The crane kick is still one of my favorite parts of any movie I've seen.
Anyways, enough of that segue, I am happier with the nickname energizer. It makes me feel less like a soccer mom and more like the competitor that I am.
Friday, September 21, 2007
What a day!
I should have known that this was going to be quite a day when I woke up for the first of few times around 2am. I am currently trying to fight a cold that has been going around Rochester. A barber at the coffee shop today told me that a lot of his customers have been coming in with the same cold/flu like symptoms-I should be fine in three days he said. So much for doctors-his advice was a lot cheaper.
Around 6:30am I just decided to call it quits, get up, and get ready for my workout at the gym at 8am. When I got into my car I realized that I needed fill up the gas tank. Don't worry, the story/blog gets more interesting (just read on.). After I got gas I realized that I didn't have my credit card anymore. I spent twenty minutes at the gas station trying to look for my card. I even had the woman working at the gas station rewind the tape and see whether or not I dropped the card on the ground. By the way, this sort of scared me. How often are you on video tape without realizing it? I think I'm going to start dressing up more often-or maybe not.
After that debacle I headed to the gym. I still didn't have my credit card but I would be late with my appointment with Dave, my trainer, if I didn't leave the gas station. The workout was great. Two of my teammates joined me for the workout and it made things competitive but fun. I do have to say that I won one of the portions of the workout when we were timed-I'm not competitive.
After the gym I headed for morning practice. I did manage to find my card stuck on the side of the driver's side when I got out to head to the fencing club. Lucky me. Things seemed to be looking up-fencing practice was fun and productive-I thought that my day was starting to turn around.
But then......cue the music (dun dun dun). Someone broke into my car through the driver's side window. All I could think was how lucky I was to have found my credit card beforehand. Whew! There was glass everwhere but nothing was really stolen. Well, nothing of non sentimental value I guess. They could have taken my yoga mat or my blanket from the Sydney Olympics, but they didn't take that. I guess they didn't want my Amy Winehouse cd either-too bad for them.
My suspicion is that it was some high school kid from across the street that was attending a football game. I feel like someone older would try to take the radio or something else. Who knows? I'm just glad they didn't take my yoga mat-which is rather expensive, may I add. Who knew that centering oneself creates a need for an expensive styrophome mat? Oh yeah, I am also glad that it was a nice sunny day so I wasn't getting rained on when I drove home.
My insurance sent me to "Jimmy the Greek" to get my car window repaired. Well, technically the name is "Rochester Auto Glass" or whatever but everyone working there was greek. It turns out they had a window for my Jetta, but it wasn't the right window so I have to wait until Monday to get it replaced. Meanwhile, I have an ill fitting window on the driver's side. Oh well.
It's interesting to me-I have been going to that same fencing club for eighteen years and nothing has happened to my car or my parents' car, or any other car for that matter, in all that time. I am hoping this is just a fluke accident.
The other thing I observed about this situation was my instinctual reaction to start to protect myself. For example, I am not usually so cautious about leaving things in my car when I go into a store or sometimes I don't even lock my car when I am at home, but those little things began to look different to me. It just takes one time or one little incident to change your patterns. However, I refuse to think ill of the area because I spend so much time there but I can tell that my instincts about safety will change after this incident.
So-this blog wasn't so much about fencing but not everything is about fencing all the time. I definitely have more posts to come-I think I'm too much of a perfectionist sometimes to post some of the drafts. Maybe I should work on that when I use my expensive yoga mat at yoga class.
Around 6:30am I just decided to call it quits, get up, and get ready for my workout at the gym at 8am. When I got into my car I realized that I needed fill up the gas tank. Don't worry, the story/blog gets more interesting (just read on.). After I got gas I realized that I didn't have my credit card anymore. I spent twenty minutes at the gas station trying to look for my card. I even had the woman working at the gas station rewind the tape and see whether or not I dropped the card on the ground. By the way, this sort of scared me. How often are you on video tape without realizing it? I think I'm going to start dressing up more often-or maybe not.
After that debacle I headed to the gym. I still didn't have my credit card but I would be late with my appointment with Dave, my trainer, if I didn't leave the gas station. The workout was great. Two of my teammates joined me for the workout and it made things competitive but fun. I do have to say that I won one of the portions of the workout when we were timed-I'm not competitive.
After the gym I headed for morning practice. I did manage to find my card stuck on the side of the driver's side when I got out to head to the fencing club. Lucky me. Things seemed to be looking up-fencing practice was fun and productive-I thought that my day was starting to turn around.
