Inspirational video

My sports psychologist sent me this link:

http://www.walkthetalk.com/the212movie.php?refsource=tyorders

Let me know what you think.

Being positive-who knew?/fencing camp is fun/a lesson from an elephant

SERENITY NOW

They should bottle up positive attitudes so you can drink it up when you really need it. When I woke up this morning I was still positive, and still waiting for the other shoe to drop. The day progressed and still no fall out from the previous day. Then practice came around, still nothing. I even got suited up for some fencing and things went well-actually, they went better than I ever thought. I went in expecting nothing and I ended up practicing for almost two hours.

Apparently positive energy works. Who knew?

I spent a long time getting angry when things didn't go my way and things progressed much more slowly. Imagine how much more productive we could be if we had greater perspective on all things.

FENCING CAMP IS FUN

The women's foil team is coming to the Roc for a camp this weekend. We are getting ready for the international season, which starts next week with our first world cup in Austria.

I am looking forward to seeing the girls again!

A LESSON FROM AN ELEPHANT

You can learn a lot from elephants. I heard the following story at church this past Sunday, and I thought I would pass it along. It sort of goes with my "Risks" post.

There was an young elephant that was tied to a post. One day he decides that he wants to break free from the post. He tries and tries only to find that he is still tied to the post. One day he just gives up and decides that he should just accept his lot in life. This is his life, tied to a post. Little does he know that the post is just about to break and set him free.

The line between success and failure is very thin. Will you continue push for what you want even if it doesn't come easy?

Big girls don't cry

Remember when we were little kids we could throw tantrums to express our frustration? Wahhhh..wahhh...Mommy, I want this or I want that! Or in my case, wahhh, things aren't going the way I want them too!

When we get older we aren't allowed to have these types of tantrums however, what becomes of that emotion? How do we express ourselves when we actually "mature"? Yoga, organic food, supplements, smoking cigarettes, getting into bad relationships perhaps?

I ask these questions because today was one of those days where I could have used a "feel free to throw a hissy fit and cry because it doesn't matter how old you are" card. But the interesting part is that I didn't, and I am not sure what to think. If I am not getting angry in this moment then where does that frustration go? Have I swallowed it into a well where it will overflow once something else adds to my frustration? Or have I actually learned how to deal with my emotions?

Today was the day that I started fencing again after the famous pinky incident. I took the splint off, put the fencing glove on, tapped the two end fingers together, and gave it a try. The first few minutes were okay because we were doing very simple stuff in my one-on-one lesson, but when things got a bit more complicated, the finger started to hurt.

I could start to feel the emotions rising inside of me. I wonder if any of you have ever felt frustration like this? It begins deep in my stomach and slowly rises up into my chest, then it sends a signal to my brain that it's time to react or cry.

The voice (or the "irrational Iris" as I like to call her) started in with her two cents, "You aren't going to be ready. You are leaving for your first world cup of the season next week Wednesday, and you aren't ready. Why is it when things start to get good, you get injured? What were you thinking-you're so dissapointing? Is this always going to hurt like this? Is this yet another thing you have to worry about? Why me, oh God, why me?" Irrational Iris has the most amazing stream of conciousness because it just never stops and spirals into a million other thoughts. She's very verbose.

Her voice got louder at the same moment when the handle of my weapon started to really press against the inside of my hand right at the injury. At which point, I knew that I would either crack or just explode right there on the spot. Believe me, I was going to have a full blown meltdown. BUT, I didn't.

I am still not sure why. I am guessing that after all this time working with a sports psychologist, the positive mental attitude permeated my entire thought process. Apparently it helps to calm me down in situations where I am in physical pain as well. The work I have been doing allowed me to listen to the "rational Iris" as she countered with, "let's look at the big picture here. Is this really going to affect your chance at Beijing? It's just a pinky and you will do whatever it takes to get past this. What happens now doesn't determine what your year and a half will be like. You can get through this because you are tougher than that."

You must think I'm insane. Well partly, because to dedicate one's life to poking people with a sword is a bit insane.

However, I do think that we have two sides to ourselves, one with perspective and the other that always insists on bringing up the negative. I have just decided to name them rational and irrational Iris. You can laugh later but apparently it's helping me get through my roadblocks.