But then......cue the music (dun dun dun). Someone broke into my car through the driver's side window. All I could think was how lucky I was to have found my credit card beforehand. Whew! There was glass everwhere but nothing was really stolen. Well, nothing of non sentimental value I guess. They could have taken my yoga mat or my blanket from the Sydney Olympics, but they didn't take that. I guess they didn't want my Amy Winehouse cd either-too bad for them.
My suspicion is that it was some high school kid from across the street that was attending a football game. I feel like someone older would try to take the radio or something else. Who knows? I'm just glad they didn't take my yoga mat-which is rather expensive, may I add. Who knew that centering oneself creates a need for an expensive styrophome mat? Oh yeah, I am also glad that it was a nice sunny day so I wasn't getting rained on when I drove home.
My insurance sent me to "Jimmy the Greek" to get my car window repaired. Well, technically the name is "Rochester Auto Glass" or whatever but everyone working there was greek. It turns out they had a window for my Jetta, but it wasn't the right window so I have to wait until Monday to get it replaced. Meanwhile, I have an ill fitting window on the driver's side. Oh well.
It's interesting to me-I have been going to that same fencing club for eighteen years and nothing has happened to my car or my parents' car, or any other car for that matter, in all that time. I am hoping this is just a fluke accident.
The other thing I observed about this situation was my instinctual reaction to start to protect myself. For example, I am not usually so cautious about leaving things in my car when I go into a store or sometimes I don't even lock my car when I am at home, but those little things began to look different to me. It just takes one time or one little incident to change your patterns. However, I refuse to think ill of the area because I spend so much time there but I can tell that my instincts about safety will change after this incident.
So-this blog wasn't so much about fencing but not everything is about fencing all the time. I definitely have more posts to come-I think I'm too much of a perfectionist sometimes to post some of the drafts. Maybe I should work on that when I use my expensive yoga mat at yoga class.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Weekend fun
It's a good thing that the weather is going to be cold in Rochester this weekend. The women's foil team is having a three day national camp at the Rochester Fencing Club-Saturday through Monday. Putting on all the fencing equipment (equivalent to a heavy blanket) isn't as tough when it's not as hot outside. I know, complain, complain.
This was my subtle way of saying that this is going to be a long weekend of fencing fun. The women's foil team is all here-or at least their plane just landed a few minutes ago. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again and getting ready as a team for the World Championships that is coming up in a few weeks.
Hopefully I will remember my camera this time so I can take some fun photos of the team for my blog. I know I always say it but it doesn't always seem to happen. I guess my excuse is that I am so focused on fencing that I can't be bothered with taking photos. It's not really the truth because the real truth is that I have a tough time remembering where I put the camera in the first place.
I want to leave you with an unrelated note. My parents are spending this evening at the October Fest. Not only that, my Mom brought her two Chinese friends with her. It sort of brings a smile to my face to think that my mom, two other Chinese people, and my German father are drinking beer, eating wursts, and listening to German music. Welcome to the Zimmermann family.
This was my subtle way of saying that this is going to be a long weekend of fencing fun. The women's foil team is all here-or at least their plane just landed a few minutes ago. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again and getting ready as a team for the World Championships that is coming up in a few weeks.
Hopefully I will remember my camera this time so I can take some fun photos of the team for my blog. I know I always say it but it doesn't always seem to happen. I guess my excuse is that I am so focused on fencing that I can't be bothered with taking photos. It's not really the truth because the real truth is that I have a tough time remembering where I put the camera in the first place.
I want to leave you with an unrelated note. My parents are spending this evening at the October Fest. Not only that, my Mom brought her two Chinese friends with her. It sort of brings a smile to my face to think that my mom, two other Chinese people, and my German father are drinking beer, eating wursts, and listening to German music. Welcome to the Zimmermann family.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Relax?
A raise of hands of all Americans reading this blog. How many of you know what the word relax really means? Do you even know what relaxation even entails?
This may seem counterintuitive to all of you but I have been spending most of my energies on trying to relax. Yes, I am currently getting ready for World Championships (coming up at the end of September/beginning of October) but my path to getting there has never been so interesting.
I'm a type A personality all the way. If there is a way to over achieve at something, I definitely know how to do it. I will always go above and beyond what I'm asked to do or what I think I'm expected to do. What can I say? I have German and Chinese parents. If that isn't organized, strict, and driven, I don't know what mix of cultures would be?
I had a serious talk with my coach over the summer about some things that I can do to improve my fencing for the next year. Her biggest concern? My ability to let go and relax. She asked me what I did for fun? I said, blog about my experiences and read informational books that will help me further my fencing. She said, no really, what do you do for fun? FUN? Relaxation? This was a crucial problem.