Or maybe not. I am still not sure why I didn't react as strongly to this situation. I am not sure how I was able to maintain composure and perspective. I worry a bit that this is sort of the "serenity now" scenario from Seinfeld. It's the bit where Kramer decides that serenity now is a phrase that he can use to calm himself down but it just ends up making him more crazy because he isn't dealing with what is really annoying him.

Either way I still have to wake up tomorrow and face another day at practice. My hope is that the pain becomes gradually less over the next week so that I feel more prepared for my trip to Austria and Germany.


On another note: I forgot to mention a while back that Serena "the great" Williams is back. She just won the Australian Open the other week. Now that is a comeback story.

Risks-what's the point?

A lot of people told me I was taking a big risk in my life in order to train for yet another Olympic games. I was definitely one of those people that felt that I was taking a giant leap (although slightly more calculated than my parents thought) when I moved from California and my post-college life as "Iris the career woman".

The career woman life doesn't just include steps in the direction of money and career but it is also a path in my personal life. I don't often talk about this portion of my training but it is very real. An Olympian's life is not conducive to the popular mid-twenties personal life. With a crazy training and traveling schedule you can forget about dating, going out, and meeting new people on a regular basis.

My goal is very intense and very personal, so it means that I am the main focus of my life at the moment, which is not so great for forming good friendships or relationships in general. Perhaps I take the goal a little too seriously but I am pretty sure that it is hard for most athletes to keep a strong social calendar.

So the question is, with all the sacrifice, what's the point? What if you go to the Olympics and take dead last? What if you don't make the team? What if you win? What if? What if? Why does any of this matter?

I put some thought into that because it is dangerous to go on auto-pilot and assume that while you are in pursuit of a goal, you truly understand the point of the whole thing. You have to ask yourself, do you have perspective? Because if you don't and things don't go the way you suspect, you have to have the presence of mind to understand that there was a purpose and that you did try your best.

So, back to the answer of the question-why take the risk to train again for the Olympics if you aren't gauranteed a spot? Why come back when things are so hard, you have to earn money to travel, you live with your parents, you are continuing to make the same sacrifices? Why, Iris, why? (I am sure these are questions that you have wanted to ask me.)

The answer is best summed up in the story of my teammate and the exerpt of a letter our coach wrote to him after an unsuccessful tournament.

The Story of Z

This season started like any other for Z (I am not going to use his whole name here) with national competitions and training. However, he quickly discovered after the first few tournaments that he could possibly make a junior world championship team. This was no small feat for Z since he never showed that much promise in fencing-when he was younger he was a little slow, awkward, and never seem to get things as quickly as his peers. Nevertheless, he plugged along and continued on in the sport.

This year after a the first few national tournaments, Z decided that he would make a run for the team and compete internationally. In this sport if you don't go overseas then you can't make the team (just look at my schedule on the right hand side of the blog). His parents, a middle class family with two other children, had to take on side jobs in order to get him to these fencing tournaments. Not to mention putting all the trips onto credit cards first. Z definitely understands how much people around him, including himself, have put into his goal which heightens his anxiety and nervousness.

Unfortunately, the last few tournaments were not as stellar and pushed him down the ranking list. Right now he is looking at an alternate position but he continues to pursue his dream with passion and heart.

What is the point for Zach and his parents? Doesn't this seem extreme for him? His parents taking the risk and putting expensive trips on credit cards just so he can wear a sweatsuit that says USA Fencing on the back? Can't he just save the money and buy his own?

I think you will be able to find the answer for yourself in the following passage from a letter that our coach wrote to Z after his last oversease competition.

Pay attention because she is much more articulate than I am.

I think it's essential, in the pursuit of the good life, to have lofty goals which are difficult to reach. Sometimes we do reach them, which is wonderful and often euphoric. But we don't always get there, so what is the value of reaching so high? It is the process.

.....you are pursuing a sport in which you put yourself on a strip alone, very publicly, have to think quickly, demonstrate the highest of physical skills, and maintain your composure. You have to call on all the physiological capabilities you have even when you are so tired you want to throw up or collapse on the floor, remember everything you trained to execute, and remember all the strategies we discussed without the benefit of your personal coach. As long as you never give up, even if you don't accomplish what you hoped for in a particular bout you are successful.

Why do Z and I pursue these goals? The answer is much less concrete than if I do x and then I will get y, but it is much more existential in nature.

We risk because these goals are greater than ourselves and teach us about who we are and what we are capable of. I think it's boring to pursue life without risk-sit behind a desk just because we are told to. Sometimes making a personal leap will make you happier beyond your wildest dreams. Because without great struggle there cannot be the opposite, great success.

I wish you courage and strength to pursue the things that you truly care about. I know that everyone's life isn't just so, so that they can choose what they want to do. But I believe if you truly feel strongly about something, you have to do yourself the justice of at least trying.

Cast off!

I got the cast off this morning but it was quickly replaced by a splint. I have attached photos of the splint that I have to wear for the next two weeks.

According to the doc I can start holding a weapon on Monday but I have to make some modifications to my weapon and tape my fingers together when I fence. I think the doc said something about the next two to three months. It takes much longer for the ligaments to heal than the bone-which in my opinion makes no sense.

The photos aren't that great but I hope you get the picture (no pun intended).

Photos of the Rochester Open

Here are just a few photos of the Rochester Open competition we held this past weekend. The random photo without fencing in it is a picture of cookies that were donated by Cookies in a Wink for the Open House. Thanks, Wendy!

Enjoy the photos!

T-minus one day until I get my cast off!

Tournament, Open House, tv cameras, oh my!

This past weekend was a busy one filled with morning wake ups at 6am and frequent sips of coffee between adrenaline rushes. I helped to put together and run our first Rochester Open competition and our first ever Open House at the Rochester Fencing Club.

In between training for the Olympics and fundraising, I decided to help out with business development at the club. Can I have my Olympian with a type-A personality and a little bit of overachievement on the side? Why, yes you can! It must be something in the Rochester water or the rice that my mother makes because my sister is the same way.

Anyways, we had a successful weekend. The tournament ran smoothly and we had some people drive in from Syracuse to attend. I was actually more proud of the turnout at our Open House- 50-60 people showed up at our doorstep despite the snow storm and cold temperatures. My hope is that we retain a majority of these visitors but one never knows.

I learned a lot about business when putting this together but most importantly, I learned the power of the media. The people that showed up to the Open House heard about it through our ads in the local newspapers and the spot on R News. Now I understand why the candidate I worked for sunk millions into his ad campaign.

I should have pictures up of the two events shortly. There were so many of them that I have to sort through all of them first.

I hope everyone had a much more restful weekend than I did! Only three more days until the smelly cast comes off my hand!

Photos from the Fundraiser

Fundraiser Review

The fundraiser went off with great reviews from my friends and family. One person wrote this to me in an email and I thought it was a great reflection of how the event went:

"It is very obvious that you have such a close knit support network of friends, family, and teammates/ training partners. Having never been involved with or around fencing I was unsure of what to expect. What I saw was a lot of smiles, a lot of laughter, and people having fun- the tell tale signs of a successful event."

I do feel truly blessed to have so many wonderful friends and close teammates. If I were to guess, there were about 50 people there and altogether we raised almost $1,000. With all the drama that went on prior to the event and with last minute cancellations, I felt that the event was a success.

I would like to acknowledge and thank the following people:

Felicia Zimmermann, who flew in overnight and flew out the next day at 6am just to help her little sister out.

Gabe Sinkin and Doris Willette, for driving in from Penn State despite the weather to help fence in the demo and support me.

Chris Burleigh, Write Type Publishing who helped me promote the event and sell posters.

OlympiansCory Sertl (Sailing '88) and Theresa Contos (Handball '84)-once an Olympian, always an Olympian.

Adil Masood and his family, for always giving without question. Thank you for helping and encouraging me each step of the way.

Bob Silver, from GRAAF.

Al Parisi and his family.

Jenny Ertel, for always being an inspiration.

John Hoy, Slickers. Always a good friend.

Nat Goodhartz and Kathy Weber, always there to lend an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. I called Nat every hour on the day of the event to vent frustration and to get advice.

And last but not least, my parents Thomas and Christina. Forget it-I need a lifetime to thank them.

My father somehow got me on the popular morning radio show Brother Wease by pretending he was an avid listener and biker who is also a supporter of Iris Zimmermann. I wonder what they thought about my father's thick German accent?

I will walk away from this experience having learned a lot about fundraising, promotion, working with others, and being dissapointed. The worse part was finding out which of your friends actually support you unconditionally. Some people talk the talk and some people walk the walk.