This conversation led me to take drastic measures (I'm an overachiever-there are no measures that aren't drastic). Over the summer I blogged about how I took the month of July off and did some other activities that didn't involve fencing. I think some of you commented that it seemed a little strange for someone training for the Olympic Games. Well, it would be strange if you didn't know me.
I would have to admit that I never really took a vacation or really relaxed in my life. I don't even know how to do it. I've been striving towards big goals my whole life-the Olympics, world championships, Stanford, overseas studies in Russia, working on a political campaign, etc. I don't know how to do things if they aren't done on a large scale.
So, here in lies the lesson and the title of this post. Now I am spending a lot of my energy on learning how to relax. Don't laugh. I'm serious. I've gotten into doing more yoga, stretching, and taking it easy on my body. This isn't to say that I am not intense on the strip when I fence, but I am learning about how to relax and be in the moment.
Yoga has actually been a great practice for that. When you are in a yoga pose you have to relax into the pose rather than work to push the pose if you want to get a benefit out of it. Yoga is my antithesis and practicing it has been an eye opening experience.
Of course I can't completely change myself. I went out and bought two yoga books, a yoga mat, cool yoga pants, and a pass to a yoga studio in town. I have come to love my antithesis because each class has become a time where I learn to unwind, slow down, breathe, and rediscover myself. For someone who is always about pushing, it has taken me a couple months just to breathe and let go. Letting go is my new "new agey" mantra. Let go, Iris. Let go.
Believe it or not I am starting to see some big results on the fencing strip. Not only am I more present and focused but I am actually relaxed enough to enjoy myself. I'm definitely grateful for these tools since I'm always a nervous wreck before big fencing tournaments. As a self-prescribed type-A personality I like to get really nice and anxious about three weeks before any big competition. Apparently I think that it's important to stress yourself out before you really stress yourself out. Good thing I found yoga to help me breathe.
So, through yoga I am learning how to relax and it has manifested itself into some major benefits on the fencing strip. Now, if only I could get my leg behind my head and then I could really do some damage on the strip.
This may seem counterintuitive to all of you but I have been spending most of my energies on trying to relax. Yes, I am currently getting ready for World Championships (coming up at the end of September/beginning of October) but my path to getting there has never been so interesting.
I'm a type A personality all the way. If there is a way to over achieve at something, I definitely know how to do it. I will always go above and beyond what I'm asked to do or what I think I'm expected to do. What can I say? I have German and Chinese parents. If that isn't organized, strict, and driven, I don't know what mix of cultures would be?
I had a serious talk with my coach over the summer about some things that I can do to improve my fencing for the next year. Her biggest concern? My ability to let go and relax. She asked me what I did for fun? I said, blog about my experiences and read informational books that will help me further my fencing. She said, no really, what do you do for fun? FUN? Relaxation? This was a crucial problem.
This conversation led me to take drastic measures (I'm an overachiever-there are no measures that aren't drastic). Over the summer I blogged about how I took the month of July off and did some other activities that didn't involve fencing. I think some of you commented that it seemed a little strange for someone training for the Olympic Games. Well, it would be strange if you didn't know me.
I would have to admit that I never really took a vacation or really relaxed in my life. I don't even know how to do it. I've been striving towards big goals my whole life-the Olympics, world championships, Stanford, overseas studies in Russia, working on a political campaign, etc. I don't know how to do things if they aren't done on a large scale.
So, here in lies the lesson and the title of this post. Now I am spending a lot of my energy on learning how to relax. Don't laugh. I'm serious. I've gotten into doing more yoga, stretching, and taking it easy on my body. This isn't to say that I am not intense on the strip when I fence, but I am learning about how to relax and be in the moment.
Yoga has actually been a great practice for that. When you are in a yoga pose you have to relax into the pose rather than work to push the pose if you want to get a benefit out of it. Yoga is my antithesis and practicing it has been an eye opening experience.
Of course I can't completely change myself. I went out and bought two yoga books, a yoga mat, cool yoga pants, and a pass to a yoga studio in town. I have come to love my antithesis because each class has become a time where I learn to unwind, slow down, breathe, and rediscover myself. For someone who is always about pushing, it has taken me a couple months just to breathe and let go. Letting go is my new "new agey" mantra. Let go, Iris. Let go.
Believe it or not I am starting to see some big results on the fencing strip. Not only am I more present and focused but I am actually relaxed enough to enjoy myself. I'm definitely grateful for these tools since I'm always a nervous wreck before big fencing tournaments. As a self-prescribed type-A personality I like to get really nice and anxious about three weeks before any big competition. Apparently I think that it's important to stress yourself out before you really stress yourself out. Good thing I found yoga to help me breathe.