All in all this was a fun event and I was so happy to be surrounded by friends and family. From what I heard everyone had a great time and enjoyed watching the demo.

I hope to post some photos of the event on the blog soon.

Thank you to everyone who came-I felt like a rockstar!

Under promise and over deliver

The one thing that I took away from my experience in California politics is "under promise and over deliver". So, this is the way I choose to look at the fundraiser tomorrow evening. I don't promise this will be a huge event and I am just content to have an event after the cancellation scare.

Being the type of athlete I am with high standards and expectations, I am learning how to put the expectations away and just go with it. I am thankful that my sister is flying in tomorrow morning from LA to help me out with this event. When all else fails, get your family to help you out.

I also just learned that one of the girls may not be able to make it to the demonstration because of weather issues. She is driving in from Ohio. Under promise...under promise...under promise...under pressure..unable to breathe.

Cross your fingers everyone!

Don't pull your hair out

So I get a call this morning from the midtown athletic club saying that only five people are pre-registered for the fundraiser on Wednesday and they are cancelling the event. (First of all, who knew that everyone had to pre-register?)

Well, good morning to you too! So I called my friend Chris (she's like my right hand woman) and let her unleash her fury on midtown. By the time I called the special events director she asked, "Is this Chris violent?" I swear I could hear the events director tremble on the phone as she asked me that. They ended up compromising by scaling down the event and moving the venue.

I spent half the morning and afternoon calling and confirming friends. I felt like, just because midtown didn't do the job of promoting my event, I shouldn't be punished. So in one afternoon, I have about 30 commitments, news media coming, and letters of complaint going to the athletic club. I would say my friends are pretty loyal.

Anyways, after all that I am still annoyed. My mother saw that I was still brooding about this situation at the dinner table and said one of the best pieces of advice I have ever heard, "Don't continue to pull your hair out after someone has already done the job." Meaning, you are only hurting yourself getting disappointed and angry about someone else's incompetence. It makes sense. Perhaps that is why it's better to forgive than harbor the anger I feel towards the club.

A refuge

I am not always impressed by sports stories because the lot of them seem to show athletes being hauled off to jail, fined for poor behavior, using anabolic steroids or other perfomance enhancing drugs, or just random misconduct. Anyone hear the latest on Michael Vick and the infamous water bottle with suspicious marijuana like contents? There is one example.

However, this Sunday's New York Times sports story was more human interest than sports. No athletes in this article are big stars with million dollar contracts by any means. Come to think of it this front page Sunday New York Times story didn't have any of the usual catch words, "bomb", "death", or "War in Iraq". It was a refuge from the norm.

Refugees Find Hostility and Hope on Soccer Field

If you haven't read this story yet, you should really click here.


It's an amazing tale of how a woman started a soccer team of refugee kids. The athletes are from from war torn areas like Liberia and Afghanistan. One child recounts being a child soldier and being forced to kill another child in his village.

Their story is all about ups and downs--and the downs aren't even their individual tales from their homes. It turns out that the mayor of their town in Clarkstown, Georgia has been one of the biggest roadblocks to their success. The mayor doesn't really like soccer (oh yeah, and refugees) played in the large grassy Clarkestown field.

But to many longtime residents, soccer is a sign of unwanted change, as unfamiliar and threatening as the hijabs worn by the Muslim women in town. It’s not football. It’s not baseball. The fields weren’t made for it. Mayor Swaney even has a name for the sort of folks who play the game: the soccer people.

Despite their struggles against the town and its mayor, I believe that they will succeed. Because even with everything these kids have been through they ultimately love soccer. Kicking around a ball as a team provides them with much needed refuge from their past and sometimes their present hardships. There is a point sometimes when sports crosses a line to become more than just physical exercise, but a way to find escape and freedom.

The cast

My Mom and I look pretty tough! :)

I really can't type much now which puts a damper on my blog. However, now is the time to work on my photography skills.

This morning I saw Dr. Del Signori, a hand surgeon, about my finger. Apparently the finger was pushed so far to the right on the right hand that it fractured the outside portion of the bottom of the pinky. The fracture isn't as bad as the second degree sprain that will take longer to heal but it's a good thing that I went to a great doctor who is experienced with treating athletes.

I definitely connected with the doc when she told me the story of how she became a hand surgeon. She was playing in a big game at Holy Cross when she fractured her middle finger. Instead of leaving the game, she decided to tape her hand to the lacrosse stick. When the game was over (they lost) she went to the hospital with the stick still taped to her hand. The rest is history.

So I am in this cast for the next two weeks. Until February 1st at 8:15am to be exact.

The journey continues....

The hand bone is connected to the fractured pinky

It's official, there is a fracture at the base of the pinky finger on my right hand. My doc just called with the x-ray results and I have to go in to see the hand specialist tomorrow morning. I can't believe that someone hit me hard enough directly on my finger to fracture it. I think it gives everyone an idea of how tough this sport really is.

I also can't believe I continued to fence in the gold medal round without feeling much of anything. Thank goodness for adrenaline.

Step one, take second at the second national tournament, step two, break pinky finger--hmmm..that wasn't in the plans. This is a lesson that the journey will always have bumps in the road because as John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans".

So this is life and it's happening.

More information on the recovery tomorrow when I see my doctor and the specialist. I guess I'm going to have to focus on floating like a butterfly and hold off on the sting like a bee part. Hopefully this stinger will heal before my next tournament in Austria on February 17th.

California dreaming

My car in my driveway. P.S. that is my Dad in the background with the snowblower.

I think today is the day that I miss California most. My poor car also misses California as it has never seen the likes of snow since it was built in Mexico and shipped to California.

When I left for Ohio it was 50 degrees in Rochester and when I got back yesterday it was 18 degrees. I had to turn on the defroster and wait ten minutes before I could chip through the inch thick sheet of ice that had accumulated on my car.

What does this have to do with fencing? Well, nothing really but it's been a while since I've lived through a Rochester (lake effect snow) winter. I just want to list this under one of the things that I sacrificed in order to train for the Olympics. My car and I miss California.

Journey-on an upward swing!

CELEBRATE!

I won the silver today at the Columbus National tournament. I really had a great showing and worked through a lot of my mental roadblocks while in competition. Not to mention that I had such a great time while I was fencing!

The day I left for Columbus (we drove the 6 1/2 hours here from Rochester, NY) I went to Starbucks to get my favorite, tall caramel macchiatto with skim milk. Why is this significant? Well, Starbucks always has various quotes on their cups entitled, "The Way I See It". The message on the day I left happened to be one from speedskaterApollo Anton Ohno. And it goes something like this:

"If I have given my all and still do not win, I haven't lost. Others might remember winning or losing; I remember the journey."

Very true. I almost shed tears today after beating someone that I have had so much trouble with in the past. Coming in second was so sweet and meant so much more to me than it would have in the past. I worked hard for this and for once I am going to be proud of myself. Because I endured and I pushed past so much in order to get here.

This isn't to say there won't be any downs in the next year or that I don't have more to work on (which I do for sure), but I finally feel like this is the beginning of something good. (Knock on wood-what can I say? I'm superstitious.)

I want to post more on the site tomorrow when I feel a little more rested. Also, one of my opponents hit me on my right pinky knuckle so hard it looks like a sausage. All this makes it difficult to type but I wanted to make sure to update everyone on the good news! :)

California friends and my Rochester future

To catch everyone up to speed in a few very short sentences. Yes, it's been seven days since my last blog. Yes, I have been busy. Yes, I am now 26 years old. Yes, I have to go to a fencing competition in Columbus, Ohio on Thursday.

My trip to California

After Christmas, I participated in a women's foil camp in San Francisco. I spent New Year's Eve in Tahoe catching up on much needed rest and relaxation from the camp. I think I used most of the time to nurse my sore muscles in the hot tub. You have never seen stars until you have been surrounded by snow, sitting in the hot tub at night, and looking up at the Tahoe sky. It was amazing.

After New Year's I spent a few days in SF including my birthday, which was last Saturday. I am finally a few days into the first year of my late twenties. It's an era which will include lots of fencing and traveling. I'm looking forward to it.

My birthday party was an interesting one. I sort of tried to meld a group of mismatched friends together so I can see them all at one time. Some were Stanford kids I met during the Stanford in Moscow program, some were people I knew from the California gubernatorial campaign I worked on, and others were friends from San Francisco.

With this experience I realized that you accumulate lots of friends overtime and not all of them are going to mesh together even if you are all at a great Vietnamese restaurant in San Francisco.