So, through yoga I am learning how to relax and it has manifested itself into some major benefits on the fencing strip. Now, if only I could get my leg behind my head and then I could really do some damage on the strip.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
The pursuit of happiness
Just that phrase alone, "the pursuit of happiness", brings up 17,122 titles when entered into amazon.com's search engine. It's pretty amazing. There must be a lot of people out there trying to find happiness. (Insert "duhhh" here.)
Even the Dalai Lama wrote a book with that title, but from what my mom says, it's basically all the same mumbo jumbo-"in order to find happiness you must not look for it". Whatever that means. (Not that I have read the book but I am sure the Dalai Lama has a great formula for happiness.)
If I could give anything to the world it would be this joy I feel while trying to pursue my goal of making the Olympic team in a sport that I love. There are so many times that I want to give up. There are so many hills to climb. There is a lot of fund raising to be done, but at the end of the day, I'm here because I love to be here in this moment.
This past year after a frustrating loss, I asked my coach what was the point of doing all this competition and all this work if I am not winning? Nat looked at me with a bit of shock and began to tell me, very slowly, all the reasons why she put so much of her time and energy into fencing. She said, "I love the way the foil feels in my hand. I love the look on my students' faces when they finally get an action. I love the people in the sport-even though a lot of them are nutty. I love the way the floor of this fencing gym feels underneath my feet. I love going to competitions and trying my best even if there is a chance that I may lose, at least I gave it everything I had."
When she said all this my first reaction is that this woman must be crazy. She has to be weak. Why do anything at all if you can't win? I love fencing because I win a lot-or at least I used to.
Let me break from that conversation to side track to one I had last week with the very esteemed fencer and one of my good friends, Keeth Smart. Keeth reads my blog, which is an honor since this guy is not only a wonderful fencer but a wonderful human being.
Anyways, last week Keeth and I were talking about fencing, more specifically about my fencing. He said that he always admired my fencing and the way I used to laugh, joke, and seem to have so much fun while I was competing. We both agreed that it had been a long time since I was really like that until now.
This past week in Mont Tremblant at the Pan-American zonal championships I finally felt like myself. I feel like I have personally been on hiatus for a while but I am finally back-enjoying the sport.
I would like to think that this new found joy has come through understanding the value of the process and more importantly understanding what Nat was trying to tell me. What does it feel like to me to put that foil in my hand, bend my knees to get in en garde, and face my opponent? What does it feel like when I am bending my blade, taking my time, and trying to think of my next move? The feeling is indescribable and for this blog's sake I am going to call that feeling, happiness. Joy in the moment.
I've done a lot of work over this summer to get to the place I am now and I can honestly say that I feel lucky to have the opportunity to pursue my sport. Not just to make an Olympic team (although that is the goal) but to have an opportunity to do something for myself. Sounds kind of selfish but I believe that in trying to make myself into a better fencer, I am able to make myself into a better person, therefore being able to give back. Now hear me out. I hope that I can set an example and help some of the other kids coming up through the ranks. Also, I am very flattered to get an email once in a while from a close friend that says they gain inspiration and strength from my risks in order to go after their own personal goals. That to me is the highest form of flattery.
There are a lot more times than I would like to admit, that I find this journey too hard. Sometimes I decide that this is it and I can't possibly go on. But the best part is when I somehow find the strength to pick myself back up again in time to find out that I am stronger and can endure more than I think. And I am most thankful for this portion of the journey. Inner strength is nothing that can be bought or just found-you have to work to (as my friend "Master Chi" would say)-make that flame that already exists inside you grow and burn brighter.
Enough of this new agey business. My hope is that everyone finds something fulfilling to pursue that makes them question themselves, challenge themselves, and ultimately find them more whole and stronger than they could have ever imagined. I feel very lucky for this opportunity.
Even the Dalai Lama wrote a book with that title, but from what my mom says, it's basically all the same mumbo jumbo-"in order to find happiness you must not look for it". Whatever that means. (Not that I have read the book but I am sure the Dalai Lama has a great formula for happiness.)
If I could give anything to the world it would be this joy I feel while trying to pursue my goal of making the Olympic team in a sport that I love. There are so many times that I want to give up. There are so many hills to climb. There is a lot of fund raising to be done, but at the end of the day, I'm here because I love to be here in this moment.
This past year after a frustrating loss, I asked my coach what was the point of doing all this competition and all this work if I am not winning? Nat looked at me with a bit of shock and began to tell me, very slowly, all the reasons why she put so much of her time and energy into fencing. She said, "I love the way the foil feels in my hand. I love the look on my students' faces when they finally get an action. I love the people in the sport-even though a lot of them are nutty. I love the way the floor of this fencing gym feels underneath my feet. I love going to competitions and trying my best even if there is a chance that I may lose, at least I gave it everything I had."