But more importantly, I realized that in six months my life has completely changed. Going back to California was truly an eye opener for me. While my friends were stressed about their jobs and purpose in life, I thought about all the fun things I get to do like fencing, competing, meeting different people, traveling. Not to say one thing is better than the other, but I felt for the first time that I wasn't really missing out on anything.

Of course my Stanford friend asked THE question almost every Stanford grad asks me, "Why did you decide to waste two years of your life?". No joke, that's what he asked.

At first I was a little shocked because I felt that the broad smile on my face would have already answered that question. A few months ago I would have said that I was scared and part of me thought this was the dumbest idea, but this is now and my answer was and is because I LOVE IT. There is no greater joy for me now than what I am doing. Fencing has always been a huge part of me and I am in this moment for good, for better, or for even better, at least for the next year.

I am more worried now about afterwards and what will I do when it's all over but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Today, I spoke to an Olympic sailor that competed in Mexico City at the 1968 Games. I called to invite him to my fundraiser and he started in with, "back in my day I only got $300 and made my own boat. I even got the crew together by myself". I love it. At the end of the conversation I was curious what an ex-Olympian does forty years after they compete. He just plainly answered, of course I still sail and I even build boats.

I think if you do a sport to such an intense degree and you have the opportunity to represent your country in the ultimate competition, the sport never leaves you. It becomes part of you for better or worse-the aches and pains of old injuries and the incredible feeling you get when you walk into an Olympic stadium with thousands of people cheering for you-I own those memories and those feelings. All these things will always be a part of me and for that I am more than thankful. I could be working as an intern somewhere right now but instead I'm traveling the world and chasing a dream.

Pravda

For the few of you that read this blog and don’t know, I spent four months studying abroad in Moscow (Russia, that is). While I was there “pravda” became my favorite Russian word because it means truth. Also, pravda just so happened to be the name of the U.S.S.R.’s national newspaper. As Alanis Morissette once sang, “Isn’t it ironic?".

As we all close another year and begin another, and as I close my 25th year to start my 26th (my birthday is on Saturday), I feel the need to reflect. I think most 25-year-olds feel a strong desire to understand the point of their journey. However, I do know that self-reflection isn't unique to age, but at 25 there is a strong pull of maturity and a letting go of youth. Afterall, wasn't it John Mayer, a popular singer and spokesmen for twenty something’s, that coined the phrase “quarter-life crisis”? If you haven’t heard the song, it’s a good one.

In 2006, I have become a college graduate, worked on a major political campaign in California, and moved back home to pursue a childhood dream. The pursuit of my fencing dreams is more than just an athletic endeavor, it has inspired me to really dig deep emotionally, physically, and mentally. And you all get to read about it! Aren’t you lucky?

So, without further ado, what better way to present these very personal thoughts about my life journey thus far than a list? If it’s good enough for David Letterman, it’s good enough for me.

Small caveat, some of these points may be related but it’s my list and I’ll do what I wanna.

List of Fundamental Truths as Learned by a 25 year old

1. Life is not something you can plan out. After a high school diploma and college degree, there really isn’t anything else (besides grad school) that is as planned out or structured. And even if you try and plan your life in four or five year increments, you will learn just as the Soviets did, even the best laid plans come collapsing down.

2. It is what it is. Meaning, there are some things that you cannot change and must accept. My favorite prayer is the “serenity prayer” which basically sums up point two. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change. The courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” I’m still working on all the above.

3. To forgive is to forget. We only do more harm to ourselves when we choose not to forgive.

4. Change is constant. The picture of today is not always the picture of tomorrow. Which brings me to my next point.

5. Be in the moment. Live in the moment. Each moment passes faster and faster as we get older. Somewhere along the way deadlines take over our lives and we tend to lose perspective. How many times have you said, “No, I can’t. I don’t have time.”? To which I use Lao Tzu’s words:

“Time is a created thing. To say, ’I don’t have time’ is to say‘I don’t want to.’”

6. Being honest with yourself is just as important as honesty with others. Honesty with yourself means being able to admit all the bad and good things that make you, you. But the inability to admit the good things can hold you back just as much as the inability to admit the bad things.

7. Pass on the kindness that you have been shown. You can’t always reciprocate when people do things for you or impact your life, but you can pass on that same kindness to others as one type of repayment. Anyone ever seen the movie Pay It Forward?

8. Loyalty is hard to find and when you find it, hold on to it.

9. Women in fashion magazines are airbrushed. Just had to add that for my own benefit.

10. The brand of clothing I wear does not determine my self worth. Unless they become a sponsor….just kidding.

11. One’s primary source of validation must come from one’s own self-evaluation. After college there are no more gold stars or A+’s, or teachers and parents to tell us what is good and what is bad. But we still feel a need to look to others to form opinions about our lives. Who knows you better? I would hope that the answer is you.

12. Self-confidence should be paired with flexibility to accept change and criticism.

13. Treat everyone with the respect that you would like to receive.

14. Think before you act.

15. Patience is more than a virtue, it is everything. Things happen in small quantities or sometimes in large steps, but the simple fact is that you will spend time waiting for things to happen by your creation or by other’s determination. So while you are waiting you might as enjoy the wait. There is no destination without a journey.

16. You are not the only one. As much as we like to believe that we are the center of the universe, we aren’t.

17. No one is paying attention to you but you, so worrying about what other people think of you is an exercise in futility.

18. Do as much as you can each day even if that is only a little bit.

19. Surround yourself with people that support you but are always willing to question your motives.

20. Happiness is in the eye of the beholder. You are the only one that both determines and controls your own happiness. Don’t blame others for making you unhappy.

21. Give people the room to change because first impressions are not always as they seem.

22. Make time for the most important people in your life—your family.

23. Pursue your dreams with passion.

24. Believe that you will reach your destination even when you aren’t anywhere near it.

25. Never give up. Recently I have been reading Chris Gardner’s book, “Pursuit of Happyness”, and I would hope at this point most people know about Chris' incredible journey from homelessness to a self-made multi-millionaire, entrepreneur, motivational speaker and philanthropist from the new hit movie starring Will Smith. Sometimes when things would get difficult (as they often did in his life) Chris would chant the words “Go forward” until that’s all he could hear.

So for the New Year, I hope that you will all follow Chris Gardner's example and continue to “Go forward”. We may not all end up multi-millionaires, but we each have our own goals.

Go forward, go forward, go forward, go forward, go forward, go forward, go forward……….

Happy New Year!

I haven't been blogging lately between Christmas, fencing camp in San Francisco, and the New Year's retreat to Tahoe, CA. It has definitely been a busy week.

Happy New Year to everyone! I hope that 2007 brings you more joy and success than last year!

We all have something

My former teammate and Olympian, Suzie Paxton and I had a long conversation the other night. We talked about how things are going for me and my pursuit of Beijing. I told her the truth, things were a little rocky from time to time. It's sometimes hard for me to see the result at the end of the road when I work and struggle through each day and each tournament.

I told her some of my perceived weaknesses and she admitted to some of her own while she was training for the 1996 games. Then we got on the subject of athletes we admired and she mentioned someone that had a physical disability but was still playing high level sports with a prosthetic leg. He has actually done more incredible things after the accident than before-almost as if having a prosthetic leg gives him a reason to be the best.

People who encounter these types of obstacles in their lives either go one of two ways. One, the route of feeling sorry for themselves. Or two, making each day count because they are very aware of how life can throw some crazy curve balls. Suzie then said something to me that resonated, "everyone has a disability but some are not as visible as a prosthetic leg".

That got me thinking about my unseen disabilities. Perhaps my greatest disability is ego. Things used to be so much easier for me and I could win almost any tournament I entered but now the end result isn't as certain. After Richmond, there was a part of me that went down the road of self-pity. I will admit that it took a good week for me to get out of a depressed funk. Maybe it's okay to have a moment (or a week in my case) to admit defeat and nurse the wound?

On Monday of this week, my sports psychologist asked me if I wanted to quit. For a moment, I considered it very seriously. I could walk away, but if I walk away from this I will have given in to all the fear and doubt. Who's to say that I won't be faced with a hard situation again? This is life after all, a series of challenges. When the going gets tough does Iris get going?

If anything, I would want to know that I am the type of person that would not choose the easy way out. After all, I didn't sign up to train for a regional tournament, I signed up for the Olympics. Here is where acceptance comes in and gives way to persistence. Just like the man with a prosthetic leg, I can allow my ego to disable me or I can use it to help me achieve extraordinary things.