When she said all this my first reaction is that this woman must be crazy. She has to be weak. Why do anything at all if you can't win? I love fencing because I win a lot-or at least I used to.
Let me break from that conversation to side track to one I had last week with the very esteemed fencer and one of my good friends, Keeth Smart. Keeth reads my blog, which is an honor since this guy is not only a wonderful fencer but a wonderful human being.
Anyways, last week Keeth and I were talking about fencing, more specifically about my fencing. He said that he always admired my fencing and the way I used to laugh, joke, and seem to have so much fun while I was competing. We both agreed that it had been a long time since I was really like that until now.
This past week in Mont Tremblant at the Pan-American zonal championships I finally felt like myself. I feel like I have personally been on hiatus for a while but I am finally back-enjoying the sport.
I would like to think that this new found joy has come through understanding the value of the process and more importantly understanding what Nat was trying to tell me. What does it feel like to me to put that foil in my hand, bend my knees to get in en garde, and face my opponent? What does it feel like when I am bending my blade, taking my time, and trying to think of my next move? The feeling is indescribable and for this blog's sake I am going to call that feeling, happiness. Joy in the moment.
I've done a lot of work over this summer to get to the place I am now and I can honestly say that I feel lucky to have the opportunity to pursue my sport. Not just to make an Olympic team (although that is the goal) but to have an opportunity to do something for myself. Sounds kind of selfish but I believe that in trying to make myself into a better fencer, I am able to make myself into a better person, therefore being able to give back. Now hear me out. I hope that I can set an example and help some of the other kids coming up through the ranks. Also, I am very flattered to get an email once in a while from a close friend that says they gain inspiration and strength from my risks in order to go after their own personal goals. That to me is the highest form of flattery.
There are a lot more times than I would like to admit, that I find this journey too hard. Sometimes I decide that this is it and I can't possibly go on. But the best part is when I somehow find the strength to pick myself back up again in time to find out that I am stronger and can endure more than I think. And I am most thankful for this portion of the journey. Inner strength is nothing that can be bought or just found-you have to work to (as my friend "Master Chi" would say)-make that flame that already exists inside you grow and burn brighter.
Enough of this new agey business. My hope is that everyone finds something fulfilling to pursue that makes them question themselves, challenge themselves, and ultimately find them more whole and stronger than they could have ever imagined. I feel very lucky for this opportunity.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Cultural sensitivity
As if I didn't already have enough to do. This weekend the USOC is flying prospective Olympians to a small conference for two days in D.C. The Olympic Committee is actually holding this same conference in California and Colorado Springs for the athletes out on the west coast.
I haven't received a lot of information about why this is manditory but from what I heard from some poeple I gathered the following. The USOC is worried about the image of American athletes so we are going through media training (been there and done that) and some "cultural sensitivity training". Seriously? I could teach the Chinese culture class. What is really going on?
I'm intrigued as to why we have to go through this. My only guess is that there are a lot of other athletes in other sports that are causing problems because if a fencer at this level doesn't understand how to interact with other cultures, you must not be a good fencer. We travel so much that we should be able to deal with these situations and the lot of us have been through this before.
I wonder if there could be an exemption. The upside to this is that I get to reunite with some of my friends from the Beijing Press Tour and perhaps see some of my other athlete friends this weekend.
I'll let you know how it goes. Oh yeah, my mother said I am probably not Chinese enough and have to go through the training. My father thinks I'm too German, that's why I am told to go to D.C. this weekend to partake in the conference. Either way-I'm headed to D.C. on Friday.
I haven't received a lot of information about why this is manditory but from what I heard from some poeple I gathered the following. The USOC is worried about the image of American athletes so we are going through media training (been there and done that) and some "cultural sensitivity training". Seriously? I could teach the Chinese culture class. What is really going on?
I'm intrigued as to why we have to go through this. My only guess is that there are a lot of other athletes in other sports that are causing problems because if a fencer at this level doesn't understand how to interact with other cultures, you must not be a good fencer. We travel so much that we should be able to deal with these situations and the lot of us have been through this before.
I wonder if there could be an exemption. The upside to this is that I get to reunite with some of my friends from the Beijing Press Tour and perhaps see some of my other athlete friends this weekend.
I'll let you know how it goes. Oh yeah, my mother said I am probably not Chinese enough and have to go through the training. My father thinks I'm too German, that's why I am told to go to D.C. this weekend to partake in the conference. Either way-I'm headed to D.C. on Friday.
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